Wine on the Train and Douching My Espresso Machine

Last night as I rode home on the train, I notice the guy next to me is drinking a fun drink out of a tetra pack. Ya know…the kind of packs your coconut water comes in. Although, upon closer inspection, I see that it is not coconut water or maple water… it is in fact WINE! Yes! Wine! The nerve of some people. I mean really… drinking wine out of a tetra pack on the train and not bringing one for ME!?

After I realize I don’t have my own handy little tetra pack of wine, I decide that when I get home, I’ll crack open a bottle of wine to make up for my lack of tetra pack sipping earlier. However, I get home and get distracted. I talk on the phone, take my dog to the beach to let out energy and by the time I come home, I totally forget I want wine. I start to make dinner and I eye my brand new espresso machine. I had already spent an hour and a half trying to prime the d*mn thing on Sunday and on Monday I called the maker directly to trouble shoot. They tell me it’s a dud and now I have to send it to a repair outlet to have it fixed. So, I tell my dad this on the phone before the beach while I was not drinking my wine (although I should have been for what I was about to have to do). He said to call the company I ordered it from and demand a new one. None of this refurbish bull sh*t. I paid for a brand new one.

So, while my asparagus and chicken were in the oven, I call to tell them that it’s a dud and that I trouble shooted for hours upon hours and I want a new one. The woman on the phone says “Did they have you force prime it?” I tell her that I didn’t get any tutorial on how to force prime it. I am excited. If I get this thing primed, then I will have a fabulous cup of espresso at my finger tips that maybe…just maybe… I’ll be able to enjoy with my dessert. Who needs wine when you can have a nice espresso? Huh?! My hopes are so up and I am willing to do anything!

“Do you have a turkey baster?” she asks.

“Yes. I hosted thanks giving a few years ago. It’s hiding somewhere. Let me find it!” I reply.

I dig through my utensil drawer and I have found turkey baster gold! I return to the call.

“OK! Got it!” I say.

“OK, remove your water tank and fill the baster with water. See the whole in the back of where the tank goes? Insert the baster and force the water through. You may have to do it a few times.”

With the hopes of getting this thing primed I do it. I suddenly feel like I am giving my freakin’ espresso machine a god d*mn douche! I mean really! What the f*ck am I doing! Ok…now…where is my wine glass. CRAP! I never opened the bottle. I am going to need wine to get through this! GEEEZ!

DING! The oven goes off and don’t want it to burn so I remove everything and start munching on asparagus while I douche this freakin’ machine. It’s not working by the way! Not at all!!

“It’s not working!” I tell the woman on the phone.

“You might have to call back tomorrow. I am not a technician. They went home for the evening. I just answer the phones.”

My first thought is “Ok… is this woman f*cking with me?” ( Later I confirmed via youtube video that she wasn’t!)

We end our conversation and I look at my dinner. I have eaten all the asparagus and the potato salad I put on the plate and am left with just one piece of chicken. I sadly take my one piece of chicken to the table to finish eating and totally…once again forget about getting my wine and to boot, ZERO espresso!

This guy on the train was on to something though; wine on the train isn’t a bad idea. Having a little unwind time before evening activities (such as douching an espresso machine) might be nice.

Bundled Up For June 1st

Attire for June 1^st:

·         Winter Jacket

·         Scarf

·         Gloves

·         Heattech Tights from Uniqlo

·         Black Skirt

·         Turtle neck cashmir sweater

·         Knee high socks

·         Hunter Rain Boots*

·         Umbrella

Yes…this was my attire for June 1^st! It was a whopping 49 degrees out and down pouring. Oh, and might I mention that while I waited for the train, I was wishing I wore warmer items like…my abominable snowman jacket (AKA hideous down puffy jacket that goes to my knees but keeps me nice and toasty) and a hat** . Why was I wishing I wore warmer items because what I wore should have been sufficient? Oh… that would be because I waited in the pouring, raw, cold rain for an hour and fifteen minutes on the train platform because the train decided to have a signal problem and delay everything! Oh, and during that hour and fifteen minutes of bone chilling fun, an express train swooped on by, therefore spraying us and therefore rendering our umbrellas completely useless.

A train finally pulled in to pick us up and we were all our way to North Station. I got to North Station and hopped on the T toward the office. All I wanted was a nice warm caramel macchiato from the Starbucks in the lobby on my way up to my office but NO! The line was out the door and I had to tell myself no because I was already an hour and a half late for work!

Awesome Job MBTA! Great way to start our Monday!

*Yes the ones ruined by the as*hole foot stomper but I haven’t replaced them yet and wasn’t about to wear winter ones…although I could have! They look fine…just upon close inspection they have a tear and no one is inspecting my feet…at least I hope not and If you are, get over your disgusting foot fetish. Eyes up here buddy…eyes up here!

**Hat not initially worn for fear of ruining hair! My hair did make it to the office unscathed thank you very much! J

Welcome Back To Boston Honey!

My boyfriend had an appointment in the city so we decided he’d take the train in with me in the morning. My CEO is in town today so I needed to catch the early train. We may have hit snooze a few times and may have let the dog take her time sniffing 500 million things on our morning walk. When we got home we ran around frantically getting ready and rushed so we could catch that earlier train that I just HAAAAD to make. The poor guy hardly got in a good shave, was forced to use my Keurig instead of the coffee maker and wound up with one of my foo foo vanilla latte sweet coffees…and to boot, I did laundry last night and set his Armani sweater out to dry not realizing he’d like to wear it today and he had to throw on an almost dry Armani sweater as we dashed out the door.

