Don't be Stupid, Clueless or Lack Courtesy

In case you haven't seen them at your train station, here is how I have to pay to park at my train station in the morning. You park in the parking spot. It is labeled with a number and then you have to go to this big box and find your number. At that number is a slot and you have to drop in $4 dollars. It can be cash or coins. Every day I count out $4 ones before leaving my drive way and put them with my coffee. When I get to the station I fold up my four bills into eighths so I can easily throw them in the slot. Since everyone in the parking lot needs to put their money in this way, it's courteous to get your money in the slot and go!

Some people either are stupid, lack courtesy or are completely clueless on how this parking box works. I will take the time to fill those in on how to pay so they don't continually piss people off like someone did to me recently. 

I get to the train station, I have minimal time to get to the landing before the train comes and I have some idiot in front of me paying out of a baggy of coins. He is taking nickles, dimes, quarters...even pennies to pay for his parking! I get it. Money is money! BUT COUNT IT OUT BEFORE YOU GET TO THE PAY STATION! Simple!

I hear the bell chiming which means the train is coming. I am of course irritated that someone can be so stupid. I interrupt him. "Excuse me! I'm going to put this in my slot now!" I say before I forget which parking spot I actually parked in. He looks up confused. Then looks behind me at the line that has now formed because he decided to count out his change at the pay station as he put it in the slot. He steps out of the way and we all plow over him to put our money in. We all go to the landing and he is still counting out his money. He probably did make the train. However, had I not spoken up, I doubt the line of us behind him would have made it.

So, please don't be stupid, clueless or lack courtesy! Count your money out in your car so you can toss it in the slot like everybody else does. Please and thank you!

Oh Great! The Mafia at 11pm!

Last night I went to meet a friend in Jamaica Plain. We grabbed drinks and played some good old trivia. It was so much fun but all good things must come to an end and I was heading on my way back home. I got on the Orange Line at Stony Brook and was heading to Sullivan Square. A few stops into my little journey, a man hops on with a nice pea coat and a stylish hat. He looks at me. It was almost 11pm and I just never know on the T so I look away.

I was sporting a fedora and the man gets closer to me “That is a great hat!” I look up and reply “Thanks! I was admiring yours too.” I wanted to ignore him but when you ignore people they tend to get mad and cause scenes so to pacify him I just talked.

“You have great taste.” He says as he points to my hat, jacket, purse and work bag with his index finger like 1,2,3,4. “Why thank you!” I reply and kinda look away hoping he would get the hint.

“You should get off at Back Bay with me and get a drink at the Plaza.” He says. I look up at the board and Back Bay is the next stop. “No thank you.” I respond. I look at his left hand. He’s married! What a jerk. (I have gloves on so he can’t see my ring).

“Back Bay!” the conductor screams. Few! Saved by the conductor.

He turns to me as he’s got one foot on the platform and one foot still in the train “If you ever change your mind and wanna meet up, go to the North End. The Cornah Store. Ask for me. Everybody knows me! Everybody ovah there knows me!”

Great! He’s probably mafia! Just great! Now I’m glad I didn’t ignore him. Don’t wanna piss those guys off…

Just Another Rainy Tuesday

This morning as I get to the train station, I have my umbrella open and stand on the platform and wait for the train. A woman who is shorter than me, who doesn't have an umbrella, unbeknownst to me, crouches in behind me to share my umbrella. The train comes and I have to take my umbrella down so that I can board. When I do, I think I am the only one under the umbrella and rightly so, who the hell jumps under a strangers umbrella with out being invited? I bring the umbrella down to close it. I whack the woman who is also under my umbrella. "Watch it! Jesus!" the woman yells at me. I look around and realize that there is no one else around me so why is she so close. Then I realize she was kinda crouched up against my back pack and realize that she was infringing upon MY no rain zone space because she is either too cheap to buy her own umbrella or too absent minded to remember hers. I apologize even though I know she was sneakily behind me under my umbrella. "Well be careful next time!" I give her a dirty look because I know if I open my mouth pre-coffee, I just might say something mean like "There won't be a next time because I don't let strangers share my umbrella." or "I only apologized because I was being nice but you were the one in my space." But because I know better, I kept quiet and boarded the train. Why do people feel entitled to strangers things (even if it is a foot and a half of dry space)? And is it just me, or is it always ugly people that are so darn cranky? Maybe when they aren't being cranky to you, they look fine and normal but the second they start to be impolite, I just see them as ugly in my eyes.

'Tis the Season for Holiday Parties and Drunk Train Rides

‘Tis the season for Holiday Parties and last night seemed to be the night of many holiday parties including mine. I left my holiday party at about 9pm to catch the 9:40 train at North Station. I was on an awkward side of town and would have required me to hop on a bus, hop on the red line and then hop on the orange line. I was all set with trying to figure that out after a few margaritas so I planned on cabbing it. I walked about four blocks before I found an empty cab. I hopped in and had him drop me off at North Station.

When I got to North Station, the train was already boarding. Since it was late at night, only a few train cars were open. I walked all the way down to the first train car that was open and sat in the first seat I could find. Once I sat down, I realized I made a mistake but it was too late to switch my seat.

To the right of me was a white trash drunk couple and to the left of me was a guy who flipped on the Suze Orman show on his laptop sans earbuds. Greaaaat!

Once the train started to move the white trash drunk couple started to make out. The woman was bigger than fat bastard! The guy had a walking cane. I over hear “I’m gonna sexy smack you with my sexy cane!” from the guy. The woman drunk gurgles back “You put that sexy cane away.” As she sprawls out on the seat and he starts necking her. I am quickly losing my buzz.

I try to focus on something else. I am in no condition to read. I’d probably fall asleep and miss my stop if I did that so I whip out my blackberry and start scrolling through my facebook feed. However, I have Suze Orman yapping in my ear “You can’t afford it girl friend! DENIED!”

The conductor comes to check the passes and the white trash drunkin’ sexy cane couple that’s sexy smacking doesn’t even look up. The conductor clears his throat “Tickets and passes please!” They look up all confused. The woman drunk gurgles “We have to pay him.” Sexy cane guy reaches for his wallet and pays. The conductor moves on and they start necking and he starts smacking her with his sexy cane again.

I close my eyes to avoid witnessing this. Then quickly realize that I could fall asleep so I open them again and burry my head in my blackberry once again. Forty five minutes later, I am at my train station and of course the white trash sexy cane couple gets off the train too and is in front of me. I speed pass them even though my feet are killing me from standing at the holiday party in stilettos and walking those blocks before getting a cab but I didn’t care. The faster I walked, the faster I got away from them. I finally got in my truck and sped out of there. I wanted to be sure I got home before these people were behind the wheel.

Be safe and Happy Holidays Everyone!

'Tis the Season to be Giving

Last night I am standing at State waiting to get on the T. It arrives as I am talking to a friend. The train is packed and I am not sure I am going to get on. The time is 5:21pm and I need to catch my train at 5:30pm at North Station. I say to my friend "If I don't get on this, I will miss my train or I'll have to walk." I was fully prepared to walk. There was one tiny little spot for one more person on that train. My friend had gotten on and I was still on the platform. Since I am not a cutter, I let someone that was there before me have the space. He then gave it back to me and said he had time to catch the next T and get to North Station to get his train. I believed him and thanked him. I hopped on the T and was on my way. I made the train with a few minutes to spare. As I am sitting in my seat, I see the guy who gave up his T space so that I could make the train. He was huffing and puffing and as he walked by me, the train shut it's doors and we took off. I couldn't believe it. This guy gave up his spot and he was trying to catch the same train as me! Thank goodness he made the train too.

