Hoofing it!

This morning was a fun adventure. I get to North Station and hop off the commuter rail and when I go to the T station, it’s being evacuated. The only person in the building was the Metro paper guy and the MBTA police. I even tried to go into the building…what is wrong with me? That’s how much I dreaded hoofing it a half a mile to my office. I went in and tried to go down the escalator before getting kicked out by the MBTA police. Still don’t know what was wrong in the station but dam*, hoofing it sucked. I generally don’t mind walking. In fact, I embrace it when the weather is nice buuut I am feeling like I am on the verge of bronchitis/pneumonia and I really didn’t feel like using my energy before my work day even began. Hopefully the Orange line is back up and running this afternoon because I’m exhausted.

Picture courtesy of Joe-ks.com

Zip Your Lips!

This morning I saw a woman play the best train game I have ever seen. This woman is brilliant!

A woman boards the train with her daughter today. The daughter says to the mom "I want to play a game. What should we play?" The mother responds "Let's play Simon Says. You go first."

The little girl is so excited. The mother then says "Simon says 'Zip your lips!" the little girl holds her fingers up to her lips like she is zipping them. Then she has a confused look and unzips her lips "How long?" asks the little girl.

Mom responds "Until we reach North Station. Ready. Set. Go." The little girl rezips her lips and was quiet all the way to North Station.

We get to North Station and the girl unzips her lips. "Now it's your turn. Simon says.......Skip off the train." The mom skipped right off that train. 

Shape Ups Chick- Still Shape Ups Chick?

This morning I encountered Shape Ups chick as she was walking down the aisle to get off the train. I was sitting so when I saw her walk by me, I eagerly checked out her shoes. Surely after Shape Ups were all over the news reporting that they had been falsely advertised as a slimming, toning shoe, I figured she would have ditched ‘em since they hold no fashion value what so ever. I’d also have to assume that if someone was wearing them previously, they’d strictly be wearing them with the hope of shedding some pounds and not because they thought they looked cool.

Well, I was VERY disappointed this morning to find that Shape Ups Chick is STILL Shape Ups Chick! She did not ditch them! What is wrong with her? You know you look like an astronaut. Extra! Extra! Read All About It! Shape Ups do NOTHING! You  must know this? Or maybe you don’t because she has been living under a rock! I am 100% floored that she is still sporting her space shoes. Eye Yi Yi! Unbelievable I tell ya…

Photo Courtesy of Sketchers

Strict Policy

Last night on my way home, I was asked directions twice in a row at the T stop. After a little over a year, I finally look to outsiders like a real Bostonian! It made my night. A guy next to me started talking to me about how he would go but to send non-Bostonian’s that way, I figured they’d get lost so I told them the most direct route. We continue chit chatting about the joys of public commuting and how he gets in specifically at the same T door I get in because when it stops at North Station, everyone gets off and he has plenty of room to ride out the remainder of his commute (Very strategic and I like it)!

I told him that I get off at North Station and he told me to be careful not to get trampled. He was joking and wasn’t expecting my retort “I have been trampled. Hence why I wear closed toed shoes while commuting. It’s not fun.” He is shocked.

“Wow! That is crazy! I have a strict no run for public transit policy. They get too much joy shutting those doors in your face when we are right there.” He says.

I like his policy. However, I can’t fully agree with it. If you don’t run for the train at North Station and you’re heading for the commuter rail and you miss your train, you are stuck sitting around North Station for another half hour to an hour! Not fun in my book. And yes, I do carry a book with me at all times but reading a book at North Station is not how I want to spend my evening. On the other hand, I  can agree with him on his strict no run for public transit policy because had people decided to walk instead of run, my foot never would have been mangled in the escalator (hence why I wear closed toed shoes now) and I would have never been body slammed into a cement wall. It’s almost a catch 22 to run for transit, you get home faster but you run the risk of injury to do so.

Shape Ups are a Fraud and I Knew It!!

If you recall correctly in my post Meet Shape Ups Chick I speculated that the only thing Shapes ups did was make you look like you were preparing for your trip to outer f*cking space! Yes?!

Well today, an announcment was made that Sketchers will have to pay "40 Million to settle charges by the Federal Trade Commission that the footwear company made unfounded claims that its Shape-ups shoes would help people lose weight and strengthen their butt, leg and stomach muscles. " Reports Jennifer Kerr. Get the full story from Boston.com here:  FTC: Skechers deceived consumers with shoe ads

I am in my glory today!! I knew it all along and everyone said that Shape Ups really did work! Well they DON'T!!!  SO.... HA!

