Little Engine Who Could

It seems that everyone has their breaking point when it comes to being packed in like a sardine on the T. This morning the Orange Line was having some signal issues. As it pulled in to North Station, the T was packed. I boarded and we all sat there packed in like sardines waiting…willing for the T to just go! The doors remained open and we just sat in the station, and sat, and sat! The driver suggested we take the Green line instead and then we heard it over the loud speaker at the station. No one moves. After a while I hear “I can’t take this anymore!” and someone charges off the T from the depths of the aisles. We let this person off and pile back into the train. Then after we’re all situated again, another person decides they too are feeling a bit claustrophobic and come charging off. We let him off and pile back in. Well this is fun and unnecessary. Once we are back in, the doors close and we are on our way. Like the little engine who could, we go slowly down the tracks. Finally we make it to State Street and I am off the T. Phew! I can breathe again and I’m off to work.

SuperStar vs. Cat Piss Lady

Is it rude to spray the sh*t out of someone with Fabreeze because they smell like cat piss? This morning on the commuter rail in, I sat next to a woman who’s cat either peed on her on her way out the door or she is just the crazy cat lady that has so many cats that the smell wafts all throughout her house and sets in on her clothes. Either way it was disgusting and I was stuck next to her because it was a packed train so it was either sit next to the cat piss lady or stand the whole way. I resorted to pretty smelling lotion slathered on my hands and holding it up to my face like the Super Star character from Saturday Night Live!

Ironic! Don't you think?

Happy Monday! I would have had a free ride today had I not purchased a monthly pass since no one bothered to come around and check passes today on the commuter rail. In the words of Alanis Morissette “It’s a free ride, when you’ve already paid… Isn’t it ironic… Don’t you think?”

18 Wheeler!

Happy Friday!! My Friday started off nicely. I was running on time for the commuter rail when all of a sudden, I am cut off by an 18 wheeler that decided he wants to go 20 miles per hour. I can't pass him, I am just stuck behind him. Since I don't leave too much room for error on my morning commute of about 3 miles to the train, this totally screwed me over! Finally about a mile before the train station, the lanes open up to two lanes and I was able to whiz by him and cut in front of him. I rushed that last mile and pulled into the first parking spot I could comfortably fit in. I then grabbed my things and booked it out of my car to the platform. As I get on the train I wonder to myself "Did I leave my car in first gear? Did I at least put the e-brake on?" Great, I'm on the train and now I don't know if my vehicle is rolling around the parking lot like a lost grocery cart! Happy Friday. Let's all cross our fingers my vehicle is on flat land!!

Nicely Played

This morning, unlike yesterday, being skinny among not-so-skinny people worked to my advantage. I ran down the stairs at North Station to catch the T going toward Forest Hills. If I didn't catch it, I was waiting five or more minutes for the next one. As I ran down the steps, I notice the train is packed! I also spot a small little spot on the edge that I am sure I could squeeze in to. I then notice about three people hovering around that spot and then back up as if to say they give up.

I run over to them and say "Do you mind?" as I motion to the spot (If they could have fit there, there is no way in hell I would have taken that spot! You take the last spot on the T like that and you are gonna make some enemies). They motion for me to go ahead. I jump on the T in that tiny little spot that they weren't going to fit in and bang into a guy who is already boarded and holding on to the hand rails. "I'm so sorry!" I tell him. "No problem. That was nicely played! Well done!" Triumphantly I tell him "Thank you." as the doors close immediately behind me.

It's a better start to my day today and hopefully the day continues on nicely.

Venting

Ok, I am sick and tired of being squished on the train! I may be a size zero weighing in at 109 pounds but it doesn’t give you the right to squish me because you’re ass is too damn big! Maybe…Just MAYBE, when you’re 350 plus pounds you could find a seat and sit all by yourself in it OR you could find a three seater that has one person in it and take up the other two seats BUT don’t find ME in a two seater and take up the whole damn seat so that I am pressed against the damn window the entire freakin’ ride! I wouldn’t walk down the aisle and see you sitting in a two seater and see the sliver of room on the seat and say “That’s a perfect spot for me. I’ll sit there!” No, it wouldn’t happen, EVER! I’d keep walking soooo obviously if I would pass up on a sliver of a seat on the outside on the aisle, I wouldn’t want a sliver of a seat on the inside next to the window. At least with the aisle I’d be able to freakin’ breath.

So, are we clear? Don’t squish the skinny person because you’re not…um skinny! Please and thank you!

Style

Today on my ride home, someone asked how my weekend was. I said it went well and that I had gone to Wrentham to do some shopping. He responds "Is that where you do most of your shopping because I noticed that you dress a lot better than most?" OH MY GOD! He made my night, maybe even made my week...I dress better than most? WOW! I am on cloud nine! My ultimate goal is to always look nice and presentable in public. None of this "Wear-your-pajamas-to-Walmart-Bullsh*t" I always try to look presentable and have class and someone noticed and told me. I guess it's the small touches and signature pieces that go a long way and I'm so excited it was recognized.

Fall Fashion Thoughts

My ADD fall fashion thoughts as I walked through the train station this morning. Yes, I could go to hell...

“Oh! No, No, No! Where did you get your skirt this morning? Out of the laundry pile? It’s a crumpled mess!”

“YOU CAN’T WEAR WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY LADY!”

“Oooh That’s cute! Black blazer and a red dress…remember that outfit. I could so do that!”

“Do you EVEN own a full length mirror?”

“Buddy, when you shrink your pants, they go to good will so someone who is shorter than you can fit in them. We aren’t in a flood zone.”

“Scrunchy slouch socks? They still make those? I thought those went away with the 90’s!”

“Braids! Super cute! Could I get away with wearing braids to the office? Hmm?”