After seeing what he did for me, I was even more grateful than I already was. 'Tis the season to be giving, even if it's a tiny little spot on the T, it made my evening! They say the best things in life are free... well, there is truth to that. 

Boyfriend Leaves Girlfriend Stranded

Heading home last night, the train stops at Haymarket. A few people get on and one couple stands on the platform looking in. There seems to be room for one of them on the sardine packed train but not both of them. Someone says “We can make room for one more.” And we seem to squish in even tighter to each other making room for the couple. However, the guy gets on and the girl waits for him to get situated before she tries to get on. Well, the doors slam and don’t open. She looks like a lost puppy dog and in shock.

“You left me here! All by myself! You just left me!” she screams to him through the door. He screams back “You’ll be fine! Just one stop! ONE STOP!” The train takes off and he turns to everyone “She’ll be fine. It’s only one stop right?” We all collectively giggle which fades into the normal train silence.

I had to crack up though because this poor woman was just left on the platform all by herself while we had every intention of squeezing her on. Although, the train conductor didn’t seem to think it was necessary to get her on board. I hope she made it to North Station OK!

You Fit the Profile

Heading home last night, I caught the 5:10 train home. I made it to the train at 5:08 and hopped on hoping to find a seat. My new theory is that I am going to take the first available seat I see when it comes to packed trains. This is because if I walk by three seaters with a middle seat open in hopes of finding a two seater with an empty seat, I am sadly mistaken. I will end up sitting in a middle seat at the front of the train or at the back of the train. So, I can walk all the way to the end of the train and sit in a crappy seat and then at my stop have the extra walking to my car for getting off the back of the train or I can sit in the front in the same crappy seat and save myself some walking.

That being said, I come up on a three seater with an empty middle seat. I lean down and ask if I could sit down. The guy looks me up and down and says "You fit the profile! Sit on down!" and he slides right in to the middle seat and lets me have the outter seat.Score! But also strange! He must not be a commuter.

Once I sit down he says "I was holding out for someone like you. I didn't want to be stuck with....ya know..." I knew exactly what "ya know" meant. Someone that's stinky or gonna squish him or worse...both!

As you may be aware by my previous posts, I can't stand stinky people or the larger ones that plaster me up against a window. So, I am self concious. I spray myself with body spray before leaving the office every day and I eat "card board crap" (as my dad would call it) to stay fit. I am please to know that I'm officially not "Ya know!" one of those people you dread sitting next to.

Bad Dye-Slash-Perm Job

This morning I was running behind. I didn't have time to do anything fancy to my hair so I threw it in a braid and ran out the door. I didn't even have time to check it in a mirror. I hate when I have no idea if my hair looks dreadful or not.

I was feeling all frumpy when a woman walks up to the train landing and stands near me. Her hair is short, permed and dyed blond. Her ends look so dead...actually I take that back, it's not just her ends, it's the entire length of her hair since her hair is only an inch and a half long. I felt like screaming, 'This isn't the 90's! You can't perm your hair AND dye it AND wash it with VO5! There are conditioning products out there to give you that healthy hair look!'. However, obviously those are thoughts I need to keep in my head. Instead, I stood beside her thanking her for having a worse hair day than I was having.

Although her bad hair days seem permanent so whenever I know I'm going to have a bad hair day, I will just stand next to her while waiting for the train.

Violins at North Station

Have you heard the violinists at North Station? Oh my goodness they are good! There are two violinists that play at North Station and instead of holiday music that they could be playing, they are playing things like Toxic by Britney Spears and Alien by Katy Perry! It’s great!! I actually just missed the T because it was packed and I couldn’t cram on and was kinda bummed out but then realized that I got to stay another 5 minutes and listen to these delightful violinists.

They are not your typical subway musician. I actually wanted to give them money because they were good. There have been other times where I just want to throw money at other subway musicians and say “If I put this in your bucket, will you please please stop playing that hideous thing you call a recorder?” But not these guys! If you have the opportunity to listen to them they are great! Maybe miss your train and throw them a little cash, there should be another train coming in 5 minutes…if you’re lucky!

Negotiating on the Train

Last night heading home from North Station, the train was packed! I walked all the way to the last car before I found a seat. Some guy who had mistaken the train for Southwest Airlines, was sitting on an aisle seat and had the window available. He was talking on the phone so I interrupted him. He looked at me like I had six heads. I thought "Screw you buddy. You're letting me sit. I have a 45 minute ride ahead of me and I'm not standing! Plus I want to read my book." Instead of saying what I thought, I smiled and asked "Can I sit down please?" He got up hastily and allowed me to take the window seat.

Once I got situated, the conductor comes in and screams "If you are in a three seater and the middle seat is empty, MOVE IN!" People slide in but this one woman refuses to slide in. Explaining that she is claustrophobic and doesn't want to slide in. The conductor comes over and says if she is claustrophobic, she can stand and let two people sit. She didn't like that and starts negotiating with the person who is aligned with her seat and should be the one sitting down. "How about you sit in the middle and then at the next stop we switch. We can take turns?" Everyone looks at HER like she has six heads. Really? You're going to make someone switch off every other stop from middle to aisle. What if this person wants to read or set up their laptop? That's just not conducive at all.

The conductor then became a mediator. He turns to the person standing "Would you mind taking the middle instead of the aisle?" The woman is still trying to negotiate "Where are you getting off? I don't want to get up to let you off if you get off before me." Ok, you lost me lady. Didn't you just say you wanted to switch off every other stop? Now you don't want to let this guy out if he happens to get off before you? Now your just crazy.

The conductor turns to the guy in the aisle "Take the middle seat." He turns to the woman "Tickets and passes please!" Obviously this conductor wasn't going to deal with this ladies crap and rightly so!

Missed My Train! But the Bright Side is, I Didn't Die!

This morning I missed my train! Not because I was late, because it was early! I parked, paid for parking, walked up the hill and the train was already coming in to the train station. I had to heed my own advice and not run or cross in front of it. It was so aggravating watching it pull into the station and block me and then I have to watch everyone board on the other side while I was stuck on the side of the train that wasn’t opening its doors. Because the train was early, it didn’t leave right away, it left on time. So, after everyone boarded, they waited! THANKS for waiting! You made it so that I was stuck on the wrong side and now I have to look at the train I need to be on even longer than I have to and fester while I can’t do anything about it. I contemplated crawling under the train on the rubber crossing. There is about a 3 foot gap between the ground and the bottom of the train. I sooo could have done it BUT then I thought “What if I am under there and the train starts to go? Now you’re just being an idiot!” The train finally left the station and I could cross. The next train wasn’t for another 35 minutes.

Why couldn’t they have stopped 50 feet back and let the people cross before pulling in to the train station early and blocking the people who were there on time from getting on the train? Huh? Maybe next time Mr. Train Engineer, you should do that!

Thanksgiving

I love when noncommuters ride the train! The commuters generally keep to themselves, bury their head in books,  kindles and blackberries but the noncommuters, full of energy it seems.

Wednesday when I was heading home on the 3:10 train, I noticed I was surrounded by people with luggage and most of those people were coupled up or had kids in tow. Not a usual train ride for me. I hop on the train and start to grab my book when I hear some girl say to a stranger in the seat across from her "Can you watch my stuff? My boyfriend is lost and I don't want to lose this seat for us." I am intrigued. I look up to see a young girl with luggage asking an older woman to watch her things. I am pretty sure everyone around me was shocked. I was waiting for the cameras to pop out from the show "What Would You Do?" Did this girl really just ask a perfect stranger on a train, in a large city, to watch her things?

