"Did you just grab my A*S?" - Mr. Zadir Night at the Roxbury

So, last night was fun (and when I say fun I mean, what a mess)! Now that the MBTA is cracking down of freeloading riders, we now have to display our ticket to the conductor prior to boarding. We also have to keep it out after we board to show the conductor one more time. I think it’s great that they are cutting down on the freebee rides. However, at the end of the day when you are trying to get hundreds of people on a commuter rail, it is a cluster-mess!

I have a feeling if this continues on like this, I will lose my pass. I’ll drop it or forget it or miss place it trying to get myself situated on the train. There has got to be a better way. I’ll have to get one of those wallets that displays my card in a window or something because I know myself, I will lose it and like I have said in previous posts, I can either rebuy my ticket or buy a pair of shoes each month… I am going to have to keep track of that sucker otherwise I will not be getting new shoes any time soon!

On a lighter note: This morning was a cold morning and people were packing on to the T like usual. Gentle Giant piled in behind me and we rode like little sardines to Haymarket. Once we were at Haymarket, Gentle Giant got off the train to allow passengers off and got back on. One woman behind him was determined to get on and squished him right on top of me. When the train took off, he lost his balance and inadvertently grabbed my a*s! The second he realized where his hand was he threw his arms up at the ceiling and kept his balance that way. Too embarrassed to look at me, he kept looking at the ceiling. Poor guy!

Training Day on the Train

Last night I left work a little bit late. I got to the T station at 5:13pm and needed to catch the 5:30pm train out of North Station. Typically this is a piece of cake! Seventeen minutes to go two stops. Easy breezy! There was a train that just left and in about five minutes another one will arrive. Well, ten minutes later another train finally comes. Over the loud speaker a woman is screaming “This train is packed. Please allow passengers off before boarding. If you can’t fit, stay behind the yellow line!” The train passes me and it’s a man driving! What thaaaah?

The doors open and people come spilling out. However, these people aren’t disembarking the train to get off; they are allowing people off and then getting back on. It is a miracle I fit on this thing. I had seven minutes to get to my train now. It was going to be a close call. The guy driving starts yelling over the loud speaker “Lady with the blue coat, suck it in or get out! I can’t shut the doors.” The doors slam closed and whip back open again. “Lady! You don’t fit!” The doors slam closed and whip open once again. I don’t see this lady and all of a sudden I hear from the other end of the train car “Mind yo’ own damn business. I do fit! He is just being a pansy. He can shut the doors!” The doors close once more and now that I know where to look, I see the doors bounce off of her. Her stomach is not on the train and no, she is not pregnant! The rest of her is on the train but her stomach is protruding out the door.

“There is another train behind me. If you do NOT fit on this one, please get off and wait for the next train!” announces the conductor. He forgets to shut the loud speaker off and starts talking normally. “This lady needs to get off the train. I’m not hearing that clicking sound the door should make. You told me it would make a clicking sound.” The lady training this guy says “Don’t worry. It’s not your fault she is holding up the train. You can see her stomach hanging out on the video screen. It’s her!”

The whole train car starts giggling like school children trying to maintain composure. She finally caves “Y’all shut the hell up and mind yo’ own business!” She hops off the train and waits behind the yellow line with a sour puss on her face. She was angry!

As the train whips past the scrolling message board, I look at the time. It’s 5:26pm. I am not making my train and neither are the rest of the passengers I recognize from my commuter train.

This poor guy getting thrown into training during rush hour and the poor passengers subjected to the fact that we all have to learn and we all have to start somewhere. We tend to be  patient when it comes to learning and picking up new jobs. However, when you mess with our commute, it gets a little irritating. Although, this time, it wasn’t his fault. It was the lady in the blue jackets but he did take his sweet time getting to our stop. 10 minutes? Hmph!  

Meet Mistress Phone Guy

For a while every morning on my way into the city, I’d some how manage to sit near who I call, Mistress Phone Guy. His phone would ring and he would pick it up and loudly proclaim sweet nothings into it. I would always wonder why on earth would a guy with a wedding band on have to phone in sweet nothings at seven in the morning to his wife that he just left. He did this every day.

I was discussing it over with a friend and she suggested that he was talking to his mistress. Think about it, it’s the only time of the day where he is unaccounted for, yet accounted for. He can tell his wife that train etiquette doesn’t allow for him to talk on the phone. However, if he isn’t in the quiet car and doesn’t mind pissing off a few coffee deprived people, he can chat it up with the mistress and no one would know the wiser.

A few weeks of having to endear rides of sweet nothings, over heard from a few seats over, I hear what I would say is sh*t hitting the fan!

“What do you mean they said they saw us out?” Long pause. “They are going to give my wife a heart attack! This can’t go on! This has to end now…” he goes on loudly in a panicked voice. It seems as though Mistress Phone Guy doesn’t just chit chat with his mistress. He takes her out and now someone he knows has spotted him with her.

The next day I sit down and he isn’t on the phone. I figured he ended things the day before so I can finally read my book in peace. Not the case. His phone rings. He fumbles to pick it up quickly. PS. Who leaves their ring on on the train? Put it on vibrate! Moving on- “Hello?” he answers almost questioning the caller. His face grows furious! “Listen! I told you it was over. We have been spotted and my wife will have a heart attack if she finds out. We weren’t careful enough and now it has to end.” He hangs up the phone and everyone is looking at him like he has six heads. Who is this guy and why is he airing his dirty laundry out on the train in front of strangers?

The phone rings again. “Listen to me! We are OVER! OHHH-VEEE-EEEEE-ARRRE OVER! You got that? If you don’t leave me alone, I will call the police. I mean it!” he hangs up again and the phone rings. He hits ignore.