“T-Shirt? Aren’t you freezing in this 47 degree weather lady? Oh wait, you’re like older, maybe you are experiencing a hot flash…my bad.”

“Shape-Ups! Get those off you’re feet!!”

“Cute Sweater! Yes, sweaters… it’s that season. I forgot about them. Yay. I get to start wearing my sweaters.”

“Would it kill you to just put a brush through your hair?”

“Super cute boots! Thanks for reminding me, I have a ton stashed under my bed that I can start to rock! YAY! Tomorrow for sure!”

“Nylons? Tights? CRAP! I’m so not ready for this!”

Lip Glaze

Here's a fun tid bit I learned this morning- Don't wear ooey gooey fabulous lip glaze while waiting for your train in the subway! When trains go by at top speed in both directions it creates a wind tunnel and therefore random things stick to your lips that you have no idea what they are or where they come from! That is all.

Drama Queen

This morning, this girl just rubbed me the wrong way. I get on the train and there is no where to sit. I spot a younger girl who is using the second seat in her row to house her bags. I look down and say “Do you mind if I sit down?” She just looks up at me and looks at her bags. I look at her bags too. There is the floor or the over head rack in which you can store those. I refuse to stand so your bags have a seat. I repeat myself “Do you mind if I sit down?”

She looks up at me again. Hastily moves her bags onto her lap and mumbles “These bags are nice bags. Hmph.” I ignore her and sit down. This is not the first time I have encountered one of you girls and believe me, if I wasn’t a train commuter, I’d probably be just like these girls but I have gotten over myself and my nice bags!

 She slouches down in her seat with her knees against the back of the seat in front of us and her arms are folded across her chest. Every time we turn a slight corner or hit a slight bump or slow down, her bags lose their balance on her lap and each time she hastily rearranges them. Yes, you have two lovely LongChamp bags but I can guarantee you that my Tumi bag probably cost more than those two bags combined and it is on my knee… it doesn’t need it’s own seat. Had she been sitting properly, the bags would have sat just fine on her lap.

After she is done being a drama queen, I whip out my phone and start replying to emails and checking facebook. She has the balls to look over my shoulder and read my phone. Um, let’s add a new train etiquette rule and I thought this goes without saying: “Don’t read other people’s phone’s! That is private and not your business! End of Story!”

Clearly, this girl is not a regular commuter! If she just started commuting, she will either get used to it and adjust or not make it the first month. We shall see.

That Awkward Moment

That awkward moment when you pull up in your parking spot at the train station in between two vehicles you presume are unoccupied because the train will be coming in a matter of minutes. You grab your stuff from the passenger seat and turn back to the driver side door to get out and realize that the mini van next to you has a half naked woman inside putting on her bra and frantically trying to get her shirt over her head!

Trying to pretend I didn’t just see that, I sneak out of my car and head to the platform. Surprisingly she makes the train and sits near me. She whips out a bottle of nail polish remover and some cotton balls and starts doing her nails. The smell is awful. The smell is even worse when the power to that particular train car isn’t working properly and therefore is not ventilated. Clearly, this woman doesn’t have a second for herself on the home front!

How to Remove Skunk Smell From Your Dog

This morning on my ride in, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of a man who was talking about how his dog got sprayed by a skunk. He was saying how he kept dumping V8 on the poor dog and the smell wasn't coming out. Well, first of all buddy, the old remedy is tomato paste... NOT V8 Tomato Juice! Big difference. However, I will say this, my dog has been sprayed plenty of times by skunks and this concoction has never failed me! It even got the smell out of her brand new  Coach Collar (Thank GOD!)

Combine these ingredients in a large bowl:

1/4 cup of Baking Soda
2 tsp of Dawn Dish Soap
2 Pints of Hydrogen Peroxide

Mix to form a liquidy paste.

(If you have a large dog, double this or you can do like me and just dump these ingredients into a bowl guesstimating until you have the right consistency in a frantic state because you're dog is stinking up your house and you just want the smell to go away! Either way works just fine.)

Slather on dog (avoid eyes and nose). If fizzing happens, it means it's doing it's magic so let it sit for 5 minutes. Rinse off dog and repeat the process. You may be thinking that the peroxide will discolor. However, my dog is black and white and it has never discolored her black spots.

So, don't do tomato paste and for Christ's sake, don't do V8! What the hell good is that gonna do? Seriously!

Sooooo you're welcome! You can now go back to having a clean and fresh smelling dog now!

Trying to be Nice. Karma is a B*tch.

Friday on my way home, I went down to State to hop on the Orange line to North Station. I noticed these two older women with luggage that looked lost. They found a map of the T and were chatting back and forth about which way they should go and how they weren’t sure. I know how if feels to be lost in an unfamiliar subway so as I walked by I said “Where do you ladies need to go?” they stared at me blankly. I knew it wasn’t a language barrier because I just over heard them speak English! “I can try to point you in the right direction if you’d like.” I say thinking that if I rephrase it, maybe they will comprehend that I’m just trying to be nice so they don’t have to be lost. The two of them just stare at me. However, this time with evil eyes. What? Am I supposed to be afraid? You have evil eyes… I have pepper spray. Just sayin’.  

 I start to walk away and one goes to the other “Looking at the map, we should be able to get to North Station by going this way.” Since I was going to North Station myself, I figured they’d be right behind me. I turned around to see where they were heading. NOPE! They trotted off toward the wrong platform and ya know what? If I try to help you twice and I full well know you’re heading in the wrong direction after I tried to help… good luck to you and may you realize you’re heading in the wrong direction at the least opportune time, may you get off in the ghetto and may you miss your connecting train at North Station. Karma is a b*ch ladies isn’t it?