The older woman cautiously agrees to watch her things. However, I watched the older woman, she did not watch this girls things for the entire time she was gone. This woman chit chatted with her seat mate, looked out the window (away from the girls belongings). I don't know about you, but if I was responsible for someone else's stuff, I'd watch it like a hawk. There is no way I would want something to turn up missing on my watch!

The girl finds her boyfriend and makes it back safely and her belongings are still there in one piece.

Once this is done, I return to my book. However, a young couple slides in behind me and is talking loudly so I can't focus on my book anymore. The boyfriend is briefing his new girlfriend on his family. I feel like I am in an episode of Jersey Shore. "My Ma wears hot things like sweatpants and stiletto's. She's really cool ya know." The girl giggles. "My Gramma! Oh my god! When you meet my Gramma, she's gonna tell you" he pitches his voice up so high he sounds like he's the big bad wolf trying to imitate Gramma "'He's my favorite Grandson! He's just the best.' Ya, my Gramma LOVES me YO!" the girl giggles again. Mean while, I am rolling my eyes while looking at my book pretending to read. The girl finally says something "I hope she loves me too then." The guy goes "Anyone who I make a career out of lovin', she'll love." The girl gets feisty, "A Career? I'm a career?"

"A relationship yo! A relationship! We have a relationship yo! You know what I mean yo." he says trying to console her but I don't know how that's consoling when you throw three yo's into one statement. She is calm now (I guess when you're Jersey Shore wannabe's, "Yo" is a soothing word.) "Good because I'm gonna marry you some day." I roll my eye again and bury my head in  my book desperately trying to tune them out. After 45 minutes of them doing some Jersey Shore canoodling made me THANKFUL to get off at my stop as they kept canoodling all the way to the last train stop!

Haste Makes Waste

To further my point as to why you don't run or don't try to beat the train, I myself expeienced this one. I'm running my ticket through the card reader at State when I hear that the train towards Oak Grove is arriving. I decide not to put my card back in my wallet and run for the train.I make it and am very proud of myself right now. I spot a seat which never happens. I take a seat and try to one handedly put my card back in my card case. My soda is in the other hand so this is tricky. The train takes off and my cards go flying! I panic and throw my soda between my legs as there are no cups holders on the T. I'm pretty sure everyone sitting across from me saw my under garments. I furiously collect my cards hoping I have them all. I am also hoping no one tries to "help" me. I make sure that I have my train pass, my I.D. and my capital one gold card because I know life will stop if I don't have those. I sit back on the seat and verify that I have each and every card bfore I get off the T. I did all this in hopes of catching the 510 train home. Wouldn't ya know, I miss the 510 by one minute.              

Almost Get Hit By the Train! Oh, and Happy Veterans Day!

OH! MY! GOD!! Don’t try to beat the train in order to make it. You will lose… or come close to losing.

Let’s explain my new train stop in case you aren’t familiar with it. North Billerica. You can park on the outbound side but once you get up to the train tracks, there isn’t a nice little bridge that goes over the tracks to get you to the inbound side. On NO! You must cross the tracks. It is set up with a nice rubberized path. However, the tracks stick out just a little so you must be careful when crossing. There is also a nice little warning bell at the crossing so that if you don’t see the train coming, you can hear that it’s on its way. (Pictured below you can see the rubberized path for crossing)

Now, this morning a man coming up from the outbound side realized he was going to miss the train if he didn’t get across. The alarm goes off way before he gets to this rubberized path. I look to my left to see the inbound train coming to pick us up. When I look back at this man he is full out sprinting. He has his dress shoes on that are obviously not made for sprinting. He gets to the path and the train is about 100 feet away now. As he is on the path he loses his balance and FALLS! Yes, he falls!

The crowd gasps, some running to his rescue. Others screaming “Get up! Get up!” I hear a few “Oh my gods!” sprinkled in there too. The train is now only 50 feet away and I am thinking this guy is a goner. The train’s horn is blaring.  I nearly drop my coffee and close my eyes praying that I am not going to witness what I think I am going to witness.

At the very last moment, this guy rolls out of the way and off the track. “Are you ok?” I hear people screaming. “Are you hurt?” another one screams. Someone replies “Only his ego is hurt today!” It’s safe to open my eyes and I look over and the guy is brushing himself off and is shaking like a leaf.

Please learn from this guy’s mistake. Don’t run in front of a train in order to catch it. I don’t care if you’re going to be late for work. I am pretty sure you’d rather still have your life and have to deal with an angry boss/client/whatever than to be dead! You’re better safe than sorry. There is always another train that will come along.

Voting Day

I woke up this morning with great anticipation! I was finally going to vote for who I want for the next four years. I got dressed for work, brewed my coffee and was out the door to go wait in line. This morning was quite the turn out at the polls making me hopeful that the outcome of this election is a great one. 

Many went before work today to cast their ballots and make sure they got theirs in! As I showed up for the train at 9:23, I figured I'd be one of the few stragglers to go in to the city but I was wrong. I was there with a slew of people with "I Voted" stickers on their jackets heading to Boston.

All day I have been anxiously awaiting the results and for dinner, I will be having Champagne. I know I will not know the outcome but I figure it's an early celebration or an early drowning of the sorrows. Cheers!

Lucy Desi Comedy Hour on the Train

So, last night on my ride home on the Commuter Rail, I felt like I was in the middle of the Lucy Desi Comedy Hour! As I am sitting in my seat, others are boarding including a couple that was clearly mad at each other. The girl keeps heading down the aisle while the guy spots a seat they both can sit in. He starts screaming in another language. I have no idea what he is saying. However, I know he wants her to sit with him as he is pointing to the seat. She screams back and I hear “Blah Blah Blah Pendejo” (I pick right up on Pendejo and now I know they are speaking Spanish.) Then he screams back at her and furiously points at the seat. Meanwhile, everyone is piling up behind the guy as he is blocking the aisle.

The guy then points to the stack of people behind him and screams “Blah Blah Blah Punta Blah Blah Blah” (Why do I only know swear words in Spanish?) Well, not liking the fact that he just called her a “Punta” in front of an entire train car of people, she storms off down the aisle and into the next train car. The guy sits down in the seat he already picked and the couple sat separated the remainder of the ride. I was glad she stormed off. I didn’t want to hear them fight for 45 minutes or they’d have some “‘Splaining to dooooooo”

Nobody Likes a Tattle Tale

Friday afternoon a friend and I are heading through the entry gates at State for the Orange line when all of a sudden we hear behind us “She didn’t pay her fare! She didn’t pay her fare! OFFICER!!!!! SHE DIDN’T PAY HER FARE!!” We turn around to find a red faced man screaming while pointing out this twenty-something year old girl. The girl looks confused and finally he has the attention of the MBTA police officer. The girl turns around and walks down the stairs and shrugs off the situation as does the MBTA officer. Everyone else breaks out in laughter and the red faced man finally shuts up. It was rush hour and an MBTA officer was literally two feet away. You’d have to be cocky or an idiot to try and sneak on by. Plus, half the time even when the card reads your card and it tells you you’re fine to go, it buzzes anyways just for fun. My friend and I walk to the platform as people are yelling down the stairs “Nobody likes a tattle tale!!” He’s right, no one likes a tattle tale but then again, no one likes a fare evader either. BUT, no offense, catching one fare evader isn’t going to solve the MBTA deficit over night.  

