Purple People Eater

Ok people, let’s talk fashion! There is this girl I see every single day at the train station. She is super annoying first of all. I always over hear her talk to people about her ailments. “I’m on my meds today so I’m a little loopy.” “It’s not as bad as it used to be now that I gained weight and my meds aren’t over powering.” “I was in so much pain …blah blah blah.” Shut the f*ck up. We don’t care! These people nod at her with a blank smile on their face like “You’re telling me this WHY?”  AND I am pre-coffee and don’t want to hear about your bull sh*t. I don’t go around telling people if I have ailments because it’s uncouth. No one needs to know about your bodily functions. I don’t know why people think its ok to tell everyone their problems but unless you are at a Dr’s office, with family or close friends- WE DON’T CARE!

Anyway, I probably wouldn’t be so annoyed by her bad fashion sense if she wasn’t so annoying herself.

For instance, if you have…say… a purple pair of skinny jeans, you need to wear those suckers few and far between! If they were normal jeans, no one would notice but when you wear purple skinny jeans twice a week, every week… its noticeable! She wears them all the time with her stupid pleather boots that she probably got at Target!

So let’s recap:

·         Don’t talk about your bodily functions/ailments/meds to strangers and/or acquaintances.

·         If you have a fashionable piece of clothing that stands out, you cannot wear it two times within one week.

·         Don’t wear pleather boots…PERIOD!

Conductor on My Sh*t List

Have you ever had one of those days where you wonder why you continue to be a good person? Today was one of those days.

I had a Dr’s appointment. I knew I could make the 10:23am train by the skin of my teeth. I get to the train station and park at 10:17am. That is 6 entire minutes I have to walk from my car to the parking meter to the platform. That is plenty of time. I get out of my car and see the train pull in. I book it to the parking meter. Pay and book it over to the platform. It is pouring rain outside. I didn’t even open my umbrella so that I could run faster. Everyone boards the train. The conductor looks me dead in the eyes and hops on the train. I scream “Please hold the door!” as I am only 10 feet away. TEN FEET! I assumed he might have hopped on the train to get out of the rain. Then I hear it. THUNK! It’s the conductor pulling the steps. I look up, I am now three feet away. He then looks me dead in the eyes and gives the engineer the signal to go.

I am now standing AT the entry while he is standing in the doorway. The train takes off and he screams “Sorry, you just missed it.” As he whizzes right on by me.

I turn around to head inside the station since I wasn’t going to sit on the platform in the pouring rain until the next train came in an HOUR. I looked up at the train board as I was walking. The time was 10:21am! That F*CKING train left BEFORE its scheduled time. I should have been on it.

First of all, they left early. Second of all, it’s not that hard to have a heart and see someone running for the train in the pouring rain and wait for them…especially when they are 10 feet away…AND especially when the train is running early! That, to me was heartless and clearly intentional since he looked me dead in the eyes twice AND heard me ask him to hold the door.

But don’t worry Mr. A*shole conductor, I got a good look at you as you drifted by me and told me I just missed it! I don’t forget a face and if I see you, you better hope I don’t have an aisle seat. You just might happen to trip every time you walk by me!

All I want for Christmas...

All I want for Chrismas is my noise canceling head phone…my noise canceling head phones….my nose canceling head phone!

And here is why: Every time I have ever seen this kid, she is screaming…for no damn reason. She is screaming because some little boy stole her juice at school and she is still upset about it. She is screaming because her dad is holding her drawing incorrectly. She is screaming just to hear herself scream. The dad tries desperately to get this kid to shut up but she doesn’t! He coddles her and tries to make everything all right. Meanwhile the baby that is like one year old is sitting with the dad, bright eyed and happy while the 4 year old screams her fool head off for no reason. They sat right next to me but other times I have heard this child, she is on the other end of the car. The entire car has to endure this kids screaming at the top of her lungs, every single day from North Station to Anderson-Woburn.

I feel bad for the dad. He really does make an effort to be out of peoples way and to shut the kid up but that kid and her crocodile tears just keeps going and THIS my friends is why I need noise canceling head phones for Christmas! That is all!

