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Friday, April 26, 2013

In One Eye and Out The Other

Last night, since I was attending an investor dinner, I took a much later train home. I sat down in a three seater next to a guy who was reading and I whipped out my book too. I was exhausted but if I didn’t read, I thought I might fall asleep. Boy was I wrong. A couple that just left the Bruins game pile in with their two small children and sit behind me. Another couple comes on the train. There aren’t any seats free that are side by side so they take an end seat in a two seater. He sits down and she sits on his lap.

The train takes off and the kids belonging to that couple behind me start losing their little minds. The parents made them leave the game before it had ended and the kids just couldn’t handle not knowing how it officially ended. The dad immediately pulls up the game on his tablet and the kids calm down. Then, one of the kids hits a button and they lose the game. Melt down number two, here we go. “Whyyyyyyyy do you have to push buttons? You make me cryyyyyyyyyy” one of them screams with devistation. The other says “I didn’t touch anythinggggggggggg” like a whiny little brat. The dad brings up the game again and the kids shut up.

Meanwhile, the guy next to me starts mumbling to himself what he is reading. I am not sure if this is to try and tune out the little snots or if he just doesn’t have an inside voice.

The young couple next to me with the girl friend on the boy friends lap start making out. I at least have a foot between us. How awkward would it be to have been the one sharing the seat with them! AWKWARD! They come up to breath to buy their passes when the conductor comes by and they return right back to their make out session.

I try and try to read my book but it’s just not happening. The mumbling guy next to me is making me lose my thought. I get to the bottom of the page and am like “What did I just read? How did I even get to the bottom of the page?” I call this “In one eye and out the other!” It happened to me all the time. Mainly when I was in college and was forced to read uninteresting things. These days it’s just when people are distracting me.

The game ends on the screen and the kids behind me start melt down number three.  I shut the book. I’m not evening going to try anymore.

After I put the book away, I realize now, that since I am not buried in my book, I have to witness this make out session next to me and hear the mumblings of some National Geographic article. FUN!

Finally after 45 minutes, we arrive at my stop! Thank goodness! I get off the train and high tail it to my truck…AKA my little sanctuary away from these crazies. I turn up my music and am on my way home after a long day.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Pre-Coffee Thoughts

These are my pre-coffee thoughts that went through my head at the train station this morning. I know I am going to hell…and clearly I am not a morning person.

“You look like a treasure troll today…and every other day.” I think about a woman who has a bad perm and most likely gets her hair coloring out of a box purchased at the Dollar Store. Her hair is dead and the fly aways are out of control.  

“Youuuu look like you belong in a fairy tail underneath a toadstool.” I think to myself about a short guy wearing a golf hat with his hands neatly folded into each other in front of him. I just picture him as a seven dwarf or holding a lollipop representing the lollipop guild.

“Oh it’s the ninja-stretching guy.” He was containing himself today and wasn’t stretching with his a*s in my face or getting ready to sprint off. Yay!

“You look like you just rolled out of bed.” I think of a woman who’s got the worst bed head hair I’ve seen yet. She tried masking it with a head band. From the front, she looks fine. From the back, it is a disaster. Don’t people check the back of their heads? Good hair from the back side is just as important as the front side. Geesh!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Shut The F*ck Up & Pop A Better Breath Mint

This morning, let me preface this by saying, I had a pounding headache. So, I get on the train and hop in a seat that has no one in it. Immediately, someone sits down next to me. Some chick that had THE worst morning breath I had ever smelled in public! She sits down and to my dismay, is breathing. I hold my breath for a while and she pops a tic tac. One tic tac! I start to breath again and realize that this chick didn’t just need a tic tac, she needed a curiously strong mint! I try sipping my coffee because I know it will relieve my pounding head but instead I start gagging because this girl is, god forbid, still breathing!

To top it off, some guys phone rings and he picks it up and starts catching up with someone and trash talking this one guy they both know in common.

“Oh my god! I would never name my kid after me after what Jimmy did to his parents….”

“I know! He was using his dad’s credit cards and checks. He told me that once the police tell his dad that it was his son using his cards and check book that his dad will most likely drop the charges….”

“Ya, he bought an iPhone with his dad’s credit card and then hawked it to get his boyfriend out of jail. I called the number and the girl that bought it was like ‘Um, I don’t know Jimmy. He just sold me his phone to get his boyfriend out of jail.’ And then I was like ‘Sweety, he bought this phone with stolen money and sorry to say this but the police are going to take your phone now.’ And she was like ‘OMG’!”

“Ya, and then when he was with me, he was complaining that he missed his clothes so I drove him all the way to Cambridge to get them at 4 in the morning and he never said thank you. NEVER SAID THANK YOU! Can you believe him? So self centered.”

