Start and End in my Seat

This morning, I took the T. I hop on and there is a man with special needs sitting down. He looks at me and smiles. The train is full and no seats are available. He stands up and offers me his seat because I am a lady. I melted. I just about cried. I told him I was ok to stand and he insisted that I sit...so I sat. Such a sweet and kind gesture.

Fast forward to this evening. I am getting on the commuter train with a shopping bag, work bag and purse. Seating was limited. I get to my seat and take a few seconds to get off my back pack after I put my shopping bag and purse down. Usually people wait behind you because they will get the next seat available because the flow is almost always going the same way. Well, the woman behind me pushes me into my seat before I could even get situated. Either she doesn't know train etiquette or she is a miserable piece of sh*t. I am going to assume the latter. It took all I had not to pummel her with my shopping bag (that one would have had the most force/effect) while my inner thoughts are falalala la-f*cking-la! But then I remembered the guy this morning and rose above that dumb miserable b*th because I will not stoop to that level...especially when I see most of these people every day.

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and remember to rise about the a*shats out there!

Falalala lalalala!

Happy Thanksgiving! You Should Go on a Cruise!

I’m back! This morning, I decided to take the T instead of walk. I hop on and this guy immediately starts talking to me about how we have to wear hats and scarves and mittens now and how winter came quick. He then segwayed into how he hopes there is no snow on December 18^th because on December 18^th, he and his wife are going on a cruise. “Christmas Day I’ll be in my bikini!” he says awaiting my laugh. “Once you do a cruise you’ll never go back. “ This guy should have been the spokesperson for ALL cruise lines! “You load a prepaid card with money and you don’t worry about money all week. You just swipe and swipe and swipe and everything is paid for…everything…” 2 stops later I am happy to get off at State but he follows me! “Don’t book in advance, book as close as you can get and don’t get a box. Get a balcony!” he says as if he is giving away his secrets! Finally he is going to the Blue line and I am going to the street. “Happy Thanksgiving! Thanks for the tips!” I say as I walk off and wave. 

STOP F*CKING STALKING ME!

This has nothing to do with the train. NOTHING. BUT, I am venting. Venting about this sh*tty a*s world of dating. I go on a date, he tells me he’s married still and hasn’t filed for divorce. I say, I am not going to date someone still with their WIFE! He wants to be my “friend”.

So, here is my public service announcement:

Please be advised that this is not Nineteen Eighty-What-the-f*ck-ever! Arriving at a woman’s home unannounced in a 1989 Blue Chevy Malibu wearing a trench coat and a boombox is NOT romantic!! NOT AT ALL! It’s creepy…especially if she lives ALONE!

OK, OK… this guy actually, after he text and I responded with “Don’t come over!” and then texts to “call me” and I say I don’t want a conversation tonight, showed up in a white BMW with a dozen roses and a poem and proceeded to ring my doorbell a few times, getting my dog all riled up and flipping out at the doors while I hid in the middle of my house in my guest bedroom because I could easily jump out that window if I had to because I didn’t know what door he was ringing the doorbell from…front or back. I huddled on the guest bed whispering into the phone to my friend as my heart raced. He messaged a little while later that he was leaving me something and he was leaving. I hung up with my friend and since it was 9:30 at night, whatever the heck he left me could wait until the morning! I messaged two other friends and they urged me to call the police which I did. They showed up and surveyed the property. Found my roses and my poem for me and took notes and promised to monitor the house after they left for the rest of the night. Last night, I made sure all my dead bolts were secured, made sure every door and window had the alarm armed and then went to bed with my pepper spray, phone, car keys and a HAMMER under my pillow that my dad got me for Christmas for “home ownership responsibilities” NOT for whacking people…but I didn’t have a Louisville Slugger sooo this was the next best thing. Oh… and my very big dog close by!

The police also called him to tell him to leave me alone. What does he do after that call… message me asking if I’m still up. Clearly I ignored it as he ignored the polices request to leave me the f*ck alone. This morning, I get an “apology text” and I state that I appreciate the apology. However, don’t contact me anymore. What does he do… RESPONDs by putting the blame of my reaction on someone other than himself! Asking me to talk to my friends and family about the situation. BUT to ultimately, do what makes me happy!

Um, ultimately right now what would make me happy is if you get out of my face!