We make it to the train platform on time and wait for the train as we sip our foo foo coffees. As the train conductor rolls in he says “Good morning!” to us as he passes by in the open door that we are about to board. He then says “We have no electricity.” I think I hear him wrong and then he says it again! Yup! Zero electricity!

As we board, I think we have a shot at finding seats together since the MBTA has been smooth sailing since it got out of its winter slump. HA! I was way wrong. Not only do we not find seats together…we don’t find seats at all! Turns out the train ahead of us was canceled so there are two train loads of people on this thing and it’s standing room only!

So now, we stand there with our foo foo coffees in the aisle…in the dark…as the train car slowly becomes a sauna.

We got to North Station and decided against taking the T and walked the rest of the way. Later on, I realized that the conductor never came through to check tickets soooo at least his awesome re-introductory train ride was complimentary.

Welcome back to Boston Honey!

P.S. My CEO never made it to town and I didn’t have to be in the office  early after all! OY Vey!

Oooh! I Saw Him Again

I saw him! I saw the guy that smashed my foot! You may recall from last weeks post: http://hertrainstories.blogspot.com/2015/04/you-ruined-my-hunters-and-my-foot.html
He was about 20 feet away from me though. I noticed him because a woman shrieked “OUCH!”

Obviously when you are on the train and someone hears “Ouch!” you look. So I flipped around to see what was going on. I saw this large man pinned up against her on one side and a pole on the other side of her. “I’m so sorry!” he said as he threw himself off of her.

She basically brushed it off like I did and told him not to worry about it and that is when I recognized him. “Well, this guy doesn’t know how to balance very well.” I thought. THEN, I see him take his beanie hat off and put it between his hand and the pole. Is this guy a certifiable “What-about-Bob” kind of germaphobe? Is that why he is going around bashing innocent bystanders because he doesn’t want to touch germs to maintain balance? What a dick! Carry some antibac and get the f*ck over it buddy!

I wish I was standing closer to him so I could have said something! However, when you are 20 feet away and start screaming at a stranger, then you become the crazy one, soooo I held off!  

You Ruined My Hunters and My Foot!

Last week, it was raining! I did what any city girl would do: Wear her Hunters and Hop on the Subway!

It was the morning. It was a sardine packed train. A large man packed himself in beside me and the T took off. He didn’t have his balance and ended up slamming down on my foot. He apologized and felt awful. My foot was throbbing but I figured I’d just walk it off. I got to work and upon removing my Hunters, I see on the top, a big gash across the one that was holding my boo boo foot! How the heck are they rain boots with a huge gash in them! I mean really!? I started to boil. In fact, I was too mad to even type. I had to cool down.

After removing the gashed Hunter, I inspected my foot. It wasn’t swollen so I figured it was nothing.  I went on with my day in my 4 inch stilettos while trying desperately not to look like I was limping. I reeled in my walking and iced when I could. After a week, I was still feeling pain and still trying not to look like I was limping in my stilettos (I wore flats when I could!)

I went to the Doctor’s office yesterday. The Doctor inspected my foot and grew very concerned. She then sent me to the emergency room down the street for X-Rays because it was either a fracture or a bruised bone.

My results came in. It thankfully was not a fracture. However, it’s severely bruised. She instructed me that I can no longer tough it out in stilettos and have to wear sneakers at work. This is horrifying! A bruise AND sneakers! I also have to ice it when I can and pop extra strength Tylenol like it is candy.

So, thanks Buddy! I know it wasn’t intentional but you SUCK! Not only did you give me a boo boo foot. You ruined my Hunters. Talk about add insult to injury! Lesson learned: Don’t invest money into commuter shoes!

Mothball Etiquette

Let's start by saying I despise  mothballs and it’s that time of year when people are taking clothing out of storage for the new season. PS…why are people still storing clothing between seasons…build a bigger closet! That’s what I did. Voila… no more storage issues. No more mothballs. However, if you aren’t building yourself a bigger closet here are a few pointers so I don’t have to sit next to your smelly a*s on the train! (Can you tell my coffee was nonexistent this morning?)  Not to mention mothballs are poisonous and I don’t need to be touching that!

·         Put your clothes in RubberMaid Tubs.

·         Put your clothes in garment bags

·         Use Cedar Chips

·         Use Sachet’s. Lavender is nice!

If you MUST use mothballs…do us all a favor and wash your clothes like…five (hundred) times before they resurface for the season! Please…and thank you!

That is all!

My Heart Dropped!

Oh my goodness, my heart dropped this morning. I get on the T at North Station and we head to Haymarket. When we get in to Haymarket, people notice there is room for people to move down and make room for others to get on. While doing this, a little boy is thrust onto the T while the mom and her daughter wait on the platform. Well, wouldn’t you know, while they are waiting patiently for everyone to move in, the doors close separating the little boy from his mom and sister? The doors closed so fast that the little girls face was brushed with them.

My heart dropped. I was horrified that this poor kid was potentially on his way alone in a crowded train without his mother.

Luckily about 20 seconds later, the doors reopened because someone in another train car wasn’t all the way in. I sighed relief and I could see the moms relief too as she tried not to panic in front of her small children. The little girls smile was from ear to ear that she was with her brother again.

Oh my goodness though… could you imagine!? I sure as hell can’t! Lesson learned, when you have small kids, you enter the train all at the same time!