And this guy just kept going on and on for the entire 45 minute train ride. He hardly took a breath…probably because he was smelling the less than stellar breath near by. He just had a bad case of verbal diarrhea. I wanted to turn around and b*tch slap him and say “Shut the f*ck up!” The more I thought about it, I am pretty sure I was in the quiet car too! It’s 7:30 in the morning, I am not awake enough to listen to the drama! Especially of someone else’s bull sh*t!

My husband wonders why I can’t relax on the train…this is why. People think it's ok to be stinky and people do in this space, what they should be doing in their own space.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Boston Marathon 2013- What a Shame!

What a shame! What an absolute shame yesterday was in Boston. Yesterday was Patriots Day. It was also the Boston Marathon. Since my line of work depends on the stock market, we were all working yesterday because the stock market was in fact open. Every year I think “It’s unfortunate that I have to work. I’d love to be able to witness the marathon first hand.” However yesterday, it was fortunate that I was working. I wasn’t anywhere near the race. I was about a half a mile away and almost thirty stories up. I heard a big bang. I had passed it off as construction. I heard another loud bang a short time later and still thought it was construction. I thought nothing of it until the phones started ringing and vibrating off the hook!

“OMG Are you ok?” someone asks. “Why? What happened?” I ask.  I was told bombs had gone off at the finish line of the marathon. Phones still ringing and ringing. I couldn’t answer them fast enough. We ran over to the trading floor to watch the live footage on the TV. It was horrible! I wanted to immediately leave but my only way out was on the train. Probably not the best time to go for a ride on the train. I kept quiet as I took this all in.

When I came back to my desk, I called our head quarters to see what our evacuation policy was. No answer. My boss made the executive decision that we needed to leave. No one knew if any more were going off or who or where was next. Better safe than sorry. We packed into his car in the parking garage and headed straight out of the city. After hopping in his car, we realized we never told anyone we were leaving. We tried to call someone, anyone to let them know we were safe. However, between all of our phones, we couldn’t get a call out. Finally after driving for about a half an hour, we got a signal and our phones were lit up with voice mails.

We made the appropriate calls and pulled off the highway to regroup and figure out our next step. Luckily my husband was able to come pick me up from there and we retrieved my truck from the train station.

On my way to the train station, my army friend called frantically explaining that if this is in fact a chain reaction effect, I need to be careful. Bomb goes off in the city, people flood to public transit, people retrieve cars from train station parking lots. It’s best to err on the side of caution. My husband dropped me at my car and I did a lap around my car, checked under the chassis and reported back to her that I didn’t see any garbage or any strange wires. I got in my car and everything was fine.

I felt lucky! Nothing happened directly to me and all my friends and family were safe. I got home and turned on the news for a more in depth look at what happened. It was awful and shocking! What is wrong with people? After seeing this unfold, I wasn’t sure if I’d go into the city until it’s sorted out or calmed down.

Today, I got up and decided that I would go in because if I don’t, the bomber wins because I am afraid. I went to the train station and hardly anyone was waiting. I got on the train and again, hardly anyone. The whole ride in I was going back and forth in my head, trying to decide if I would walk to work or take the T. They were inspecting bags and that did make me feel safe. However, is it really worth the hassle to go two stops?  

I got an email stating that there were delays due to a disabled train at North Station so, I had my answer: Walk! I met up with some friends and we walked together toward the financial district. Along the way were parked cruisers, alert officers and helicopters hovering from above. I didn’t even feel like I was in America. I felt like I was in another country. This is so surreal.

When I got to my office, they had blocked off all entrances but one. I had to walk around the block just to get in. Once entering, the entire security team from the building was on that side. After passing through them, I was finally able to go on the elevator and haven’t left the office since.

I am grateful that our city and security are taking these precautions. It does make me feel safer and helps me with my decision to come in to work today. A huge thank you to everyone for keeping us safe in the aftermath of this horrible tragedy.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Ruined Surprise

This morning on the train, there was hardly any of the normal commuters. Instead it was a bunch of Red Sox fans and marathon spectators with a few commuters sprinkled in. Today is a Massachusetts holiday. Most people have today off, unless your holidays are dictated by the stock market, then you have to work.

I sit down in my seat and a couple and their two kids get on and sit a few rows behind me. All four of them are dressed head to toe in Red Sox gear. The conductor goes by and she is always so nice. She tries to be personable with everybody.

“You guys look like you are going to the game today!” she says nicely.

The dad says in a pissed of tone “This is a surprise and you just ruined it lady!” the mom says even more irritated after the dad is done “We are just going to Boston. THAT IS IT!!!!!”

The conductor is stunned “Oh, I see! Well, I would love to see what this surprise is. Maybe I’ll catch you on your way back and I can find out.” She walks away.

The kids start chiming “What’s our surprise? What’s our surprise?” The parents continue trying to throw them off in their still pissed off tones. “We are going to Boston. That is it!”