Thanks for the News Flash

My Monday morning started out nicely. I  was running early for the train and proud of myself that I didn't have to high tail it to the train station plowing over speed bumps at top speeds. I get to the train and of course because I want to get to work on time, the train is late. It finally comes and I hop on. I relax on the way to the city and transfer to the Orange line. Of course it's a packed train so I squish in. The next stop at Haymarket a girl piles in behind me. I was legit, the last person that should have been packed on to that train but the girl pushes her way on. The doors close and she fits. I feel a shove behind me and the girl screams out "There is no reason to shove me." and a guy says "Yes there is. You're squishing me and i don't like it." the girl responds "Get over it. Most of these people are getting off in one stop anyways." the guy is getting pissed as we are all whipping around the train car because we don't have handles "Thanks for the news flash but I don't like being squished." the girl retorts back "Anytime my friend. Anytime... This is rush hour what to you expect?" Just as she finishes her statement, the doors open at State and I go flying off. I swear, if those two were of the same sex, it would have been a full out brawl on that T. They were both getting heated...and what the hell kind of man pushes a girl on the T anyways?

Prescriptions- Revised

Let's talk about prescriptions since it seems to be today's theme.

Ok, if you are wearing glasses AND have your kindle set to the biggest font AND are holding your kindle one inch from your face, it is time for new glasses!

Another thing, when you go to CVS and pick up your prescription, don't take it out on the T and wave it around. You never know who will mug you in hopes that you have a bottle of Vicodin. Also, and this is what I spotted, don't wave your packet of birth control around while on the train (or in public for that matter). No one wants to see that. Waving that around is just as bad as waving a condom around. What happened to class and decorum ladies? Let's clarify, I am all for women's rights! However, there is a time and a place. I think decorum is dying in our society and that's sad.

Move it or I'll Lose it!

Ya know what I can’t stand? People who walk slow! I’m not talkin’ about someone with a broken foot or a good reason to walk slow but the fully able bodied person that can’t seem to get out of anyone’s way because they are too stupid to realize other people have places to go. This morning, coming off the train, I was stuck behind a couple walking annoyingly slow. They looked able bodied. I tried to pass them. However, when I swerved to the left to go around them, they swerved slowly to the left too. I then swerved to the right to try and get around them. They swerve back over to the right. They were just wondering, taking in the sights, which is fine but not during the morning rush people!! We finally get on the escalator to head down to the Orange and/or Green line (My destination was Orange, God only knows where they were going). They stand on the escalator two by two completely blocking the left side which is generally reserved for… you guessed it, passing! Everyone knows this! Come on people, a little escalator etiquette please?

One guy behind me screams to the guy to move it and he finally get’s the hint but he doesn’t move over enough for someone to pass. He leaves his huge bag in the way. We get to the bottom and at the bottom, when we’re supposed to be walking; they decide to look through their bags for their train pass. Ya couldn’t find this while you were stopped dead killing time on the escalator?

The finally they get the hint and pull off to the side and I booked it toward the Orange line and made my merry little way to the office. Fun Fun on the T today!

Political Debate on the Train...

This morning on the way in, the train was packed. There were two guys standing in the aisle next to my seat. One guy complained that he had too much crap in his garage and that he needed to get rid of it…including a pin ball machine. The other guy explains how he could have a garage sale or sell things on Craigslist. He says it’s a great way to teach his kids about mercantilism and economy. He starts going on about how he wished he taught his kids about that sort of thing before it was too late. One of his kids just purchased a home and his kid commented that he didn’t realize how much crap he bought on impulse until he had to move it. After this big long explanation of how it will be a great lesson for the kids and while he’s at it, get a little bit of cash too, the other guy replies “I’d just rather take it all to Goodwill and get a tax credit. That’s a good lesson for the kids too.” The other guy retorts “Ah, yes! A tax credit! The Romney way! Loopholes and tax credits. I see how it is.”  AND…Before it could turn in to a heated debate in front of my seat, the train stopped at North Station and we begin to disembark the train! FEW!! I did not want a front row seat to that one. You could tell as they were walking off the train that it was going to get ugly.

Happy Columbus Day

This morning, after an epic weekend, I hit snooze perhaps one too many times. I get up, take the dog for a walk and get ready. I rushed around but not enough. I hop in my car and realized that I a.) Left my coffee on the counter and b.) I had exactly 6 minutes to drive to the train station and run to the train. That my friends, is nearly impossible on a normal day, let alone a holiday when the train most likely runs a little early.

I head back upstairs to get my coffee and take my time getting to the train station in order to catch the next train, which luckily it is an express to Boston so we avoid about 5 or so stops.

As I am on the platform by myself, an older gentleman joins me finally. He says “Are we the only ones that had to work today?” My answer was “Are you in Finance?” his answer “Why yes, how did you know?” and I respond that the stock market is open today and that’s why we don’t get it off. However, I assured him that once we got to the financial district, we wouldn’t feel so alone.

As we boarded the train, there is hardly anyone on it. I was really looking forward to reading my book when he asked if he could sit with me. I agreed and we chit chatted the whole way to North Station. When we got to North Station, he gets up and says “Thank you. This has been one of the more enjoyable train rides into work in a while.” That meant so much. It made me stop and think. Why are we all typically so closed off to others? I could have been one of them this morning with my nose in my black berry catching up on Facebook posts followed by my nose in my book. It doesn’t take much to connect with others and it shows that we are all human. In the days of Facebook and online connecting, it’s starting to become rarer to interact with actual humans with out the interference of some device. From now on, I will be paying more attention to what’s in front of me and being in the moment instead of scrolling through Facebook to find out what my friends are up to. I will be reading the posts but personal interaction will come first.

I Don't Get It

This morning, once again the train conductor comes in and announces that anyone in a three seater that has a middle seat open needs to slide in. It was a different conductor and he was actually nice about it.

Once we got to the next stop, I slid in to the middle seat. I was the only one that willingly slid in. The others on aisle seats stayed put until someone asked. Well, the entire stop walked right by my open aisle seat. One guy stood next to it for a good minute debating to sit or not. He didn't and moved on to the back. Another two guys after him blew right by me too.

That was it...no one else left to walk by. The entire stop blew right by my open seat. Pretty much everyone asked to sit down in another seat or remained standing. I slid back out to the aisle seat and stayed there the rest of the ride. If someone wanted to sit bad enough, they'd ask and guess what...no one did so I had a nice buffer between myself and the over sized hippy next to me.

Speaking of over sized hippy. Usually, if I see a couple sitting together and an aisle seat is open, I usually walk by it because I'll let them be together with out some stranger hovering next to them in their seat. Good god. I hope no one thought I was WITH the hippy guy. He seemed nice and all but dreads and patchouli just aren't my thing. My husband is bald and wears Jean Paul Gaultier.

MBTA Shopping

Oh my god people! You have one excited girl right here! I will be moving soon and so I am investigating my new route that I will have to take to work. While investigating, I stumble upon a tab called "Fairs & Gifts". "Gifts? Like gift cards for passes?" I think to myself. I click on the tab. What girl doesn't want to know about gifts?

What I discovered was an entire treasure trove of fun T trinkets. Coasters, cutting boards, signs, water bottles, cups, mugs, jewelry (Although I wouldn't ever wear T jewelry with T Tokens on them), posters, T-shirts... did I mention COASTERS?? I LOVE LOVE LOVE Coasters (especially these bad boys) and the cutting boards, how cute!!

Check out the gift store here. I have stumbled upon this just in time for Christmas!!