Mistress Phone Guy has been sulking the last few weeks. I really think once this blows over he will find a new mistress that is “more discrete” but only time will tell.

Cardless Entry- A Free Ride on MBTA

So, last night for the third consecutive business day in a row, my card was rejected on my way  home. It said "Card Already Used. See Agent" Well, I have a monthly pass which means I have unlimited rides on the commuter rail and T throughout the month. I looked around for an "Agent" and there was  no one. Aggravated because there aren't agents at this entry and I'd have to walk another three or so blocks to an entry that had agents, I waited until someone else went through the gate and walked in behind them.

When I got to North Station, I saw agents! I walked up to them and said "My card in the evenings, doesn't allow me to go through the gate. In the morning it does, but not at night." One agent says "Well, your card allows you to go through once every twenty minutes." I replied that I went through at 8am and now it's 5pm. It's been longer than twenty minutes. The agent told me to see an agent and they will let me through as long as I show them my card. I asked how we could fix this  problem because every evening I go through a spot with no agents. Another agent stepped in and said "That's when you ride on someones coat tails through the gate. Just wave your card up toward the direction of the camera."

Really? Did an MBTA Agent just tell me to go through on someones coat tails? No wonder MBTA is in debt up to their eye balls. What if I didn't have a monthly pass and I had a pass that removes money off my card with each swipe, I could wave it at the camera but they aren't getting money off that card. Really? MBTA is giving out free rides when they are in debt beyond belief? Unreal.

Incognito Next Week!

Geeeeee-Sus people! I will say this one more time… If you live in New England you can’t be afraid of the snow! If you are afraid to drive in the snow, carpool with someone that isn’t. I’d like to also point out that during rush hour if you are out for a jaunt in the car, you have picked the wrong time and need to do your jaunts between the hours of 10am and 3pm or 7pm and 4am.

This morning on the way to the train a guy in a Murano cut me off and was either afraid of the snow or was out for a morning jaunt. Either way, he made me late for the train. I kept thinking that there was no way I was going to make it. However, I got to the train station and the train was pulling up. I parked in the first parking spot I saw and ran from the back side of the parking lot. I was going to make an honest effort to make that train since it was in site.

I grabbed my things; made sure the e-break was on, and took off toward the train. My coffee was absolutely shaken, not stirred! I ran up the stairs to the over pass and made eye contact with the conductor on the platform. I was starting to feel like I was hyperventilating. Running to the train in chic snow boots and the abominable snow man jacket is not the greatest running outfit. I slowed down on the stairs because they were icy and was completely shocked that they held the train up a whole 30 seconds just for me! I thought for sure they would take off with out me.

I get to the bottom of the steps and told the conductor “Thank you!” as I jumped into the train. She replies “Next time run faster!” I hear her voice and realize that, oh crap, she is a new conductor. I just pissed off the new conductor. The old conductor liked me and knew I was always punctual so holding the train every once in a while was fine. This lady could have taken off with out me and now I wish she did. AND run faster? What? Really? I was a gymnast for 17 years! I did my “vaulting run way” sprint all the way from the back end of the parking lot while holding my back pack, purse, coffee and a cake! I only slowed down on the stairs so I didn’t kill myself on the ice.

Well, I hope this new conductor forgives me. She gave me the evil eye when she checked my ticket! I am either going to have to dress incognito next week or go in a different train car. EEK!!  

Click below for Incognito Kit!

My Disguise for Next Week

A Few Bulleted Updates-

• I saw Fat Bastard in the grocery store this week. She was buying the microwave popcorn that pops into individual bowls! Not only does she get her trough of popcorn at the train station for her ride home, she needs it at home too!
• Shapes-Ups Chick does own shoes other than Shape-Ups! Today in the storm she wore chic winter boots! I was so proud.
• I haven't seen El Creepo in a while which isn't a bad thing!
• Gentle Giant is still flirting on the platform.
• Chef Boyardee missed the train today.

Cash is King

In a debit and credit society that we now live in, we often find ourselves carrying no cash at all. However, when in that one situation where debit or credit is not accepted, you find yourself in quite a jam. Please take note people that yes it is convenient to purchase your train ticket after you board the train. Especially when you are making a mad dash for it like I typically do. However, when you are on the train, it takes off and you’re ready to purchase said ticket with a debit or credit card, you are screwed. Train conductors only accept cash! During rush hour, the price of the ticket is raised by $2 for a “convenience fee” for purchasing it on board. If you purchase your ticket at the ticket counter prior to boarding the train you A. get to use your debit or credit card and B. you don’t have to pay that $2 convenience fee even during rush hour.

The other day on the train the conductor announced “This is the 530pm train to Lowell making stops at…… please note that all tickets bought on board will have a $2 surcharge….”

The girl in front of me started to panic as the train is pulling away from the terminal. She only had exactly the cash that would get her from point A. to point B. She didn’t have this extra $2. She pulled out her credit card to fix the problem only to find out that she couldn’t use her card on board. The person next to her happened to be her mom and threw two bucks her way. The girl turned to her mom and said "I would have been screwed if you weren't here. She would have kicked me off at the stop my money could take me to." the mother trying to teach her daughter something said "She shouldn't have had to kick you off at the point your money could take you to. What if that stop didn't have a ticket counter open or an ATM. If I wasn't here, I hope you would ask 'What is the next stop that has an open ticket counter? Or What is the next stop with an ATM?' If you go as far as your money will take you, you could be dropped in the middle of no where with no money and no way to get out of there!" Now there's a smart mom!!

Don't rely on those debit or credit cards while traveling. You never know what situation will arise when you can only use cash. I always make sure I have a $20 stashed away for situations like this. I have found that $20 can usually get me out of a bind or at least buy me time before I have to go to an ATM.

While debit and credit are always convenient sometimes cash is king and there is no way around it!