There Could Be Many Mistress Phone Guys!

Mistress Phone Guy continues to be my leading blog post ever and still, by a land slide. I even threw out a follow up of a semi description of him to ease the wondering minds of many. It didn't become clear to me until reading a few articles as to why so many woman would think their man is cheating on them. In a survey of Ashley Madison subscribers (For those of you who don't know what Ashley Madison is- "Ashley Madison is the online personals & dating destination for casual encounters, married dating, discreet encounters and extramarital affairs"-sad but true), Boston ranked 7th in the country. This survey measured membership by region, population and per capita. (Full Story Here). They even break it down further by neighborhood in Boston (Click to see Boston Neighborhood Rank). This absolutely blows my mind. I am very glad I do not live in one of these neighborhoods.

(Picture from AshleyMadison)

Things People Do Attempting to Catch Their Train

I have seen some pretty amusing things as people try desperately to catch the train. Myself, being one of them. Here are some tactics I have seen:

Fashion Road Kill-

This person ran in an attempt to catch a commuter rail train with her friend. She was in heals and her friend was in, what I call “commuter shoes” (stylish flats). The friend starts running and says they can make it. The girl in heals says “I don’t know how you do this every day.” Immediately after she says this, she loses her balance and falls flat on her face. Like road kill, people swerved around her to miss her as they were also running for the same train. Her friend turns back to get her and the fashion road kill girl says “Go! You still have a shot at making it.” I felt like I was living a rail road version of Titanic or something. The friend stayed behind and missed the train with her. I was happy her friend didn’t just ditch out on her and leave her to get trampled at the train station.

Barefoot Runner-

This person can obviously not make the train running in the shoes they are wearing so they remove their shoes and run barefoot to catch the train. The other day someone coming out of the T realized they weren’t making the train in the shoes they were in so they removed them, ran through the T station, ran on the sidewalk and then ran through the train station. I hope they had sanitizer in their purse because those feet must have been nasty.

Bull Fighting Jack Ass-

You’ve read about this guy before. He see that there is no room on the train for him but he needs to get on so he charges at the door opening at full speed hoping that the impact will free up some space.

Bull in a China Shop-

This person is on a mission. They need to get on that train no matter who is in their way. If you’re in their way, watch out. I have had two Bull in a China Shop people behind me on two different occasions. One body slammed me into a wall and the other threw my down the escalator which got my foot stuck in the metal. So, beware of these ones. They come from behind and out of no where.

The Phoebe-

This was me this morning. The train pulled into the station two minutes early as I was getting out of my car at the opposite end of the parking. We’ve all seen the Friends episode where Rachael and Phoebe are running through Central Park and Phoebe runs like a nut (and if you haven't you can click here). Well, that was me. I had white pants on and couldn’t spill my coffee so I had to run like Phoebe with my arm sticking straight out so I didn’t get any coffee on my pants. I looked ridiculous.

Strict No Run Policy-

Others have a strict no run for public transit policy. They don’t want to look stupid or plow anyone over. They won’t do it no matter what. Even if it means waiting for that next train.

Wheelie’s-

This person has an extra set of wheels on them be it a razor, a skateboard, wheelie shoes… they are equipped to roll. One day in the parking lot some guy whipped out a skate board and he definitely beat me to the train! I contemplated getting a razor to show him up but then I’d have to carry it around all day.

Fat Bastard Is Gonna Be Pissed!

The MBTA is seeking bids on retail space. There is a catch- The T is prohibiting the sale of Popcorn (among other things) in these prime retail locations. The T Spokesperson says the T is all set with popcorn because "too much of it ends up on seats and floors of subway cars." Perhaps Fat Bastard is the demise to her own vice...flailing popcorn, salt and grease, is enough to get it taken away for good! I wonder if the already operating popcorn stands will remain in business. I am hoping they don't  for the sake of my dry cleaning bill.

Get the full story here

Good Ol' Reliable

This morning I wanted to sleep in soo bad. It was a busy weekend and sleep would have been greatly appreciated. I know it was an action packed weekend when my alarm goes off and my dog doesn't pester me to get on our walk pronto! She was exhausted by our trip up to Bike Week and visiting with family. I hit snooze and went back to sleep for a whopping six minutes. When my alarm went off again, my dog finally did her attempt to get up. She tried to jump in the bed and completely missed. That's one exhausted puppy. We both got ready for our walk and started the day. After an action packed weekend, I will sometimes catch the later train. It's an express train instead of making all the stops so I get into the city at a reasonable time. I like to catch the earlier train because I get to my office before anyone else which gives me time to get things done before the busy day starts. I wanted to catch that later train so bad today... and I got my wish, except, I got to the train station on time for the early train.

