STOP F*CKING STALKING ME!

This has nothing to do with the train. NOTHING. BUT, I am venting. Venting about this sh*tty a*s world of dating. I go on a date, he tells me he’s married still and hasn’t filed for divorce. I say, I am not going to date someone still with their WIFE! He wants to be my “friend”.

So, here is my public service announcement:

Please be advised that this is not Nineteen Eighty-What-the-f*ck-ever! Arriving at a woman’s home unannounced in a 1989 Blue Chevy Malibu wearing a trench coat and a boombox is NOT romantic!! NOT AT ALL! It’s creepy…especially if she lives ALONE!

OK, OK… this guy actually, after he text and I responded with “Don’t come over!” and then texts to “call me” and I say I don’t want a conversation tonight, showed up in a white BMW with a dozen roses and a poem and proceeded to ring my doorbell a few times, getting my dog all riled up and flipping out at the doors while I hid in the middle of my house in my guest bedroom because I could easily jump out that window if I had to because I didn’t know what door he was ringing the doorbell from…front or back. I huddled on the guest bed whispering into the phone to my friend as my heart raced. He messaged a little while later that he was leaving me something and he was leaving. I hung up with my friend and since it was 9:30 at night, whatever the heck he left me could wait until the morning! I messaged two other friends and they urged me to call the police which I did. They showed up and surveyed the property. Found my roses and my poem for me and took notes and promised to monitor the house after they left for the rest of the night. Last night, I made sure all my dead bolts were secured, made sure every door and window had the alarm armed and then went to bed with my pepper spray, phone, car keys and a HAMMER under my pillow that my dad got me for Christmas for “home ownership responsibilities” NOT for whacking people…but I didn’t have a Louisville Slugger sooo this was the next best thing. Oh… and my very big dog close by!

The police also called him to tell him to leave me alone. What does he do after that call… message me asking if I’m still up. Clearly I ignored it as he ignored the polices request to leave me the f*ck alone. This morning, I get an “apology text” and I state that I appreciate the apology. However, don’t contact me anymore. What does he do… RESPONDs by putting the blame of my reaction on someone other than himself! Asking me to talk to my friends and family about the situation. BUT to ultimately, do what makes me happy!

Um, ultimately right now what would make me happy is if you get out of my face!

So there you go boys and girls! It’s not romantic! Not even one bit! It’s creepy. It gets the police called and all I wanted last night was to relax! That was all. Instead I got an anxiety attack, police surveying my property and reports to fill out.

Also, what’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? That would be… the PRICK is on the inside of the BMW!  

He Sh*t Himself

Hello Friends,
Saturday was a day of bliss. I had a one hour massage, walked over to the North End and got the best slice of pizza ever, went to the Otis House for a gorgeous tour and then, on my way home was wondering what it was that I was smelling-slash-gagging on. Well... here you go ladies and gentlemen. Compliments of this high-stoned-drunk MBTA passenger who probably didn't even know he had sh*t himself because he looked at me, smiled from ear to ear and winked at me (was he flirting with me.... sick!)  before turning to show off his back side.  Good thing I had scented anti bac gel so I could throw it on my hands and then cover my nose with said hands while I hoped and prayed this guy did not lose his footing!!!
Have a great week y'all!!

Happy Flippin Friday!

Today was going pretty well until... I got notification that there was police action in Chelsea and my train was delayed...then canceled. I check out my options. I can take the bus all the way from my office to my doorstep and that will take an hour and a half and that isn't including traffic!! Oorrr I could take the blue line to a bus and then have the bus drop me 0.7 miles away from my place. The blue line/bus option supposedly will take less time so I chance it. This would not be so bad except for the fact that I am a fricken bag lady. I walked through Haymarket this morning and got apples, strawberries and asparagus. Bags, bags bags. PS Apples are heavy and I know this buttttt I wanted Apples so I got Apples. Then on my lunch break, I went shopping. CVS for essentials. Poshmark for not exactly essentials, Bath and Body because. .. why not? ! More bags, bags bags! Now, on the commuter rail not a huge problem. There is a storage bin overhead. The T...The bus...Not so much. So now, I'm the freaking bag lady toting my many bags all around just to get home. Why didn't I Uber you might ask. Well... because it is surge pricing and traffic... so no bueno! I had an offer for a ride too but they were already out of the city and I'd feel bad making them come back to get me so... here's hoping I (and my bags) get home in one piece and in a timely manner!! Please Please Pretty Please!!!!!!!

Don’t Poke Me!

Last Friday, I had a short day at work and then went over to the ICA. After I was done, I could hop on the Blue line to the bus or I could wait an hour for the commuter rail. I chose to hop on the Blue line and hoped for the best.

I get on at State Street and head towards Wonderland. I am surprised at how packed it is. I end up standing in front of a couple that is sitting. The guy looks up and says to me “You’re so cute, I just want to poke you!” and then…pokes me in the stomach. The woman is horrified!! I laugh it off and then ask where they are from (because no Bostonian is going to poke my abs!) They are from Rochester, NY and were heading to Reno’s because they saw it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives! Which now reminds me…my dad and I need to go there because he saw it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives! As we get to their stop the guy asks if he can adopt me because I’m so darn cute and could they take me to lunch and pretend I’m their daughter? Not sure what to say, I laugh it off again until finally the T stops and the doors open to let them off! FEW!

Fast forward to Tuesday of this week: I get into North Station on the commuter rail and decide that I’m not walking in the rain! I take the Orange line to State instead. I get on and obviously because it is raining, it is packed! A little old man is next to me- slash- in front of me (it was an odd angle). I am surprised that no one offered him a seat. He stands and doesn’t make a fuss until the doors open at Haymarket. No one gets off but a few people push their way on. This girl pushed her way in knocking this guy completely over and forcing him to pretty much do a trust fall into my arms. As I hold the poor guy up he screams “HEY!! HEYYYY!” I push him upright and he stands again not looking back and that’s when I turned around, rolled my eyes at another passenger who rolled their eyes at me first and faced the other direction so that poor old men don’t fall into my arms again!

Welcome to my commuter life!