So there you go boys and girls! It’s not romantic! Not even one bit! It’s creepy. It gets the police called and all I wanted last night was to relax! That was all. Instead I got an anxiety attack, police surveying my property and reports to fill out.

Also, what’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? That would be… the PRICK is on the inside of the BMW!  

He Sh*t Himself

Hello Friends,
Saturday was a day of bliss. I had a one hour massage, walked over to the North End and got the best slice of pizza ever, went to the Otis House for a gorgeous tour and then, on my way home was wondering what it was that I was smelling-slash-gagging on. Well... here you go ladies and gentlemen. Compliments of this high-stoned-drunk MBTA passenger who probably didn't even know he had sh*t himself because he looked at me, smiled from ear to ear and winked at me (was he flirting with me.... sick!)  before turning to show off his back side.  Good thing I had scented anti bac gel so I could throw it on my hands and then cover my nose with said hands while I hoped and prayed this guy did not lose his footing!!!
Have a great week y'all!!

Happy Flippin Friday!

Today was going pretty well until... I got notification that there was police action in Chelsea and my train was delayed...then canceled. I check out my options. I can take the bus all the way from my office to my doorstep and that will take an hour and a half and that isn't including traffic!! Oorrr I could take the blue line to a bus and then have the bus drop me 0.7 miles away from my place. The blue line/bus option supposedly will take less time so I chance it. This would not be so bad except for the fact that I am a fricken bag lady. I walked through Haymarket this morning and got apples, strawberries and asparagus. Bags, bags bags. PS Apples are heavy and I know this buttttt I wanted Apples so I got Apples. Then on my lunch break, I went shopping. CVS for essentials. Poshmark for not exactly essentials, Bath and Body because. .. why not? ! More bags, bags bags! Now, on the commuter rail not a huge problem. There is a storage bin overhead. The T...The bus...Not so much. So now, I'm the freaking bag lady toting my many bags all around just to get home. Why didn't I Uber you might ask. Well... because it is surge pricing and traffic... so no bueno! I had an offer for a ride too but they were already out of the city and I'd feel bad making them come back to get me so... here's hoping I (and my bags) get home in one piece and in a timely manner!! Please Please Pretty Please!!!!!!!

Don’t Poke Me!

Last Friday, I had a short day at work and then went over to the ICA. After I was done, I could hop on the Blue line to the bus or I could wait an hour for the commuter rail. I chose to hop on the Blue line and hoped for the best.

I get on at State Street and head towards Wonderland. I am surprised at how packed it is. I end up standing in front of a couple that is sitting. The guy looks up and says to me “You’re so cute, I just want to poke you!” and then…pokes me in the stomach. The woman is horrified!! I laugh it off and then ask where they are from (because no Bostonian is going to poke my abs!) They are from Rochester, NY and were heading to Reno’s because they saw it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives! Which now reminds me…my dad and I need to go there because he saw it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives! As we get to their stop the guy asks if he can adopt me because I’m so darn cute and could they take me to lunch and pretend I’m their daughter? Not sure what to say, I laugh it off again until finally the T stops and the doors open to let them off! FEW!

Fast forward to Tuesday of this week: I get into North Station on the commuter rail and decide that I’m not walking in the rain! I take the Orange line to State instead. I get on and obviously because it is raining, it is packed! A little old man is next to me- slash- in front of me (it was an odd angle). I am surprised that no one offered him a seat. He stands and doesn’t make a fuss until the doors open at Haymarket. No one gets off but a few people push their way on. This girl pushed her way in knocking this guy completely over and forcing him to pretty much do a trust fall into my arms. As I hold the poor guy up he screams “HEY!! HEYYYY!” I push him upright and he stands again not looking back and that’s when I turned around, rolled my eyes at another passenger who rolled their eyes at me first and faced the other direction so that poor old men don’t fall into my arms again!

Welcome to my commuter life!

What a WEEEEK!

This week has been interesting…

Monday… nothing the train did but I was cranky that morning and if I had thought bubbles coming out of my head, I would have been screwed!

"OMG! Who are you? Pepe Le Pew’s girl friend? Who leaves the house like that?” I thought as I walked behind a woman with brunet mullet with a blondish grey strip down the middle.  PS She thought she looked so cool! Um, no! The 90’s called and they want their mullet back!