I get to the landing with a few minutes to spare. I  look up at the scrolling screen which usually does a count down for the next train but instead I see a scrolling message that says to tune in to a radio station for more details. I think "They only show that when the train is really late." Just as I think that, the train I'm supposed to get on blows right by the train station. Good Ol' Reliable train system to get me to the office when I want to be there. I figure they will send a back up train shortly. I whip out my phone and look over my Facebook feed. It works out I guess because I haven't really checked the feed since Friday and I have some catching up to do. A few minutes later, the Downeaster rolls into the station and stops. I think it's so nice of them to stop and pick us up for the commuter rail... but just as I am looking for a door that is open and a conductor to greet us, the train takes off.

I look to the scrolling screen for an update and all it says is to go to the radio station to get information. Who has walk men anymore? I can't pick up a radio station from where I'm standing. Especially an AM station and I wasn't about to trek back to my car to hear why the train is late because with my luck, while I'm at my car listening, the train would pull in and I'd miss it.

I continue scrolling through Facebook to kill the time. A train finally pulls in a few minutes after 8am. The train I so desperately wanted to take this morning was the 8:05am train. I should have gone with my instinct and just slept in a little. Happy Monday everyone. I hope your days started off smoother than mine.

50 Shades of What?

Last night coming home on the train, I had to catch an earlier train because of an appointment. This train was packed! I went all the way to the back of the train and finally found a seat in a foursome where two seats faced each other. I sat down with my bags on my lap because we had zero room but I’m not complaining because at least I was sitting.

The girl across from me is reading a book and I notice she is becoming very fidgety. Crossing her legs, uncrossing them, adjusting her pants, re-crossing her legs. I thought it was odd that someone would be that fidgety. I don’t think much of it until I look at the book she is reading… A paperback copy of 50 Shades of Grey. Ok people…this is a book that you either download to your Kindle, put a paper cover over it old school style or  read that book from the comfort of your own home!

When I see you reading a book labeled by various forms of media as “Mommy Porn” I have to think it’s a bit riskee to be reading it on the train. I think I’d  be caught off guard noticing a man reading a Hustler on the train wouldn't you?

El Sick-o Looked Up My Dress!

So, forget about El Creep-o. We have a new El- Sick-o at the train station in the mornings. This morning I was walking over the over pass to get to the train platform when I noticed a guy staring up at me at just the right angle. My sunglasses were not over my eyes and were on the top of my head so I was able to give him a look of death when I realized he was at just the right angle to look up my dress. Sick-o! He didn’t even have sunglasses on so I knew where his eyes were going. I quickly switched to the other side of the over pass after giving him that look of death! When I came down to the bottom of the stairs, I went to where he was standing and looked up. There wasn’t anyone wearing a skirt at that time so I was good. However, had someone been wearing a skirt, I probably would have seen exactly what he saw confirming that he is in fact a sick-o! I hope you enjoyed your view of polka dot full coverage granny panties this morning you sick-o! This is why you never wear a thong with a dress! HUH!

Black, Blue and Purple

This weekend was my bachelorette party. Absolutely amazing time! I did however, manage go get a few bruises. One in particular is on the inside of my knee. It’s huge and it’s black, blue and purple. Of course today I wear a skirt. I looked all professional in my black skirt suit (until you see my knee).  

A man comes up to me and asks to sit in my seat as I am scrolling through pictures on Facebook of my party that people posted last night. He looks at my knee and says “Are you a cyclist?” I am confused and wonder what on earth would make this guy think I am a cyclist. My legs are not that muscular. I reply “No. Why?” he says “I get bruises like that on the inside of my knee’s all the time when I’m trying to go up a big hill and I bang the inside of my knee on the frame.” He glances down at my phone and it’s a picture of my friend and me hanging off a pole in not-so-professional clothes.  I look up and go “I work out.” And he replies “Ok. I’m not judging. I swear. I’m not judging.” Great! Now I have to sit next to this guy for another twenty minutes while clearly he sits there and DOES judge me.

To break the silence the guy says “Do you have an aunt that works at MIT? You look just like this woman I know. She could be your aunt… or mother. She is in her 60’s and your mannerisms and complexion is very similar to hers.” I say “No, I don’t have an aunt that works at MIT.” Then he says “I met her 20 years ago and you look just like she did when I met her.” OK, do the math… 60 minus 20 is 40! Really buddy, did you just call me 40?? Anywho, it was an awkward ride in this morning. Happy Monday Ladies and Gentlemen!