Plymouth and Brockton Magnifying Glass Lady

Tonight I am heading to the Cape for a girl friends 30^th birthday! I have never taken the bus to the Cape before so on my lunch break, I went to South Station to figure it out so I don’t have to figure it out at 5pm when everyone else is hustling and bustling around.

I get to South Station and head down long corridors to get to the Bus section of the station. I finally find the Plymouth and Brockton counter and wait patiently in line. The woman behind the counter is taking forever. The guy in front of me is playing with the one cigarette he probably has to his name that is tucked behind his ear for safe keeping. This guy is also carrying his prized possessions in a black trash bag and is fidgeting nervously. It was 2pm and I am assuming he needed to catch the 2:15pm bus.

The woman behind me starts talking. I have no idea she is talking to me. “This lady is crazy. She doesn’t belong here! She sits there with her stupid magnifying glass.” I don’t respond. “You know, I had to come here on my break because I knew she was working today and I just wouldn’t have time to get a ticket and catch the bus.”

Now I turn back. She WAS talking to me. “There is nothing worse than having to run for the bus… or the train after a long day at work.” Apparently I have egged her on.

“This lady shouldn’t work here. She is chatty to everyone and can’t see and all everyone wants to do is get their ticket and get goin’.”

It was finally my turn and this lady whips out a magnifying glass to read my credit card. I had to laugh. The lady behind the counter was a nice old lady who just wanted to chat and was blind as a bat. She processed my ticket quickly and I was on my way.

It’s funny how people pick up on the quirks of others. I definitely do but it was nice to see that others pick up on that stuff like I do… I just get to blog about it.

I’m off to the Cape!!

My Aunties Project

I found this quite interesting to see. After all, I ride the T every day and have wondered how these tunnels are created and what kind of effort goes into creating them. Here's a little video that I enjoyed. My Aunt is working on this project in NYC to help make the Second Avenue Subway happen. Take a look:

Second Avenue Subway

Woman Tries to Board Escalator with Scooter!

Here's a lovely gem I missed while I was gone. Check out this video:

Woman tries to board escalator with scooter!

First of all, I know for sure there is a warning not to take strollers on the escalator so what on earth would make someone think that they'd get to the top of the stairs safely in a motorized scooter. Some people's stupidity blows my mind sometimes.

Have a great day my friends!!

Drunk Growly Guy

I have been very busy lately. So, forgive me for not hopping on here to report my silly train stories.

A few days back, Shape Ups Chick sat next to me. It was kind of awkward. I did look down at her feet and she had, to my relief, stylish sandals on. Go Shape Ups Chick you made my day. I did however; find out something else about Shape Ups Chick. She is a germaphobe for sure! She sat down and whipped out an antibacterial wipe and wiped down her hands and arms. I thought it was a good idea because when you get on the commuter rail, you most likely have been stuck on the T to get there packed in like a sardine. So, I didn’t blame her. A few minutes go by and she hasn’t touched anything, she whips out another wipe and wipes herself down again. About ten minutes go by and she whips out another wipe and repeats the wipe down process. I had no idea Shape Ups chick was also a germaphobe.

Last night was a fun ride home, in the seat across from me there was a little girl fascinated with a mechanical tooth brush. The kid kept turning it on for long lengths of time. First of all, who lets their kid have their tooth brush on the train? If that kid accidentally touches the tooth brush to anything, it’s all over! The mother kept yelling at the kid to turn it off because she’d “wear out the batteries” and if the batteries died she’d “have to buy a new one.” Um, or if the kid touches that tooth brush to anything train related, it’s of no use in my book but this mother wasn’t worried about the germs or other peoples sanity (Do you know how annoying a mechanical tooth brush is when it’s buzzing next to you?)

This kid however; was not as annoying as the crazy drunk guy behind me though. I hear a drunk growly voice say “Do you know why Jesus hates you?” No one answers so he repeats himself. The poor guy next to him replies “I do not!” Drunk growly guy replies “Because you have sex. That’s right he hates you because you have sex.” The guy says “But I’m married.” And drunk growly guy replies “Jesus doesn’t care and he has no place for you. So where are you gonna go now?” the nice guy in the seat is stumped. He doesn’t say anything. Drunk growly guy starts getting louder “Where you gonna go now? You chose to have sex so Jesus doesn’t have a place for you!”