“Who the hell sleeps with you? You’re nasty!” I think about a man waddling like a god damn weeble down the platform.

“Hurry the f*ck up people!” I complain in my head about the wide eyed tourists that have never seen a freakin’ train station EVER… in their LIFE! It’s a train station! No big deal people!! Move along people!

Tuesday… Again… nothing the train did! I left work and hit the T toward North Station. Once I arrive on the orange line, I’ve got to pop out and cross the street. I have maybeeeee 3 minutes to get on the train. Everyone is running! We round the corner and to head through the doors to the station and OH WAIT… there is an 18 wheeler blocking EVERY DOOR!! No problem buddy. Just hang tight; we don’t need to catch a train or ANYTHING!!!!! He inches up and we are all kinda jogging in place to see which way we can go to get around this guy and to a door. We decide to make a run for it behind him and hope for the best. After running around and prancing through the doors, we have 1 minute… ONE MINUTE to get onto the platform and board the train. That is IT! Chances are slim right now but we are all running. I get to the platform and the conductor is calling “All Aboard!” I make it and he slams the door behind me as I catch my breath! PHEW!

Wednesday… I cram onto the T to get to North Station and we are packed like sardines. The guy behind me somehow grabs my a*s! I'm on to you pal! The train wasn't even moving yet sooooo you have no excuse! NONE! I do my best "Oopsy, is there someone behind me" hip chuck-slash-elbow to his gut and stomped on his foot for good measure. He said nothing and knew it was deserved. A*shole!  

Thursday… Trains fault! Mechanical issues! I get to the platform heading in to work and get an alert. It is 25 minutes late. Since I live around the corner, I head home to spend 15 minutes with my dog and then come back. I get home and my dog acts as if I was gone ALL DAY LONG! I was gone 10 minutes…tops! I give her a cookie and we play for a bit and then I leave and it’s as if it’s the end of the world to her…again because I already did this to her once today. I get to the platform and there are so many people there. I start to wonder if I’ll get a seat. The train pulls up and everyone boards. I chat with the train conductor and she tells me that there is another one about 10 minutes behind but she thinks I have a shot at getting a seat on this one. I take her word for it and she is right! I get a seat and I get to read and relax on my way in. YAY!

It’s almost Friday people!! Thank goodness because it has been a WEEEEEEEK!!

Online Dating & Emotional Cheating

A few months back I tried the online dating thing. There are some weirdo’s out there…and today I encountered one of them! I took my profile down because I had had enough of 200 messages a day, marriage proposals from strangers, harassment from STRANGERS that think that 50 Shades of online dating was what I wanted, and messages from married couples asking me if I’d date them …the list goes on. There was a guy that stood out to me that I thought was really nice. He was tall and a redhead! I mean…the red hair alone stands out and we’d chatted online every day for a bit. Suddenly he didn’t return my message (and since I’m not crazy and don’t chase people, and the ball was in his court, I didn’t message again. I let it go!)

Today, a few months after that last message, I’m getting on the train and I notice this tall redhead with glasses sitting in a seat with an empty seat beside him. I immediately recognize him AS I’m sitting down…like mid-sit. I try to play it cool and then I look down and see HE HAS A WEDDING RING ON!! A WEDDING RING!! I look at him dead in the eyes with my “You’re a f*ckface” death look. My butt doesn’t even touch the seat and I get up and find another seat…which I almost immediately regret because there weren’t many seats and I had to go a ways down to get one…but FINE… the further away from him the better.

So, here is my question…technically he didn’t cheat. Maybe it’s called emotional cheating! Is it fair for him to A. emotionally cheat on his wife by claiming he is single on an online dating site and B. Waste a woman’s time who truly wants a relationship and chatted with him for clearly… NOTHING?!?

I'll Just Pick Up My Dignity Now

Last night, I am walking to the train and enter the train station when I realize it is 5:14. My train leaves at 5:15pm. I pick up the pace and start off toward the track. I am talking on my phone. I have my ear bud in (only one ear! Never two. I always need to hear my surroundings too). My purse is a hand bag with an attachable cross body strap for when my hands are full and… I had my hands full. I was carrying my cake carrier from an office birthday that was empty (thankfully) in one hand and a seltzer in the other.

