Hot or Not! Say Cheese!

I just might be ditching my commuter shoes in about a week. Breaking news! A new website is launching called BostonTcrush.com . The idea of this website is for people to take candid pictures of unsuspecting people on the T who they think are hot. They then, get to post the pictures to this site and others can go on and rate the person in the photo! With noiseless camera phones, I am freaking out. What if someone takes a picture of me or I am an innocent by standard to a photo and I have my commuter shoes on along with my “hideous marshmallow” coat that keeps me toasty warm. EEK! I can’t take this kind of pressure!  I have heard however, that you can contact the site if your picture is taken and request that they remove the photo and they will but still… I don’t think I like this. Yes, I blog about the crazies and the weirdo’s on the train. However, I don’t take their picture and give their identities away… I am nice about it. I don’t think Fat Bastard or El-Creep-O would be flattered if they figured out they were them in my blog.

You can catch the full story of this launching site at:

http://www.metro.us/boston/local/article/1083483--say-cheese-mbta-riders-boston-t-crush-launches-this-week

'Often I'd take out my magnifying glass and stare into the chaos that was her face.' - David Sedaris

This morning I had the lovely pleasure of sitting behind a woman who was inspecting her hands and nails with a magnifying glass. What could she have possibly been looking for? I just don't understand. Was she inspecting her weekend manicure? Was she a hand model? Judging by her face, a hand model was her only shot at modeling (I know I'm harsh but seriously, not everyone is cut out to model. OK?)! I thought this was rather strange.

Once I opened up my book and started reading because I just couldn't look through that magnifying glass anymore, she whips out a compact and starts inspecting her face. Holding the magnifying glass to her chin area and looking at it through her compact mirror. Since I have come to the conclusion that she couldn't possibly be a model-model, I had to write it off as a quirky OCD! We all have them and hers was magnifying her imperfections or at least trying to find her imperfections. I feel that if you can't see imperfections with the naked eye, they aren't there!

Pick Pockets on the Commuter Rail

In a previous post, I discussed the proper etiquette of being a train commuter. Pertaining to what I have just heard, there is yet another reason why you should not sleep on the train! To refresh your memory, below is Etiquette Tip #7:

 

Train Etiquette Tip #7- Sleeping

Do not sleep on the train if you are a:

·        Snorer

·        Sleep talker

·        Sleep walker

·        Sleep Snuggler

No one wants to hear you snoring or speaking sweet nothings to no one and by all means, we do not want you snuggling up to us!

 

Aside from being a snorer, sleep talker, sleep walker and sleep snuggler there is one other problem that is very real and never occurred to me. Someone else! Yes, while you are sleeping someone else has the power. I recently read that a man sat next to a lovely woman who had fallen asleep. This man, opened her purse and stole her wallet. Upon getting to the station, she awoke to find her purse still open and her wallet missing. When she started to balk about it, another passenger who had witnessed this man rummaging through her purse pointed the culprit out. They then went to the conductor and the brave conductor forced the culprit to hand over the wallet and money. People are desperate right now and it is becoming very real that people don't have their own funds. Be careful when you are riding the train. Stay alert and don't fall victim of these jerks that go after the easy score. Had it not been for someone witnessing him in the act, this woman may not have gotten anything back!

 

 

Underwear from a Vending Machine!

You can buy underwear from a vending machine in South Station! Really! I am not joking. This is great for business people on the go or transients that don't have a way to get to a local Target (Not that Target is the ideal place to purchase underwear but you catch my drift.)The protesters of Occupy must have loved this machine since they were camped out across the street for quite some time with no way of doing laundry.

These underpants are nothing flattering but they get the job done. What I'd like to know is if they are one size fits all? You really have to be desperate if you are willing to purchase underwear from a vending machine. I'm sure we've all been there traveling thinking "Gee, I really could use another pair of underwear!"

This vending machine also dispenses T-Shirts, socks and sunglasses but what really takes the cake is the fact that there is a market for underwear coming from a vending machine in a train station. 

Little Italy

As I wrapped up a fabulous evening with my cousin in the North End of Boston, I found myself at the train station at 10:30pm. I don’t think I have been to the train station that late before. I am usually home by then or have a ride home from the city. As I sat and waited to board the 10:40pm train to Lowell, I did some people watching. In a matter of 10 minutes I saw a prostitute, a tranny bike messenger and many people half in the wrapper. There is one guy standing in front of me swaying back and forth and I can’t make out whether he is moving to the beat of his ipod or just trying to hold his balance. When I walked by him to board my train, he did not have ear buds in so it was confirmed that he was just struggling to stay in the upright position.

I finally board the train and there is hardly anyone on it. However, lucky me, I get stuck next to two girls coming from their Zumba work out. Their Zumba work out was recorded and posted on youtube just in time for them to hop on the train and watch it. “Oh she is so good to us. She posts these right away! Let’s watch it and critique so we can be better for next time.” One says to the other. They whip out an ipad and bring it up. They hit play and leave the music still going. Their commentary through out the video is quite entertaining. “Dude, you like so killed it!” “Girl, you gotta work on that left kick. You’re so cute but work on the left ya know?!” “Girl, I lovvvvvve him! Don’t we just dance great together? Amazing. Too bad he is leaving to go dance in Vegas and he’s super gay but I’m sooo fallin’ for him!” When I got off the train their Zumba dance off was still playing and they were still critiquing.