If you wish to get a refund for your space shoes go here: https://skechers.action-settlement.com/

Comfortably Numb!

I have to say that in the last year or so of being a train commuter, the things I wrote about seemed to strike me as odd and out of the ordinary. However, lately I have become numb to the things people do. They are no longer shocking to me.

The Bull Fighting Jack A*s is no longer a threat to me. I am fully prepared to elbow him in his ugly face the next time he tries to run me over. Fat Bastard still cracks me up. I don't think I could become numb to her. The other day she sprinted from the T to the popcorn stand looking like a weeble (Remember kids- Weebles wobble but they don't fall over). I laughed all the way up the escalator watching her and people probably thought I was mental and wondered what the heck I was laughing at but come on... how is that not funny? After she secured her popcorn, she leisurely walked to the train. I did learn my lesson from her though, don't wear anything that you don't want ruined by flailing popcorn grease and salt!

Bad breath and body odor is not acceptable. However, it now equates to me lathering up my hands with pretty smelling lotion and holding my hands to my face for the remainder of the train ride (Yes, I look like the girl from Super Star but whatever, I don't smell grossness. I smell Peach Bellini lotion thank you very much). I have thought about spritzing the air with perfume or room spray like I tried to inconspicuously do when I had previously walked by the Occupy protesters but on a train, you aren't inconspicuous when it comes to spraying things. 

So, perhaps I haven't grown numb to these things. Maybe, I have just adapted to other peoples, eh-hem,  short comings and have adjusted my ways so that I don't have to suffer through my commute.

Singing in the Train! Singing in the Train...

This morning I hop on at North Station and we stop a few minutes later at Haymarket. One lady gets on the train and says to everyone "Wake up everybody! It's a great day to be alive!" We are all grasping our coffee mugs as if they are life lines. We are all quiet and somber and no one says a word. Another guy tries to pile in to the already packed train. "Come on Mister! We have room! Room for everyone on this fine day." She says in the most cheerful voice and at 7am you just want to kick her.

The guy looks at her and squeezes on. "It's so quiet in here." he says to her. Clearly, he doesn't ride the train often because the train in the morning is full of coffee deprived people who can barely form a sentence until that cup of coffee from Starbucks in their hands has been drained into their mouths. The doors close and we continue to State.

"Yes it is quiet. Let's sing a song! What do you want to sing?" She asks and once again in a cheery voice that makes you just wanna... you guessed it, kick her! AND now that we're moving, it wouldn't be so far fetched to kick her on "accident". However, I refrain because I know I am getting off in thirty seconds.

They go back and forth on what they would like to sing. They are just about to Que up when I hear "State. Doors open on the left!" Phew! I dodged a bullet there. I did not want to hear singing prior to finishing my life line in my hands also known as coffee!!

Bad Breath and Sweatin' Out the Brew

OK People, you can't go throwing Train Etiquette Tips by the wayside! What the heck happened to train etiquette tips one and two. I will refresh your memory in case you are a culprit of these in the morning-

"Train Etiquette Tip #1- Hygiene

Prior to stepping on the train, make sure your hygiene is in check. No one wants to smell booze sweating out your pores or the peppers and onions you cooked for dinner last night. Take a shower, brush your teeth, do what ever is necessary to remove foul smells from your body.

Train Etiquette Tip #2- Hygiene (Continued)

Take care of your hygiene before you leave for your trip or morning commute. Shaving, clipping your nails or licking the bleeding cut on your knee are not acceptable on the train. I have to breathe in the air in which your shavings disperse into, walk on the floor your nail clippings fall on and the bleeding knee… please, no one wants to look at that. Ask for a tissue. I’m sure someone has one! "

 

Now that you have been refreshed, please adhere to these rules upon sitting next to me. This morning I had someone sit next to me who failed to brush his teeth and was also sweating out booze from last night. Yes, I know, last night was a big night in Boston. Celtics game and Red Sox game. However, sit by yourself if the nasty beer MUST come out of those pore and for Christ's sake, brush your freaking teeth!