Ok, I am not a parent but if I was a parent and had a surprise or if I had a surprise in general for anyone,  I’d tell the conductor “We are just going into the city today to enjoy our day off.” Done! End of story. The kids aren’t expecting some grand surprise and when you do surprise them, their faces will be genuine and the conductor doesn’t feel like an idiot for being friendly. What happened to people having couth? I swear, it is just gone these days!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Crouching Ninja, Hidden Dragon

Inappropriate Stretching Guy is also a ninja! Last night, I took a later train home. I got off the train at my stop and had to wait to cross the tracks to get to my truck. I immediately notice Inappropriate Stretching Guy and he looks like he is lined up to start a sprinting race. I smirk to myself because I just think this guy is too much. He’s got his running shoes on with his work pants, a wind breaker and his back pack while crouched over and ready to go. There aren’t many people around since it is the later train so I stand back and watch.

The conductors slam the doors and signal the engineer to go. As the train starts rolling out, this guy is bouncing up and down in his sprint position awaiting the end of the train. The end of the train clears and this guy is on the move as if it was a shot gun start. He runs through the parking lot and I keep looking to see what car he gets into. Ninja’s usually have pretty sweet cars. However, he doesn’t get into a car. He runs by all of them and out of the parking lot into the street. I continue watching as he disappears into the night. A couple people near me are shaking their heads because this guy just looks like a lunatic. I, on the other hand giggle to myself on the way to my truck because if it weren’t for people like him, my commute wouldn’t be as entertaining as it is!

Monday, April 8, 2013

A*s in my face- Stretching

Today, I had the honor of being behind someone that wanted to do their morning stretching routine while waiting for the train to arrive. He was standing on the platform packed in with everyone else while he is doing various stretching exercises. OK, it is one thing to go off in a corner and do your morning stretches. We get it, you have no time to do these things on your own personal time and in your own personal space and so, you have to get stretching done in a public place. Fine. We got it. However, it is another thing to stand among a herd of people and bend over and touch your toes so you’re a*s is in my face. Talk about awkward! If you go in a corner and do these away from people, it is not like you will miss the train. The train is loud enough when it comes in to the station, there are warning bells that go off and the train gives us three whistles to make sure we are paying attention. So, go stretch in the corner buddy!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

No Farting on the Train. Kapeesh?

So, let’s talk about farting in confined, enclosed spaces with lots of people around…DON’T DO IT! It’s that simple!

This morning on the train someone around me didn’t just fart once but twice! This my friends is as bad as dutch oven-ing someone in bed or turtle-ing someone in the car! Not cool my friend! Not cool! The windows on the train do not open. There is ZERO ventilation on that sucker. The only ventilation we get is at a stop when the conductor opens the doors to the outside. Once those airtight doors are closed, nothing comes in, nothing goes out. Is that clear? This means your stinky farting mess wafts in the air as everyone else around you gags and suffers until it clears. You either fart before you get on the train or you “clench” until you get outside. Got it? Thanks!

Monday, April 1, 2013

UPDATE- I Was That A*shole

So, a couple months ago, I was that a*shole that spilled her coffee on the train. Click Here to refresh your memory.

Now that you are refreshed on the topic, I get on the train this morning and take my seat. I see Video iPad Guy a few seats in front of me and I don't think much of it because his head is buried in his iPad once again so he is preoccupad-o and not worrying about me and my coffee. I get off the train and hop on the T to State St. and don't think anything of it again. I get off at State, walk to my building and head in side. I head through the gates with my trusty key badge to my elevator bank, punch in my floor on the key pad and a letter flashes directing me to my elevator. I love this system because it doesn't allow more than three floor stops per elevator ride! Pretty sweet in the morning and afternoons. Moving on...I hop in the elevator on the flat screen side for better viewing. I swear, I get most of my news from the elevator scrolling screen. I wait for others to be directed on. One guy gets on and stands next to me. I think the doors are going to close but one more floor appears in the que and in walks Video iPad Guy! I go to open my mouth to ask him how his peacoat is doing but instead he turns up his iPad and I can hear some form of bass coming from his ear buds.

So, now instead of small talk, there is that awkward elevator silence. The elevator stops and I am hoping that Video iPad Guy is the one getting off but there is no such luck! It's the guy next to me getting off instead. Once the doors close, Video iPad Guy scooches up to the doors. And scooches some more until... this is for real and my jaw dropped...his nose is touching the door! Awkward! Awkward! Awkward! I am rolling my eyes now because A.) I can and B.) he can't see me with his nose plastered to the door!

The elevator stops and the doors open, he practically jumps off the elevator and runs toward his office's front door. The elevator doors close again. I can see his breath fog on the brass doors. Gross! I go up a few more floors where the doors finally open for me and I am off and ready to go to work... and because of all this, I miss my morning news brief. Happy Monday folks!