The Morning Rush

This is my morning…I take the later train in to the office. I sit down next to a woman reading the newspaper. We get to the next stop and I slide in to the middle seat as there are many people standing. A guy sits down next to me and starts administering eye drops. Not Visine. Medically prescribed drops. He does it once and then dabs his eyes with tissue. As we get closer to the station, he does the eye drop thing again. I am REALLY hoping it wasn’t something contagious! REALLY HOPING!

Then I get to North Station. We walk out of TD and try to head into the T station. There are people lined up in a crazy mob scene spilling out of the T station and into the street. I contemplate walking but it was freezing out and I decided I’d take the T. Once I get inside, I realize the escalator is broken and everyone is taking the stairs. It was as if everyone forgot how to use stairs!! I mean really people, quick complaining!  It’s not that hard…and if more of you took the stairs instead of the escalator, you’d knock off some extra pounds (Just sayin’!). I choose stairs over the escalator every chance I get.

So, while everyone is trying to remember how to walk down stairs, the Jehovah witnesses stand by their stand of Bibles with a smile on their face. Um, what the hell is with them in North Station! They don’t approach anyone (which I am not complaining about) and I have never seen someone approach them. Sooo, why are they wasting their time!?

Once everyone has managed to take the stairs, I get to the tracks. The train pulls in and it’s packed to the brim. The guy in front of me is literally the last one on. There was no room for me to squeeze on and the woman beside me was so upset she couldn’t fit on either. She says  to me as the packed train pulls away “I feel like they are just leaving me behind!” A little melodramatic but I get it.

We wait 5 minutes for the next train. When it arrives there is no one on it! I mean no one! She and I hop on and we each get a seat! UNHEARD OF in rush hour morning trains! So, sometimes packing on to a train isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. If you wait for that next train, sometimes you just might get a seat!  

Football Try Outs on the T Today

It’s totally frustrating when you are trying to get on a train and everyone is packed around the door and there are about 5 spots available at the end of the train. Sometimes people scream down to the end to move down. Sometimes people don’t say a word and wait for the next train but today…today was different.

I get on the packed train. I am literally the last one that will fit. The guy behind me had no shot. That is, until he spotted 5 empty spots open at the end of the train. He screams down “Can you please move down so we can get on?”

No one moves! They just look at him. I can’t do anything because no one in front of me moved.

He then says “Fine! If no one wants to move down, I’ll make my way down.”

He starts by shoving me into another girl and we both hit our heads on the pole next to us. He continues to just shove people out of the way as if he was trying out for a football team. Three people snuck in on his coat tails.

I mean, I get it! It’s frustrating to stand on the platform as the train takes off and you see empty space where you might have fit. However, you don’t have to injure me in the process of proving your point.

Your Balls Aren't THAT Big

This morning on the way in, I sat at a window seat. A man sat in my seat on the aisle end of the three seater. He was reading the paper all spread out and his legs spread eagle. When he was asked to move in, he obliged. However, he remained in the same stance. Newspaper was wide open and his legs spread out as wide as they could go.

Ok buddy! First, I am pretty sure the article you are reading is contained to just one page. Fold the paper in half! Second, unless you have elephantitis, YOUR BALLS AREN’T THAT BIG! Close your legs and give me some damn room!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Sitting with a Fire Fighter

Today I was having a bad day. I dropped my “sparkly shiny dollar coins” in the parking lot and lost them in the leaves. When I bent down to get them out of the leaves, I ended up spilling my coffee on the arm of my jacket. I was so irritated. Once I found my “sparkly shiny dollar coins” for the parking machine, I heard the train coming and started to walk a little faster. My coffee splashed out of my cup and onto my gloves.

I went and paid the parking and then ran inside to grab some paper towels because there was a huge line to get on the train, I figured I had time to do it. When I got back outside I went into a different car than usual because I was freezing and that line was shorter. I grabbed a seat facing a man in a red hat. I sat down flustered and pulled out my book.