 

For a full list of Etiquette Tips go to Train Etiquette 101

 

 

She's Just Crazy and Losing Her Mind

This morning I sat next to a woman who talked to herself the entire ride. She got on a few stops after me and when she sat down and the train starts taking off she utters "Aw Shucks! I can't believe I forgot it." She digs through her bag vigorously "Yup I forgot it shucks!" she proclaims (She really said "Shucks!"). I figure that's the end of it since I have been known to talk to myself when I think I have forgotten something too and realize just as the train takes off that i forgot to put the e-break on for instance. "Sh*t! Sh*t! Sh*t!" I proclaimed as people probably assumed I suffered from turrets. I had slammed my head against the window of the train to peer into the parking lot to make sure my vehicle wasn't rolling around like an abandoned shopping cart. Once the parking lot was out of sight, I sat down and forgot about it. I couldn't do anything after that point. So, naturally since I could forget about my e-break situation, I figured after her little fit, she'd forget about her situation too. WRONG!

"I can't believe I did that!" as she's rocking back and forth. "I can't believe I did that! Shucks! Right on the seat! Why did I leave it....." continues to rock herself. She went on and on from her stop to North Station. I looked over at one point to see if she was holding a phone to her ear. Maybe she called someone. Nope, not holding a phone to her ear. I then decided to investigate if she had a blue tooth on. I could only see her right side so when we got to North Station I had to discretely check out her left. Nope. No blue tooth on either side. She was just crazy and losing her mind. That is all!

But it's an Expensive Bag...

For those of you who remember my post on Various Seat Hogging Tactics, here is a perfect example of- The Bag Lady! To refresh your memory,

• The Bag Lady

Or bag man for that matter. Either way, this maneuver is for amateur train riders and is an old stand by for tried and true train riders. The subject places their bag on the seat instead of in the over head rack or on the floor by their feet. Subject hopes that people boarding see that obviously the bag is sitting in the seat so they in turn can not sit there. However, I on the other hand, will ask them to move their bags and sit anyways. I will make you move your bag before I stand in the aisle.  We all paid our train ticket and I don’t believe your bag did. (MBTA is looking into ticketing people who have their bags on seats and I honestly hope they do it.)

This morning on the train the conductor is coming through and there are a lot of people standing in the aisle with no seat. The conductor comes to a seat with a girl and an oversized hand bag in it. The conductor “Miss, you will have to move your bag. There are a ton of people in the aisles. Put it on the floor, on your lap, on the over head but it needs to be off that seat so people can sit.”

This girl looks up and says in her best Paris Hilton voice “But Sir, it’s an expensive bag.” The conductor is not amused.

“Then put it in your lap.” He says.

“Then how am I going to read?” she says continuing the Paris Hilton voice.

“If you don’t find a place for that, you will be standing in the aisle holding your bag and not reading and two people will get to sit.”

She grabs her purse in a fit and puts it on her lap. I might add that she was able to still read with her oversized purse in her lap and someone got to sit. I am glad the conductor said something! I have an expensive purse and an expensive back pack. The expensive back pack goes on the floor by my feet. You can’t get emotionally attached to a work bag when you are a train commuter. It’s going to get dirty and/or ruined and for my hand bag, I keep it on my lap and it remains pristine. Get over yourself girl, because everyone has expensive things and we all just deal with the fact that we are in a public space and it could get damaged.

Salem Witch on the T

I swear Tituba from the Salem Witch Trials was on the T this morning! I hear from about ten feet down on a completely silent T in a thick accent "Who you lookeeen at?" there is silence. She starts again "Who you think you lookeen at?" silence again! "I put a spell on people who look at me like dat!" silence once again. People are uncomfortable but lucky for me, I am standing right next to a guy who looks like he is going to his shift as a security guard so I was all set. The doors open and people start piling out of the train. I wish I got a look at her but it was so crowded and she was sitting so I couldn't see.

Picture from Salem Witch Museum

What About Bob?

Last night I wrapped up a little later at work than usual. I went down to the T and a train had just pulled in. I ran and hopped in the last train car instead of walking all the way down to nearly the first train car (If I am in the first few train cars, I am lined up perfectly at North Station with the escalators. So, if I have time, I head all the way down.). Last night I was just happy to get on the train instead of having to wait another five or more minutes for the next one.

I am getting situated as the doors literally shut behind me. I look up to see a woman standing there looking all normal until she reaches up to adjust her napkin. Yup, this woman created a barrier between her hand and the handle with a napkin in true “What About Bob?” style!

Next thing you know, she’ll be walking around with a gold fish around her neck and reading “Baby Steps”!

Ride the T With Out Your Pants On!

How was I not informed of this? It's like an official/unofficial don't wear your pants on the T day. I am SO coming to the city for this next year and riding around on the T. Weather or not I drop my pants is another story. Check out the full story here.  I think the best line I read was that some guys "stuff". Now I don't feel so bad for false advertising with that push up bra as a teen....