Singing in the Train! Singing in the Train...

This morning I hop on at North Station and we stop a few minutes later at Haymarket. One lady gets on the train and says to everyone "Wake up everybody! It's a great day to be alive!" We are all grasping our coffee mugs as if they are life lines. We are all quiet and somber and no one says a word. Another guy tries to pile in to the already packed train. "Come on Mister! We have room! Room for everyone on this fine day." She says in the most cheerful voice and at 7am you just want to kick her.

The guy looks at her and squeezes on. "It's so quiet in here." he says to her. Clearly, he doesn't ride the train often because the train in the morning is full of coffee deprived people who can barely form a sentence until that cup of coffee from Starbucks in their hands has been drained into their mouths. The doors close and we continue to State.

"Yes it is quiet. Let's sing a song! What do you want to sing?" She asks and once again in a cheery voice that makes you just wanna... you guessed it, kick her! AND now that we're moving, it wouldn't be so far fetched to kick her on "accident". However, I refrain because I know I am getting off in thirty seconds.

They go back and forth on what they would like to sing. They are just about to Que up when I hear "State. Doors open on the left!" Phew! I dodged a bullet there. I did not want to hear singing prior to finishing my life line in my hands also known as coffee!!

Bad Breath and Sweatin' Out the Brew

OK People, you can't go throwing Train Etiquette Tips by the wayside! What the heck happened to train etiquette tips one and two. I will refresh your memory in case you are a culprit of these in the morning-

"Train Etiquette Tip #1- Hygiene

Prior to stepping on the train, make sure your hygiene is in check. No one wants to smell booze sweating out your pores or the peppers and onions you cooked for dinner last night. Take a shower, brush your teeth, do what ever is necessary to remove foul smells from your body.

Train Etiquette Tip #2- Hygiene (Continued)

Take care of your hygiene before you leave for your trip or morning commute. Shaving, clipping your nails or licking the bleeding cut on your knee are not acceptable on the train. I have to breathe in the air in which your shavings disperse into, walk on the floor your nail clippings fall on and the bleeding knee… please, no one wants to look at that. Ask for a tissue. I’m sure someone has one! "

 

Now that you have been refreshed, please adhere to these rules upon sitting next to me. This morning I had someone sit next to me who failed to brush his teeth and was also sweating out booze from last night. Yes, I know, last night was a big night in Boston. Celtics game and Red Sox game. However, sit by yourself if the nasty beer MUST come out of those pore and for Christ's sake, brush your freaking teeth!

 

For a full list of Etiquette Tips go to Train Etiquette 101

 

 

She's Just Crazy and Losing Her Mind

This morning I sat next to a woman who talked to herself the entire ride. She got on a few stops after me and when she sat down and the train starts taking off she utters "Aw Shucks! I can't believe I forgot it." She digs through her bag vigorously "Yup I forgot it shucks!" she proclaims (She really said "Shucks!"). I figure that's the end of it since I have been known to talk to myself when I think I have forgotten something too and realize just as the train takes off that i forgot to put the e-break on for instance. "Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!" I proclaimed as people probably assumed I suffered from turrets. I had slammed my head against the window of the train to peer into the parking lot to make sure my vehicle wasn't rolling around like an abandoned shopping cart. Once the parking lot was out of sight, I sat down and forgot about it. I couldn't do anything after that point. So, naturally since I could forget about my e-break situation, I figured after her little fit, she'd forget about her situation too. WRONG!

"I can't believe I did that!" as she's rocking back and forth. "I can't believe I did that! Shucks! Right on the seat! Why did I leave it....." continues to rock herself. She went on and on from her stop to North Station. I looked over at one point to see if she was holding a phone to her ear. Maybe she called someone. Nope, not holding a phone to her ear. I then decided to investigate if she had a blue tooth on. I could only see her right side so when we got to North Station I had to discretely check out her left. Nope. No blue tooth on either side. She was just crazy and losing her mind. That is all!

But it's an Expensive Bag...

For those of you who remember my post on Various Seat Hogging Tactics, here is a perfect example of- The Bag Lady! To refresh your memory,

• The Bag Lady

Or bag man for that matter. Either way, this maneuver is for amateur train riders and is an old stand by for tried and true train riders. The subject places their bag on the seat instead of in the over head rack or on the floor by their feet. Subject hopes that people boarding see that obviously the bag is sitting in the seat so they in turn can not sit there. However, I on the other hand, will ask them to move their bags and sit anyways. I will make you move your bag before I stand in the aisle.  We all paid our train ticket and I don’t believe your bag did. (MBTA is looking into ticketing people who have their bags on seats and I honestly hope they do it.)

This morning on the train the conductor is coming through and there are a lot of people standing in the aisle with no seat. The conductor comes to a seat with a girl and an oversized hand bag in it. The conductor “Miss, you will have to move your bag. There are a ton of people in the aisles. Put it on the floor, on your lap, on the over head but it needs to be off that seat so people can sit.”

This girl looks up and says in her best Paris Hilton voice “But Sir, it’s an expensive bag.” The conductor is not amused.

“Then put it in your lap.” He says.

“Then how am I going to read?” she says continuing the Paris Hilton voice.

“If you don’t find a place for that, you will be standing in the aisle holding your bag and not reading and two people will get to sit.”

She grabs her purse in a fit and puts it on her lap. I might add that she was able to still read with her oversized purse in her lap and someone got to sit. I am glad the conductor said something! I have an expensive purse and an expensive back pack. The expensive back pack goes on the floor by my feet. You can’t get emotionally attached to a work bag when you are a train commuter. It’s going to get dirty and/or ruined and for my hand bag, I keep it on my lap and it remains pristine. Get over yourself girl, because everyone has expensive things and we all just deal with the fact that we are in a public space and it could get damaged.

Salem Witch on the T

I swear Tituba from the Salem Witch Trials was on the T this morning! I hear from about ten feet down on a completely silent T in a thick accent "Who you lookeeen at?" there is silence. She starts again "Who you think you lookeen at?" silence again! "I put a spell on people who look at me like dat!" silence once again. People are uncomfortable but lucky for me, I am standing right next to a guy who looks like he is going to his shift as a security guard so I was all set. The doors open and people start piling out of the train. I wish I got a look at her but it was so crowded and she was sitting so I couldn't see.

Picture from Salem Witch Museum

What About Bob?

Last night I wrapped up a little later at work than usual. I went down to the T and a train had just pulled in. I ran and hopped in the last train car instead of walking all the way down to nearly the first train car (If I am in the first few train cars, I am lined up perfectly at North Station with the escalators. So, if I have time, I head all the way down.). Last night I was just happy to get on the train instead of having to wait another five or more minutes for the next one.

I am getting situated as the doors literally shut behind me. I look up to see a woman standing there looking all normal until she reaches up to adjust her napkin. Yup, this woman created a barrier between her hand and the handle with a napkin in true “What About Bob?” style!

Next thing you know, she’ll be walking around with a gold fish around her neck and reading “Baby Steps”!

Ride the T With Out Your Pants On!

How was I not informed of this? It's like an official/unofficial don't wear your pants on the T day. I am SO coming to the city for this next year and riding around on the T. Weather or not I drop my pants is another story. Check out the full story here.  I think the best line I read was that some guys "stuff". Now I don't feel so bad for false advertising with that push up bra as a teen....