A few stops in, I decided to move inward and to let others sit. When I did, the guy in the red hat started talking to me. Small talk at first. He had an appointment in the city. He liked going in on the train but it was only his third time doing it so he was still confused but enjoyed the scenery. I closed my book and put it away.

He started to tell me how he is a fire fighter. He is ready to retire. He wasn’t really ready to retire but there was a bad fire this summer and the Chief made a bad call. The reason he was going to Boston was for a Dr’s appointment to discuss this fire. He couldn’t handle what happened that day and is done firefighting.

He then went on to say how he spent much of his life working for the dollar and how he wants to travel and see the States. Not even the world…the States. That says a lot to me. Because he was so focused on working, he missed a lot of things and now he was going to start his bucket list.

You ever have a bad day and then realize someone else is having a worse time than you. Suddenly my spilled coffee and dropped “sparkly shiny dollar coins” didn’t seem so bad. I also took away from this, work hard but play hard too. It’s not all about making money. You have to have fun, live and travel while you can.

I Got a Kiss on the Train

Yesterday, my friend and I sit in seats facing each other. We each had an open seat next to us, as we were facing each other. A woman with her adorable, well behaved son sat down next to me. He sat on her lap the entire ride and ate his gold fish. Another woman sat down next to my friend and we were all chit chatting about various grocery shopping techniques. When we go, when the worst time to go is, do you go during the game, don’t go before the game and so on. The boy just munched on his gold fish and when he and his mom got to their stop, he blew me several kisses as he went down the aisle. He was too cute! Why can’t all kids on the train be like him?

Train to Nowhere

When the conductor gets to our stop in the morning he shouts out “Train to Boston!” when he jumps on the train to let us on. Well, this morning he screams out “Train to nowhere!”

SOOO, naturally what song do I have stuck in my head all the way to Boston?

Talking Heads! Road to Nowhere

We're on a road to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride

I'm feelin' okay this mornin'
And you know
We're on a road to paradise
Here we go, here we go

We're on a ride to nowhere
Come on inside
Takin' that ride to nowhere
We'll take that ride

Maybe you wonder where you are
I don't care
Here is where time is on our side
Take you there, take you there

We're on a road to nowhere (Hah! Hey! Hi!)
We're on a road to nowhere
We're on a road to nowhere

There's a city in my mind
Come along and take that ride
And it's all right, baby it's all right….

Thankful for: Train Friends and Not Worrying

Today is not about the train. It’s about being thankful (Well, kind of about the train since I am thankful for my train friends) I have been seeing all over Facebook people posting every day what they are thankful for. They are thankful for their BFFE, Friends, Perfect Husbands … they are even thankful for FACEBOOK! I am NOT by any means discounting these things because I am thankful for my BFFE. She is super woman and if I asked her to fly, she’d find a way to do it! I am thankful for my husband because he lets me be ME and doesn’t try to restrain the goals I have. I am thankful for friends because without them, where would I be? I’d be lonely on the train, I’d have no one to share martinis with, I’d have no one to share laughs with. I am, surprisingly thankful for Facebook…how else would I keep up with everyone’s busy lives?

However, I am most thankful that I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from! Yesterday I was at a conference. I saw a disheveled guy come in who was in his late 20’s, early 30’s. He had on jeans and a hoodie. I assumed he was a bike messenger since the place was swarming with business types and lots of documents were movin’ and shakin’. I looked at his pant leg and saw that he did not have his pant leg rolled up or that bike strap thing that makes it so your pants don’t get caught in the chain. So, that ruled out bike messenger. He shuffled around the lobby area nervously and then disappeared. Once the men in suits went into their meetings and the presentation rooms and it was just me manning the registration desk, I saw this man sneak by me and head into the hospitality suite where the last of our buffet lunch was sitting. I almost got up and asked if I could help him but then I saw what he was doing. He had paper towels in his hand and from my vantage point I could see him. He opened the paper towels and wrapped a few sandwiches in them. He grabbed a couple cookies and a soda. When he walked out, he had his head down and tried to sneak by me again. I saw his jeans up close. They were dirty. His hair was tattered. His sweatshirt was grungy. I almost cried. This guy wasn’t a messenger, he was finding lunch…and maybe even dinner. I have never been put in a situation where I don’t know where my next meal is coming from and I am very thankful I haven’t. To see it up close and personal though, makes me appreciate the fact that I don’t have to worry.  