Yelled at by the Conductor

This morning on the way in I find a three seater with only one person in it. Naturally, I sit on the end seat on the aisle so I'm not sitting on top of a stranger for no reason. A few stops towards North Station and the conductor comes into the car and stops right next to me and screams "If you are in a three seater, put your bag in the over head compartment and slide in to the middle seat!" No one moves. The train is still moving. Unless we are at a stop and people aren't actively trying to sit down, why are we going to slide in and be on top of a stranger? The conductor glares at me and repeats himself. "If you are in a three seater, put your bag in the over head compartment and slide in to the middle seat!"

I slide in but I wasn't about to put my Tumi in an over head rack. Hell no!! That stayed on my knees. If it's on my lap and not in anyones way, they can't say "Boo". After I slide in to the middle seat, a few people stand up and throw their bags up on the over head rack and sit down in the middle seat. The conductor on a power trip finally leaves us alone. He wasn't even the conductor for our car. He was from the car ahead of us. 

We ride uncomfortably close to the person next to us for no reason for a few minutes before stopping. When the people from the stop pile on, many sit but many stand. The second someone sat down next to me, I didn't feel like such a weirdo up in the middle and since many stood, a lot of people were able to move back out to their aisle seat. That conductor needs to chill!

Did You Just Pee Your Pants?

This morning as I am getting off the commuter rail at North Station, I notice a petite girl grabbing her own a*s. She is really getting into it and I can’t seem to look away. I am wondering why on earth would you be grabbing your own a*s like that. She finally removes her hand from her rear to get her ticket for the T out of her purse. It literally looks like she peed her pants. I am assuming she didn’t and hoping she just sat in something wet. Poor girl. That’s a crappy way to start a Monday.

I hope everyone else's Monday started out much better!

Little Engine Who Could

It seems that everyone has their breaking point when it comes to being packed in like a sardine on the T. This morning the Orange Line was having some signal issues. As it pulled in to North Station, the T was packed. I boarded and we all sat there packed in like sardines waiting…willing for the T to just go! The doors remained open and we just sat in the station, and sat, and sat! The driver suggested we take the Green line instead and then we heard it over the loud speaker at the station. No one moves. After a while I hear “I can’t take this anymore!” and someone charges off the T from the depths of the aisles. We let this person off and pile back into the train. Then after we’re all situated again, another person decides they too are feeling a bit claustrophobic and come charging off. We let him off and pile back in. Well this is fun and unnecessary. Once we are back in, the doors close and we are on our way. Like the little engine who could, we go slowly down the tracks. Finally we make it to State Street and I am off the T. Phew! I can breathe again and I’m off to work.

SuperStar vs. Cat Piss Lady

Is it rude to spray the sh*t out of someone with Fabreeze because they smell like cat piss? This morning on the commuter rail in, I sat next to a woman who’s cat either peed on her on her way out the door or she is just the crazy cat lady that has so many cats that the smell wafts all throughout her house and sets in on her clothes. Either way it was disgusting and I was stuck next to her because it was a packed train so it was either sit next to the cat piss lady or stand the whole way. I resorted to pretty smelling lotion slathered on my hands and holding it up to my face like the Super Star character from Saturday Night Live!

Ironic! Don't you think?

Happy Monday! I would have had a free ride today had I not purchased a monthly pass since no one bothered to come around and check passes today on the commuter rail. In the words of Alanis Morissette “It’s a free ride, when you’ve already paid… Isn’t it ironic… Don’t you think?”

18 Wheeler!

Happy Friday!! My Friday started off nicely. I was running on time for the commuter rail when all of a sudden, I am cut off by an 18 wheeler that decided he wants to go 20 miles per hour. I can't pass him, I am just stuck behind him. Since I don't leave too much room for error on my morning commute of about 3 miles to the train, this totally screwed me over! Finally about a mile before the train station, the lanes open up to two lanes and I was able to whiz by him and cut in front of him. I rushed that last mile and pulled into the first parking spot I could comfortably fit in. I then grabbed my things and booked it out of my car to the platform. As I get on the train I wonder to myself "Did I leave my car in first gear? Did I at least put the e-brake on?" Great, I'm on the train and now I don't know if my vehicle is rolling around the parking lot like a lost grocery cart! Happy Friday. Let's all cross our fingers my vehicle is on flat land!!

Nicely Played

This morning, unlike yesterday, being skinny among not-so-skinny people worked to my advantage. I ran down the stairs at North Station to catch the T going toward Forest Hills. If I didn't catch it, I was waiting five or more minutes for the next one. As I ran down the steps, I notice the train is packed! I also spot a small little spot on the edge that I am sure I could squeeze in to. I then notice about three people hovering around that spot and then back up as if to say they give up.

I run over to them and say "Do you mind?" as I motion to the spot (If they could have fit there, there is no way in hell I would have taken that spot! You take the last spot on the T like that and you are gonna make some enemies). They motion for me to go ahead. I jump on the T in that tiny little spot that they weren't going to fit in and bang into a guy who is already boarded and holding on to the hand rails. "I'm so sorry!" I tell him. "No problem. That was nicely played! Well done!" Triumphantly I tell him "Thank you." as the doors close immediately behind me.

It's a better start to my day today and hopefully the day continues on nicely.

Venting

Ok, I am sick and tired of being squished on the train! I may be a size zero weighing in at 109 pounds but it doesn’t give you the right to squish me because you’re ass is too damn big! Maybe…Just MAYBE, when you’re 350 plus pounds you could find a seat and sit all by yourself in it OR you could find a three seater that has one person in it and take up the other two seats BUT don’t find ME in a two seater and take up the whole damn seat so that I am pressed against the damn window the entire freakin’ ride! I wouldn’t walk down the aisle and see you sitting in a two seater and see the sliver of room on the seat and say “That’s a perfect spot for me. I’ll sit there!” No, it wouldn’t happen, EVER! I’d keep walking soooo obviously if I would pass up on a sliver of a seat on the outside on the aisle, I wouldn’t want a sliver of a seat on the inside next to the window. At least with the aisle I’d be able to freakin’ breath.

So, are we clear? Don’t squish the skinny person because you’re not…um skinny! Please and thank you!

Style

Today on my ride home, someone asked how my weekend was. I said it went well and that I had gone to Wrentham to do some shopping. He responds "Is that where you do most of your shopping because I noticed that you dress a lot better than most?" OH MY GOD! He made my night, maybe even made my week...I dress better than most? WOW! I am on cloud nine! My ultimate goal is to always look nice and presentable in public. None of this "Wear-your-pajamas-to-Walmart-Bullsh*t" I always try to look presentable and have class and someone noticed and told me. I guess it's the small touches and signature pieces that go a long way and I'm so excited it was recognized.

Fall Fashion Thoughts

My ADD fall fashion thoughts as I walked through the train station this morning. Yes, I could go to hell...

“Oh! No, No, No! Where did you get your skirt this morning? Out of the laundry pile? It’s a crumpled mess!”

“YOU CAN’T WEAR WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY LADY!”

“Oooh That’s cute! Black blazer and a red dress…remember that outfit. I could so do that!”

“Do you EVEN own a full length mirror?”

“Buddy, when you shrink your pants, they go to good will so someone who is shorter than you can fit in them. We aren’t in a flood zone.”

“Scrunchy slouch socks? They still make those? I thought those went away with the 90’s!”

“Braids! Super cute! Could I get away with wearing braids to the office? Hmm?”

“T-Shirt? Aren’t you freezing in this 47 degree weather lady? Oh wait, you’re like older, maybe you are experiencing a hot flash…my bad.”

“Shape-Ups! Get those off you’re feet!!”