I am glad I had to sit near them instead of the drunk people trying to keep it together. At least those girls were entertaining me on my ride home from a great night.

Meet Fat Bastard!

This woman irritates me to no end. I first met her during my first month of commuting. I was wearing an adorable suede jacket and sitting in a seat for two against the window (Proper train etiquette is to slide all the way in when boarding). This woman sees little ol' me and sits right down. She was so big that when she sat next to me she squished me into the window. I can understand that being big and all, you would want to find a tiny thing so that you have optimal room. However, what irritated me the most was that this woman had a trough of popcorn. Theater style popcorn! The kind that is greasy and full of salt. While she is eating out of her trough, she is being careless. She is eating like she had been stranded on a dessert island and hadn't eaten in weeks. Popcorn grease and salt were spraying everywhere. Now that's just rude! Ruining my tan suede jacket.

That evening, she and I get off at the same stop. Great. She is on the same path as me. This means this could happen again! Grrr. The next few evenings coming home I was safe. However, she found me every once in a while. Probably because I was so easy going about being smooshed against a window with popcorn grease flailing around. I didn't want to be mean so I changed my pattern. At night, I would sit in a seat for two that already had someone in it. That way, I had no shot of sitting with her ever again and this has worked wonderfully!

Typically this woman is never on my morning train. Then, one day I was running late for the morning train. I hadn't seen her on the evening train for a while so I wondered if she had been a victim of this bad economy or even worse... died of a heart attack from all that popcorn grease. I see her boarding the train with a box of munckins. I think that she is so thoughtful to bring her office a morning snack. Oh no, I thought wrong. This woman was poppin' these munchkins like they were M&M's. By the time we got to North Station she had downed the entire box. I thought this couldn't possibly be a daily thing. Although, the popcorn was so you never know. I saw her the next morning with her box of munchkins!

You have to wonder... what makes someone eat like that? I mean really? You have got to feel so horrible A.) about yourself and B.) sluggish and yucky from all that junk. I feel bad for this woman. I mean really, if you are going to eat a trough of popcorn, at least don't spray it all over the innocent person you have pinned against the window!

Yuppie Crossing!

You have to love people who are just angry about everything. Every morning the T is packed to the brim with professional people and every afternoon, the same. During rush hour, professionals take up 99.9% of the T space. We see each other every day and even though we don't know each other or haven't spoken a word to each other, we look out for each other.

Among all of the professionals was a construction worker who must have been riding in to the city late since most construction crew members start their days much earlier than the nine-to-fivers. This construction guy also must have not had his morning coffee, got up on the wrong side of the bed and maybe felt a little out of place because he was angry! Very angry! And there is nothing wrong with construction workers because quite honestly, they are amazing artists...yes artists. They freeze their butts off in the winter and sweat their you-know-what's off in the summer and yet they create some pretty amazing things despite their discomfort.

The T was like it is every morning "sardine packed". This poor construction guy is standing up holding a post to keep his balance. However, in between North Station and Haymarket there is a bend in the tracks which no doubt, if you aren't holding on to something, you will lose your balance. A guy next to him let a girl hold the post instead of holding it himself and he was trying to maintain balance with out holding on to anything. At that bend, he lost balance and bumped into this construction worker. We are maybe thirty seconds away from Haymarket and the construction worker tells the guy "Get off me you f*ckin' yuppie!" The "yuppie" says "I'm sorry man. I let her hold the post instead of me. Just lost my balance that's all." and the construction worker replies with "I'm gonna kick your yuppie a*s!" and starts to remove his oh-so-cool baby blue denim jacket that matched his oh-so-cool baby blue "dad" jeans.

The T is still cruising right along. A few girls and I try to duck for cover as we can envision an elbow to the face since we are right in the middle of this action. The men on the T try to wedge themselves between the ladies and this psycho. The yuppie probably just crapped his Banana Republic-yuppie-pants (not gonna lie, you could tell he was in sheer panic). Just as the construction guy is about the throw a punch, we stop at Haymarket and the doors open. The girls and I step off the train (I am fully prepared to walk the rest of the way to the office if this nut job didn't get off). As we are standing on the platform, the construction guy grabs his sweet denim jacket and says "You f*ckin' yuppies are all lucky this is my stop!" and departs the train in a hasty fashion. The yuppie that most likely just crapped his Banana Republic pants screams after him "You have a nice day!" with a huge, sarcastic smile. "You yuppies are all the same. Never phased by anything!" the construction guy screams from the platform. He turns around and stalks off stomping his feet.

Yuppies may seem like they are never phased by anything but I can guarantee that they  worry just like the rest of us. They just hide it better. The girls and I hop back on the train and one of them announces "Would anyone else like to assault anyone before this train starts moving?" The whole car chuckles, the doors close and we are back to our morning routine.

PS Who says "Yuppie" any more? Really!