Please keep in mind this is an express train so it by passes multiple stops and you’re stuck on this train for at least 25 minutes. One woman around us gets up and walks to the front of the train after he starts drunk yelling. The nice guy talking to drunk growly guy replies meekly “I just don’t know.”

“Well you have to figure it out because I’m saved and you’re not so he has a place for me. Ya, that’s right. I’m saved. Jesus loves me but he…. Hates…..you!!!”

“ANDERSON WOBURN!!” screams the conductor!

And we’re all saved by the conductor and are free to go.

Get In My Belly!

Yesterday I took an earlier train in to work because I had a lot to get done at the office. When I go in early I get a lot more done since no one is in the office and the phones aren't ringing. As I am getting out of my seat on the train and entering into the aisle, I am closing out of Facebook and returning to my home screen on my phone. My one and a half year old nephew is my wall paper at the moment. Fat Bastard was nice enough to let me go in front of her and she sees my nephew on my phone.

"Isn't he adorable?" She says to me. I turn around and say a quick thank you before departing the train. As I am walking down the platform I had a huge smirk on my face. I was trying to hold in my laughter because all I could think of was Fat Bastard in the movie Austin Powers. "Get in my belly! Baby! The other-other white meat! Baby! It's what's for dinner!"

Obviously I knew she didn't want to eat my nephew for dinner but I couldn't help but envisioning that hysterical scene in my head.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Picture Courtesy of Urban Dictionary

You're Old!

Last night on the way home, I sat in the seat across from a girl with ear buds in. The train conductor comes by and goes "What are you listening to?" She removes one of the ear buds and looks up "50 Cent!" she says to him. The conductor goes "Who's that?" and she replies "Really? You're old!"

I have always looked at him as maybe late 30's/ early 40's. Usually someone in that age bracket knows who 50 Cent is.

You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone wanted to hear what came next. He replies "Ya, I'm old. Older than you'd think." Few! He took it well. I could envision it going badly and I'm sure everyone around me did too. He had a sense of humor and didn't kick her off the train or jack up the price of her ticket.

I'm the Stinky One!!

Last Friday, my cousin flew into Boston and came directly from the airport to my office to pick me up and grab lunch. We ventured into the North End and had a fabulous Italian lunch. We shared a bottle of red wine and then hit up her favorite little spot- The Cigar Bar! That place is just so much fun. Very old school and, if you smoke cigars, hookah or even cigarettes, they have a permit for you to smoke in there. The maroon leather seats are inviting and you can linger there while you enjoy your cigar or hookah of choice. I didn't have a cigar. However, I like a good martini so we lingered for a while. Before I knew it it was 5pm. Since I had cleaned up shop at the office that day, I didn't feel so bad. I walked back to the office after a delightful outing and grabbed my things to go home. When I got into the office, I realized I smelled like cigar smoke. I sprayed myself down with perfume, I mean doused and hoped for the best. I briskly walked to the train station and was on my way home.

When I got on the train, I took a seat by myself since I was one of the first ones on. A gentleman sat next to me, probably thinking I was a safe bet since I look pretty normal. As the train started rolling out of the station, I notice him sniffing the air and looking around. He sniffs in my direction. He sniffs in the other direction. There is no burly guy on the train that could possibly belong to the smell he is smelling. He glances in my direction again and is really confused. I am wearing a black and white sundress with my hair in a neat bun and smelling like cigars covered up by Victoria's Secret perfume. At this point it dawns on me that my perfume isn't doing a good job masking the cigar smell and I kinda laugh to myself once I realize that I am THE stinky person on the train! It's ME!

I post on Facebook that I am the stinky one on the train while quasi laughing. The train stopped and a few people got off around me but my seat mate is still there. He looks around to see if there is an empty seat. There is. He turns to me and says "I'm going to give you you're space!" and moves far far away from me! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop laughing to myself. I had to pretend that I was reading something funny on my Blackberry. It could have been the half a bottle of wine and two martini's that were helping my giddiness too but there you have it and my lesson learned- sometimes there is nothing you can do to prevent yourself from being that stinky person on the train.