“Cute Sweater! Yes, sweaters… it’s that season. I forgot about them. Yay. I get to start wearing my sweaters.”

“Would it kill you to just put a brush through your hair?”

“Super cute boots! Thanks for reminding me, I have a ton stashed under my bed that I can start to rock! YAY! Tomorrow for sure!”

“Nylons? Tights? CRAP! I’m so not ready for this!”

Lip Glaze

Here's a fun tid bit I learned this morning- Don't wear ooey gooey fabulous lip glaze while waiting for your train in the subway! When trains go by at top speed in both directions it creates a wind tunnel and therefore random things stick to your lips that you have no idea what they are or where they come from! That is all.

Drama Queen

This morning, this girl just rubbed me the wrong way. I get on the train and there is no where to sit. I spot a younger girl who is using the second seat in her row to house her bags. I look down and say “Do you mind if I sit down?” She just looks up at me and looks at her bags. I look at her bags too. There is the floor or the over head rack in which you can store those. I refuse to stand so your bags have a seat. I repeat myself “Do you mind if I sit down?”

She looks up at me again. Hastily moves her bags onto her lap and mumbles “These bags are nice bags. Hmph.” I ignore her and sit down. This is not the first time I have encountered one of you girls and believe me, if I wasn’t a train commuter, I’d probably be just like these girls but I have gotten over myself and my nice bags!

 She slouches down in her seat with her knees against the back of the seat in front of us and her arms are folded across her chest. Every time we turn a slight corner or hit a slight bump or slow down, her bags lose their balance on her lap and each time she hastily rearranges them. Yes, you have two lovely LongChamp bags but I can guarantee you that my Tumi bag probably cost more than those two bags combined and it is on my knee… it doesn’t need it’s own seat. Had she been sitting properly, the bags would have sat just fine on her lap.

After she is done being a drama queen, I whip out my phone and start replying to emails and checking facebook. She has the balls to look over my shoulder and read my phone. Um, let’s add a new train etiquette rule and I thought this goes without saying: “Don’t read other people’s phone’s! That is private and not your business! End of Story!”

Clearly, this girl is not a regular commuter! If she just started commuting, she will either get used to it and adjust or not make it the first month. We shall see.

That Awkward Moment

That awkward moment when you pull up in your parking spot at the train station in between two vehicles you presume are unoccupied because the train will be coming in a matter of minutes. You grab your stuff from the passenger seat and turn back to the driver side door to get out and realize that the mini van next to you has a half naked woman inside putting on her bra and frantically trying to get her shirt over her head!

Trying to pretend I didn’t just see that, I sneak out of my car and head to the platform. Surprisingly she makes the train and sits near me. She whips out a bottle of nail polish remover and some cotton balls and starts doing her nails. The smell is awful. The smell is even worse when the power to that particular train car isn’t working properly and therefore is not ventilated. Clearly, this woman doesn’t have a second for herself on the home front!

How to Remove Skunk Smell From Your Dog

This morning on my ride in, I had the pleasure of sitting in front of a man who was talking about how his dog got sprayed by a skunk. He was saying how he kept dumping V8 on the poor dog and the smell wasn't coming out. Well, first of all buddy, the old remedy is tomato paste... NOT V8 Tomato Juice! Big difference. However, I will say this, my dog has been sprayed plenty of times by skunks and this concoction has never failed me! It even got the smell out of her brand new  Coach Collar (Thank GOD!)

Combine these ingredients in a large bowl:

1/4 cup of Baking Soda
2 tsp of Dawn Dish Soap
2 Pints of Hydrogen Peroxide

Mix to form a liquidy paste.

(If you have a large dog, double this or you can do like me and just dump these ingredients into a bowl guesstimating until you have the right consistency in a frantic state because you're dog is stinking up your house and you just want the smell to go away! Either way works just fine.)

Slather on dog (avoid eyes and nose). If fizzing happens, it means it's doing it's magic so let it sit for 5 minutes. Rinse off dog and repeat the process. You may be thinking that the peroxide will discolor. However, my dog is black and white and it has never discolored her black spots.

So, don't do tomato paste and for Christ's sake, don't do V8! What the hell good is that gonna do? Seriously!

Sooooo you're welcome! You can now go back to having a clean and fresh smelling dog now!

Trying to be Nice. Karma is a B*tch.

Friday on my way home, I went down to State to hop on the Orange line to North Station. I noticed these two older women with luggage that looked lost. They found a map of the T and were chatting back and forth about which way they should go and how they weren’t sure. I know how if feels to be lost in an unfamiliar subway so as I walked by I said “Where do you ladies need to go?” they stared at me blankly. I knew it wasn’t a language barrier because I just over heard them speak English! “I can try to point you in the right direction if you’d like.” I say thinking that if I rephrase it, maybe they will comprehend that I’m just trying to be nice so they don’t have to be lost. The two of them just stare at me. However, this time with evil eyes. What? Am I supposed to be afraid? You have evil eyes… I have pepper spray. Just sayin’.  

 I start to walk away and one goes to the other “Looking at the map, we should be able to get to North Station by going this way.” Since I was going to North Station myself, I figured they’d be right behind me. I turned around to see where they were heading. NOPE! They trotted off toward the wrong platform and ya know what? If I try to help you twice and I full well know you’re heading in the wrong direction after I tried to help… good luck to you and may you realize you’re heading in the wrong direction at the least opportune time, may you get off in the ghetto and may you miss your connecting train at North Station. Karma is a b*ch ladies isn’t it?

Find Your Babysitter at a Train Station?

I am not a mother. However, the other day while at the T Station, I waited patiently for my train to arrive and I over hear a conversation.

“Excuse me? Is this the T to North Station?” asks a sweet college aged girl to anyone that would listen.

A mother with her 6 or so year old daughter responds “Yes, this will bring you to North Station.”

“Oh, thank you! I am running late for work and don’t want to get on going the wrong way.”

There is a silence for a bit and then the mother says “This may sound odd but do you babysit? I need a sitter for tomorrow.”

The young girl pauses for a second “I do baby sit. I have to work tomorrow but it’s a catering job and I usually work 15 hours and only get 100 bucks so I can see about canceling so I can baby sit. I’d rather baby sit.”

The mother is excited “Great! When can you let me know for sure?”

“Tonight!”

The train comes and we all board.

“What’s your number? I’ll call you as soon as I know?” says the young babysitter.

The woman gives the baby sitter her digits and then says “Please let me know tonight. The sooner the better because otherwise I’ll have to make other arrangements.”

The kid is just looking back and forth between mother and new babysitter.

“I am glad we met. I’m a good judge of character and I think you’ll be great.” Says the mother to her new baby sitter as the train arrives at North Station and we get off the train.

So, I know there are good people in this world but I really don’t know that I would find a babysitter in the train station and then “interview” her on the T while riding two stops together and then hiring her for the very next day. I just don’t know… but then again, I’m not a mother.

Picture courtesy of DaftDaddy

Today, I'm Sharing

Today I am sharing with you a blog that I stumbled upon and thought was just great. It's a guide to Boston subways. The sarcasm is perfectly executed and if you ride the T ... ever... you will get a kick out of this Blog Post from Suldog. (Click Below)

a Guide to Boston Subway

Gephyrophobia- Fear of Bridges!

According to wikipedia, Gephyrophobia is an anxiety disorder brought about by the fear of bridges.