Heat! It’s an Easy Concept!

This morning it’s cold! I mean cold!! I decide since it’s only November, I am not going to wear my abominable snowman jacket and sport one of my lighter winter jackets while it should be warm enough to wear them. I get to the train station, walk toward the platform and decide I am a wimp so I wait inside until the train comes. When the train comes, I head outside and wait to hop on the train. When I get on the train, there is no temperature change. The only change is that outside it is cold with a slight breeze and in the train it’s….cold with no breeze! The entire way to North Station, I read my book with my gloves on and debated throwing my hood on but I didn’t want to be too melodramatic!

OK MBTA, it’s called “HEAT!” As in, it’s 26 degrees out. Why don’t we turn the heat on?  That is all.

Get Your Suburban Panties Out of a Bunch

Oh Halloween....it's on the chopping block for me right now! I don’t think I ever really liked the holiday but I have always gone along with it.

Yesterday I wore my orange and black and was as festive as I could be in a professional office. Example: Wearing glow in the dark skeleton earrings was out of the question!

I took the early train home because my town posted on the Mass trick or treating site that it started at 5pm. I rushed home only to find that it had been miss posted and it actually started at 6pm. It also seems like everyone else saw the miss posted trick or treat time because the train was so packed that it was eventually standing room only…ALL THE WAY to the end of the line. Which never happens and then I sat in traffic to get out of the train parking lot which also, never happens!

What happens after I get home, I never saw coming! My husband works for a beverage company. A coworker of his says that he hands out soda and is the coolest house in the neighborhood. Everyone loves it!! My husband tells me and I think it’s a great idea so instead of candy, we hand out soda!

First of all, do kids say “Trick or Treat” anymore because these little snots just came to the door and just opened their bag? Not one word.

Then, we got a trick or treater that gave us back our soda and walked off of our porch almost in tears. The mom asked what was wrong as if WE did something to the poor kid.

The next kid got a soda in her bag and screams to the kids in the Cul De Sac “Don’t go to this house!!!!” Um, flat out rude!!! I would NEVER have had the balls to say anything like that when I was little. Not even of the house giving out fruit or Necco wafers!

We got another kid that was psyched over his soda and when he got to his parents, they scream to us from the street “You have some GUTS!!!!”

Another kid says to us “Sweet! My mom’s gonna be pissed!”

And another woman says to us “He’s not drinking that.” Then turns to the kid and says “Keep walking.” They then cut across the lawn and I secretly hoped they stepped in dog sh*t!

We got a few tweens that were psyched to get the soda and others welcomed the drink as they were thirsty from walking from house to house.

However, I never saw the rude comments coming. I was taught that if it’s something you don’t like, you take it and say “Thank you” anyways. If you don’t like it or your parents had a problem with it, they’d confiscate it at the end of the night or  you trade it with your sibling.

Do you think I told the people with Necco wafers that I don’t like them? NO! Do you think I told the people with Snickers that I was allergic to peanuts? NO… I took those for my dad! Did I tell people that I didn’t want Junior Mints? Nope! Those were for mom!

If it’s caffeine they are worried about… um there is caffeine in chocolate! If it’s the sugar, then go tell the house giving out pixy stix that they have “guts” too! Lighted up! It’s Halloween! Get your suburban panties out of a bunch!

That being said, I think the $50 bucks we spent on things to pass out will be spent on us next year instead.  We’ll stash the dog in the basement (the only place where the light isn’t seen from the road) and head to the local watering hole where we will avoid nasty parents and snotty kids.

I am officially ba-humbug about Halloween!

Oh….and Happy Friday.