Anyway, I have my phone stashed in my purse as I gab away and hustle for the train. I reach the platform and it looks like the conductor is still letting people on. As soon as I hit the platform, my cross body strap unhooks and the contents of my purse go everywhere as my purse falls to the ground and rips my ear bud out of my ear. My phone, had it not been attached to the ear buds and the ear buds somehow wrapped around my feet now, would have gone flying into the tracks. I start screaming at my rouge phone “JUST A MINUTE!!” The call dropped anyways but the conductor thought I was yelling at him like “Oh, Just a minute! Hold the train while I just pick up the contents of my purse…oh and my dignity as everyone watches after they have all gasped! The conductor screams back “OK but hurry up!”

I pick up everything and enter the train with my purse, seltzer, cake carrier, make up, phone, ear buds…everything rolled up in some sort of ball that is miraculously staying together while I try to find a seat. The last thing I want to do is request a middle seat because my ball of belongings would go rouge again. I find a B*TCH with her bag on the outside seat of a 2 seater. I nicely request her to move the bags so I can sit. She pretends she can’t hear me so I request again. She huffs and moves the bags. (PS! There is a special place in hell for people who put their bags on the seat during rush hour and actually think they will have the seat to themselves the entire way!)

I sit down and try to put back the contents of my purse and hope…hope hope… that I have everything! I do! PHEW! But it was all sprinkled with seltzer now! Small price to pay for making the train I suppose!!

ANNDD Now it’s Friday so yay for that!!!

Or Are You Too Stupid?

This morning I decided to take the T? Why? Because I wore shoes that I thought would be comfy on my errands on Saturday and instead of being comfy, they gave me blisters so I’m trying to eliminate walking at great lengths until my poor feet are no longer on the mend.

I wait at North Station and when the train arrives, I get on and there is a gap down the side that no one in filling in. I don’t say anything as I am not affected. It turns out to be a nonissue. That is, until we get to Haymarket.

The doors open and no one gets off but people need to get on. One guy tries to get on and he fits but his back pack doesn’t. One guy yells “Can you move down? Why are we not moving down?” The girl responsible for initiating the move down, who does not have anything interfering with her hearing does absolutely nothing but look at her feet.

The poor guy gets off the train and tries another door. He ends up not being able to get on the train which angers a woman by the door that witnessed this poor guy having to wait because no one moved down.  “HEY! Can you move down or are you TOO STUPID to get that you have to move down to let people on?”

The girl responsible for filling in the gap again just stands there and someone nudges her as the angered woman yells some more “THAT’S IT! SHE IS TOO STUPID!!!”

The girl now gets it and moves down as she apologizes in perfect English. At first I was wondering if she was either not understanding English or deaf but I guess she was just in a morning daze.  This happens when… after the doors close and it’s too late for this poor guy on the platform to get on.

Happy Monday Everyone!

OMG THE T!

Omg! I forgot what it was like to take the T since it has been a while since I took it during rush hour.

It all began when I am about to leave my office but the phone rings and this person wants to gab. I don't mind gabbing but not when I am trying to catch my train.  I literally walk out the door 2 minutes late and my commute home is blown.

Instead of running in this horrible air quality that I was advised to stay away from and stay in doors, I opt for the T and hope for the best.  This usually gets me to north station a little quicker but today...no such luck. I wait for 7 minutes which is the time on the screen that it should take to arrive. Oh but guess what. .. 7 minutes turns in to 10. On top of that, people are now piling up on the platform.

The T arrives and it is packed.  A few get off and I am in the front of the pack that is trying to board.  From behind,  I am shoved into the doorway. I have no where to go but into people.  I tell the girl that I am now shoving (chain reaction) that I am soo sorry and that it is coming from behind. Seriously! What is wrong with people? We are in Boston not Japan. This is not acceptable here!!

I finally am on and situated and not pushing anyone over. We start and stop again at Haymarket. Guess what? Someone behind me needs to get off so i get off to let them off. When I got to get back on, I am shoved once again!! Seriously? I get that you have places to go but what gives you the right to shove me into people? I am not weak by any imagination but I am weak compared to the 250 person behind me trying to get on!!

Finally the guard steps in and tells him he needs to stay behind the yellow line.She didn't say 'Stop body slamming this lady.' Nope... stand behind the line. Whatever. He finally let up and the doors closed.