I have that! I am not horrified completely of bridges but if I am driving, I will drive extra fast over a bridge because I hate the thought of plummeting in my car into a ravine or water! So, my theory is that if I drive fast, there is less time on the bridge for error! (I know driving fast is not the answer though)

Yesterday, as we are leaving North Station on the commuter rail, we have to go over the bridge that is over the Charles. I go over this twice a day and try not to think about how the train could fall into the Charles. I burry my head in my book or update myself with my friends Facebook feeds and before I know it, I’m over the bridge and didn’t even know we crossed it. Yesterday was another story. I had my head buried in a book…for a while. I hear over the loud speaker that we are having problems with our “Ay-ah” (For you non-Bostonians, that’s Air). I look up from my book and look around. We are stopped dead on the bridge. I also make the realization that the air conditioning is on and blowing cool air so why on earth did we stop the train for 15 minutes… on a bridge due to “Ay-ah” problems.

Well, when they say “Ay-ah” it’s the “Ay-ah Brakes”. As in, we don’t have brakes to stop the train! Awesome! As we wait, other trains are coming by in the other lane and shaking the entire bridge. It’s not making me feel “sturdy” or “safe”.  We sit a little longer and then have to go back to North Station and change trains. We disembark the train and were directed to track number five. However, we get to track number five and there is no train buuut there is a train at track number six! Everyone starts getting on the train on track six. I have learned my lesson and don’t get on trains unless I know 100% where they are going so I stop to ask the conductor. This conductor is busy calming down a woman who was either robbed or lost something very important to her. So, I wait…and wait… and wait! There is a hand full of people waiting with me to verify the train’s destination. The rest of the group is just following like cattle on to the train. Finally, they get the lost item issue squared away and the train is verified. When I get on the train, the people that saw me standing by the conductor are coming up to me asking “Train to Lowell right?”

We finally all get seating and the woman comes over the loud speaker and tells us that our once express train is no longer an express train and will have to make stops at all the stops because we are now behind the train that makes all the stops. She also announces we have a problem with the “Ay-ah” and this time it was the A/C! It decided to blow hot air instead of cool air. It’s 82 degrees out, everyone is packed in and sweaty after a long day. No one is smelling pretty and now hot “Ay-ah” is being blown on us. Great!

We finally hit all the stops. No one get’s on or off at any of the stops until Anderson-Woburn! Finally, 82 degree’s feels cool to me and I’m off the train and ready to head home. What a long day! Who knew both of my trains coming home would have “Ay-ah” problems?

Cop a Feel Guy

Last night heading home, I had to make the 5:10pm train. There were no if, and's or buts about it. I had to make it! When the T pulled into State, it was packed but I had to get on because it was 5pm and if I waited for the next one, well, I didn't make the 5:10pm train out of North Station and I would have been screwed!

People pile out of the train at State which gives me hope that I will get on this T. Once everyone is out, I start boarding with the rest of the people with places to go and people to see. I pack my way on to that T and this one guy says to me "I'm not coppin' a feel." I flip around and look at him. He throws his hands up in the air and continues "See! My hands are up here! I just have to catch a bus and if I don't get on now, I'll miss it." I laughed. Usually on a sardine packed train, anything goes. You don't care who is touching you. You are just happy you made it on the T.

"No worries. I have to catch a train at 5:10. I know the feeling." Another guy chimes in. "I have to be at class in 10 minutes and I have a 10 minute walk ahead of me once I get off the train." As we are talking, people are still piling in and squishing us.

It's amazing what you put up with when you have to be some where. Each one of us had to be some where and were willing to pack on in and be cozy to complete strangers for 5 minutes in order to get there.

Cop-a-Feel guy made his bus, I made my train and I am assuming the School Boy got to class on time.

Dash to the Train with a Cat Carrier!

This morning as I am getting off at State, I see a woman frantically making a dash for the train. This woman is carrying a cat carrier with a sweet little kitty inside.

Ok, I'm not gonna lie, I am not a fan of cats. The whole litter box thing is just nasty to me and I'm allergic. Anyway, as I am a serial mad dasher in the mornings to catch my train, I know how jostled things get when you're running. My coffee splashes everywhere and if I'm lucky, I am wearing dark clothing so the coffee splashes don't show all day (Tide to go and Shout wipes often do the trick too).

So, needless to say, POOR FREAKIN' KITTY! Even though I am not a fan of cats, my heart went out to this poor cat who was jostled around in it's pet carrier while it's owner ran to catch the Orange line. That cat will NEVER want to get in a carrier again!

Rain Rain Go Away!

Wow! This morning was crazy in the rain. I left my house with no rain and by the time I got to the train, it was torrential down pours with some thunder and lightning. Absolutely soaked from the knees down. We all hovered underneath the over hang until the train arrived. When the train arrived, we all took turns running into the train car. Even though we had umbrella's this wasn't the kind of rain you could close your umbrella before entering so getting on the train was a little awkward as we had to board and close umbrella's on the train.

The ride in wasn't bad or soggy. However, going from Commuter Rail to the T and the T to the office, my goodness was it bad. The T was so soaked by all the umbrella's dripping on the floor that people were sliding all over the place when we went around corners or stopped. Luckily, I got a seat which never happens. So, I got to kick back and watch everyone else try to maintain their balance. One woman was instructing people to get into Ballet's second position to keep from slipping. Another recommending riding the T like it was a surf board. Crafty ways to stay upright on the T for sure.

So, stay dry my friends. I am hoping the rain stops by 5pm this afternoon! Crossing my fingers!!

And for the record, I'm not being a cry baby about this morning, granted, I didn't go to this station but the rain and puddles were insane. Check out this link:

Train Station under water!

thecolor.com

Cranky A*s People!

Great start to my Tuesday. (Another bit of sarcasm!)

Commuter Rail- This woman gets on and is on her mobile in a brash unfriendly voice “Johnny! Did you feed the bunny this morning? I don’t even know if it has water.” “Johnny! No, this can not wait! The bunny needs water.” “Thanks.” She starts in on poor Johnny again. “Johnny! Did you walk the dogs after I left? This is important! You need to walk them at least around the block! This is part of dog ownership! Strap on your sneakers and throw the leashes on them and get out there.” Long pause. “Johnny, you have to go now! Otherwise it will get too hot out.” Pause. “If you don’t go now, I will stalk you all morning until you do.” Pause. “No you can not go back to bed and do it later. Do it now. I will keep calling until you go and you won’t be able to go back to sleep!”

Wow!! Could you imagine if she was your mom… or wife? I couldn’t tell if Johnny was a teenager, a kid or a husband.

Getting on the T- It is crowded this morning. I mean there is room for maybe three people to get on the T in the car I’m lined up for. I was the second person in line and this large woman with her cheap looking luggage cuts in front of me. It rubbed me the wrong way but whatever, I got on the T anyways. I squished in right next to her. I was holding my coffee in one hand and my purse and back pack in the other. She looks at my coffee and goes “Don’t you DARE get that on me!” In the nicest kill ‘em with kindness voice and my best b*tch please smile slapped on my face that I had, I replied “One of the first times I was on the T, someone spilled hot coffee on me. I am very careful because I know how irritating it is, hot coffee on your shirt, on your skin, having to buy another shirt. I will not get coffee on you.” She replies with a scowl on her face “I’m glad we cleared that up then.”

