There Could Be Many Mistress Phone Guys!

Mistress Phone Guy continues to be my leading blog post ever and still, by a land slide. I even threw out a follow up of a semi description of him to ease the wondering minds of many. It didn't become clear to me until reading a few articles as to why so many woman would think their man is cheating on them. In a survey of Ashley Madison subscribers (For those of you who don't know what Ashley Madison is- "Ashley Madison is the online personals & dating destination for casual encounters, married dating, discreet encounters and extramarital affairs"-sad but true), Boston ranked 7th in the country. This survey measured membership by region, population and per capita. (Full Story Here). They even break it down further by neighborhood in Boston (Click to see Boston Neighborhood Rank). This absolutely blows my mind. I am very glad I do not live in one of these neighborhoods.

(Picture from AshleyMadison)

A Mistress Update

Some of you may remember a post a while back “Meet Mistress Phone Guy”. Well, I never anticipated how much impact this post would have. It has become, by a land slide, my NUMBER ONE read post! It’s either woman freaking out that their Lowell line commuter rail riding husband is “THE” Mistress Phone Guy or it is men getting tips on how to disregard train etiquette by taking that time on the ride in or out of the city to talk to their mistresses. I believe it is the former rather than the latter.

Either way, the original Mistress Phone Guy has been quiet ever since I posted my post. He’s been sulking each morning… ok maybe not sulking but he is quiet in his seat mindlessly looking out the train window. He probably doesn’t have a mistress anymore. In my previous post I predicted he may find a more discrete one but I truly don’t think he has. I think he learned his lesson. So ladies, 99.9 percent of the guys on the Lowell line are probably innocent of having a mistress and I feel bad if I freaked you out. It’s most likely not your man. To put you at ease without giving away his identity, he’s got to be in his 60’s. If your man isn’t in his 60’s, breathe easy!

Meet Mistress Phone Guy

For a while every morning on my way into the city, I’d some how manage to sit near who I call, Mistress Phone Guy. His phone would ring and he would pick it up and loudly proclaim sweet nothings into it. I would always wonder why on earth would a guy with a wedding band on have to phone in sweet nothings at seven in the morning to his wife that he just left. He did this every day.

I was discussing it over with a friend and she suggested that he was talking to his mistress. Think about it, it’s the only time of the day where he is unaccounted for, yet accounted for. He can tell his wife that train etiquette doesn’t allow for him to talk on the phone. However, if he isn’t in the quiet car and doesn’t mind pissing off a few coffee deprived people, he can chat it up with the mistress and no one would know the wiser.

A few weeks of having to endear rides of sweet nothings, over heard from a few seats over, I hear what I would say is sh*t hitting the fan!

“What do you mean they said they saw us out?” Long pause. “They are going to give my wife a heart attack! This can’t go on! This has to end now…” he goes on loudly in a panicked voice. It seems as though Mistress Phone Guy doesn’t just chit chat with his mistress. He takes her out and now someone he knows has spotted him with her.

The next day I sit down and he isn’t on the phone. I figured he ended things the day before so I can finally read my book in peace. Not the case. His phone rings. He fumbles to pick it up quickly. PS. Who leaves their ring on on the train? Put it on vibrate! Moving on- “Hello?” he answers almost questioning the caller. His face grows furious! “Listen! I told you it was over. We have been spotted and my wife will have a heart attack if she finds out. We weren’t careful enough and now it has to end.” He hangs up the phone and everyone is looking at him like he has six heads. Who is this guy and why is he airing his dirty laundry out on the train in front of strangers?

The phone rings again. “Listen to me! We are OVER! OHHH-VEEE-EEEEE-ARRRE OVER! You got that? If you don’t leave me alone, I will call the police. I mean it!” he hangs up again and the phone rings. He hits ignore.

Mistress Phone Guy has been sulking the last few weeks. I really think once this blows over he will find a new mistress that is “more discrete” but only time will tell.