I would love to know why people are just so darn hostile these days but, I guess if they weren’t hostile, I’d have nothing to write about…

Double Decker-Slash-Quiet Car-Slash-Sauna

Today I  had the pleasure of riding in on the top of the double decker commuter train car. I love the double decker because I can see much more than I usually see. However, on the double decker today it wasn't as pleasant as it usually it. The electricity must have gone out and I had the pleasure of riding on the double decker-slash-quiet car-slash-sauna. It was great! (Sarcasm)

Then we arrived at North Station and I hopped on the T. When we pulled into Haymarket, a few got off and the door shut quickly. A woman running up the steps to the platform is screaming for someone to hold the door. Not one person feels bad for her enough to hold the door. There was plenty of room (and by that I mean, she could have squeezed on the already sardine packed train). The doors close and she starts slamming on them like a baboon! Thank god the doors didn't reopen as they sometimes do because I am pretty sure we would have been in for it, had they opened and allowed her on.

Happy Monday! I hope my commute home is smoother than this... but I doubt it....

Extra Punches on The Punch Card

Last month I wasn't going to be using the Commuter Rail for 2 weeks so instead of purchasing a monthly pass, I opted for the 12 whole punch card. I bought two of them at the end of June to get me through July. I knew I had exactly enough rides to get me through the month of July. Surprisingly at the end of July, I had 5 rides left on my punch card. Not because I didn't ride the commuter rail as much as I had anticipated, because the myth was true! If the conductor is feeling generous, he or she will punch your card in an already existing whole to give the illusion that the card was punched. However, not punching out another whole which gets you... a free ride! I was somewhat excited when I realized that over the course of 24 rides in and out of the city, I earned myself 5 freebies. Then, that excitement was squashed since because it dawned on me that this is why the fares are raised... because people get freebies. I have to assume, I'm not the only lucky one to get a free ride because I hear the myth all the time. I also realized that I buy a monthly pass so I pay my fair share here so, with the monthly pass, I don't get a freebie. So, as much as I liked getting the free ride, I'd rather the conductors crack down and not give out so many freebies because this is one of the many reasons why we now have to pay what we pay for the train, T and bus now. Otherwise, I just might start gambling and getting the new 10 ride pass and see how far it gets me instead of my monthlies. Just sayin'...

Plymouth and Brockton Magnifying Glass Lady

Tonight I am heading to the Cape for a girl friends 30^th birthday! I have never taken the bus to the Cape before so on my lunch break, I went to South Station to figure it out so I don’t have to figure it out at 5pm when everyone else is hustling and bustling around.

I get to South Station and head down long corridors to get to the Bus section of the station. I finally find the Plymouth and Brockton counter and wait patiently in line. The woman behind the counter is taking forever. The guy in front of me is playing with the one cigarette he probably has to his name that is tucked behind his ear for safe keeping. This guy is also carrying his prized possessions in a black trash bag and is fidgeting nervously. It was 2pm and I am assuming he needed to catch the 2:15pm bus.

The woman behind me starts talking. I have no idea she is talking to me. “This lady is crazy. She doesn’t belong here! She sits there with her stupid magnifying glass.” I don’t respond. “You know, I had to come here on my break because I knew she was working today and I just wouldn’t have time to get a ticket and catch the bus.”

Now I turn back. She WAS talking to me. “There is nothing worse than having to run for the bus… or the train after a long day at work.” Apparently I have egged her on.

“This lady shouldn’t work here. She is chatty to everyone and can’t see and all everyone wants to do is get their ticket and get goin’.”

It was finally my turn and this lady whips out a magnifying glass to read my credit card. I had to laugh. The lady behind the counter was a nice old lady who just wanted to chat and was blind as a bat. She processed my ticket quickly and I was on my way.

It’s funny how people pick up on the quirks of others. I definitely do but it was nice to see that others pick up on that stuff like I do… I just get to blog about it.

I’m off to the Cape!!

My Aunties Project

I found this quite interesting to see. After all, I ride the T every day and have wondered how these tunnels are created and what kind of effort goes into creating them. Here's a little video that I enjoyed. My Aunt is working on this project in NYC to help make the Second Avenue Subway happen. Take a look:

Second Avenue Subway

Woman Tries to Board Escalator with Scooter!

Here's a lovely gem I missed while I was gone. Check out this video:

Woman tries to board escalator with scooter!

First of all, I know for sure there is a warning not to take strollers on the escalator so what on earth would make someone think that they'd get to the top of the stairs safely in a motorized scooter. Some people's stupidity blows my mind sometimes.

Have a great day my friends!!

Drunk Growly Guy

I have been very busy lately. So, forgive me for not hopping on here to report my silly train stories.

A few days back, Shape Ups Chick sat next to me. It was kind of awkward. I did look down at her feet and she had, to my relief, stylish sandals on. Go Shape Ups Chick you made my day. I did however; find out something else about Shape Ups Chick. She is a germaphobe for sure! She sat down and whipped out an antibacterial wipe and wiped down her hands and arms. I thought it was a good idea because when you get on the commuter rail, you most likely have been stuck on the T to get there packed in like a sardine. So, I didn’t blame her. A few minutes go by and she hasn’t touched anything, she whips out another wipe and wipes herself down again. About ten minutes go by and she whips out another wipe and repeats the wipe down process. I had no idea Shape Ups chick was also a germaphobe.

Last night was a fun ride home, in the seat across from me there was a little girl fascinated with a mechanical tooth brush. The kid kept turning it on for long lengths of time. First of all, who lets their kid have their tooth brush on the train? If that kid accidentally touches the tooth brush to anything, it’s all over! The mother kept yelling at the kid to turn it off because she’d “wear out the batteries” and if the batteries died she’d “have to buy a new one.” Um, or if the kid touches that tooth brush to anything train related, it’s of no use in my book but this mother wasn’t worried about the germs or other peoples sanity (Do you know how annoying a mechanical tooth brush is when it’s buzzing next to you?)

This kid however; was not as annoying as the crazy drunk guy behind me though. I hear a drunk growly voice say “Do you know why Jesus hates you?” No one answers so he repeats himself. The poor guy next to him replies “I do not!” Drunk growly guy replies “Because you have sex. That’s right he hates you because you have sex.” The guy says “But I’m married.” And drunk growly guy replies “Jesus doesn’t care and he has no place for you. So where are you gonna go now?” the nice guy in the seat is stumped. He doesn’t say anything. Drunk growly guy starts getting louder “Where you gonna go now? You chose to have sex so Jesus doesn’t have a place for you!”

Please keep in mind this is an express train so it by passes multiple stops and you’re stuck on this train for at least 25 minutes. One woman around us gets up and walks to the front of the train after he starts drunk yelling. The nice guy talking to drunk growly guy replies meekly “I just don’t know.”

“Well you have to figure it out because I’m saved and you’re not so he has a place for me. Ya, that’s right. I’m saved. Jesus loves me but he…. Hates…..you!!!”

“ANDERSON WOBURN!!” screams the conductor!

And we’re all saved by the conductor and are free to go.

Get In My Belly!

Yesterday I took an earlier train in to work because I had a lot to get done at the office. When I go in early I get a lot more done since no one is in the office and the phones aren't ringing. As I am getting out of my seat on the train and entering into the aisle, I am closing out of Facebook and returning to my home screen on my phone. My one and a half year old nephew is my wall paper at the moment. Fat Bastard was nice enough to let me go in front of her and she sees my nephew on my phone.

"Isn't he adorable?" She says to me. I turn around and say a quick thank you before departing the train. As I am walking down the platform I had a huge smirk on my face. I was trying to hold in my laughter because all I could think of was Fat Bastard in the movie Austin Powers. "Get in my belly! Baby! The other-other white meat! Baby! It's what's for dinner!"

Obviously I knew she didn't want to eat my nephew for dinner but I couldn't help but envisioning that hysterical scene in my head.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Picture Courtesy of Urban Dictionary