I am now on the 540 train home. 25 minutes after the train I usually get but whatever. .. I made it to the train unharmed  (I think...I bruise easily so tomorrow won't be a surprise if I have some bruise on the back of my leg...we shall see). And did youdo the math?  I left work 2 minutes late and am now 25 plus minutes behind.

It's almost Friday people. ALMOST! !!!

Fist Full of Hair

I'm ordering lunch in the concourse of Grand Central. After I pay, I am tugged back by my hair. Some weirdo behind me had a fist full of my hair and was smelling it. Um, get your f*cking nose out of my hair! I don't know youuuuu!

That is all! New York, I still love you!

Lock the Fekking Door

Omg! Omfg! I'm heading to New Jersey today on the Amtrak. As we approach Penn Station, I decide I should pee before everyone gets off, everyone gets on. I run back to the restroom and see that the light is not on so I open the door wide open. What do I find? What the fek to I find? Oh I'll tell you what I found. I found a woman buck a*s naked bending over trying to get something off the floor with her a*s hanging out in the breeze staring right at me! Oh but not only I saw this... the seats facing the bathroom door also got a show and were dying with laughter. I slammed the door so quickly that it flew open again and so I, being my good self ran after the rogue door and closed it again for her. I don't even know if she realized what was going on because there was zero effort to cover up her a*s flapping in the train breeze!

A man came out of the other restroom and I flew in there so fast to avoid a run in with this woman just hanging out for all to see. I took my time in there so that I wouldn't have to see her and when I came out, the people in the cheap seats to the bare a*s show instructed me the coast was clear and I b-lined it back to my seat!

Happy Monday Y'all!!

Making Friends with the Staff?

This has nothing to do with the train but I am peeved! I was coming back to the office from a meeting and I was greeted by a security guard I see every day. A woman in front of me stepped through the gates to the elevator banks and now it was my turn.  She ignores the security guard and goes on about her business. As I am going through the gates to the elevator bank he says “How are you today? Have a good lunch?” I respond “Hey! How is your day going? Are you in tomorrow?” Tomorrow is a holiday for some so I’ve been asking. It is usually a good conversation starter before a holiday.

We chat for a second and the elevator comes. “I’ll see you later Stephan!” I say to him as I get on the elevator with this woman.

The doors close and she says “Making friends with the staff are we?”

I looked at her and was floored. Staff? Really! Yes, they work for our building but they protect us and greet us every single day! “I see him every day. They are all so very nice! Why wouldn’t I talk to the security guards? They are great people.” I say in my nicest, bubbly, happy voice.

She looked at her feet for the rest of the elevator ride. HA!

I think it speaks volumes about people when, because someone with a lesser job than they have, speaks poorly to them or flat out ignores them or poopoo’s on people for being nice to them. I was taught that you treat everyone with the same amount of respect regardless of their job title. From CEO to Janitor… SAME RESPECT! SAME INTEGRITY! 

 

THAT IS ALL! I hope everyone enjoys the holiday weekend!

Spring is Obviosly Here! No?

This morning I woke up to a few inches of snow. Not bad at all after the big hype! I get ready for work and as I’m bundled up in my abominable snowman jacket, I read my emails on the off chance that there could be a delay because I don’t want to stand on the platform… in the snow… with my back pack…my purse AND a box full of 18 Mint Chocolate Brownie parfaits that I made for an office birthday (Uphill BOTH WAYS… yes that needed to be added for good measure!)

The emails keep coming! One train is canceled. The next has mechanical issues with only a 15 minute delay and needs to be pushed in to North Station by another train. The next… switch problems with a 20 to 25 minute delay and the one after that… CANCELED! I know that eventually a train will come get me but really… are these “delay times” accurate? I don’t know and with all the sh*t I am carrying, do I really want to have to stand on a sardine packed train that it will eventually turn into? NO!

I check google maps and it tells me to take the bus to the Blue line and then the Blue line to State. I have never done this before and I really don’t want to go through Lynn during rush hour. I throw my pepper spray in an easily accessible pocket and I head to the bus stop!

The bus is there within 2 minutes. I hop on and guess what? I get a seat!!!!! My sh*t even gets a seat for a while until the bus gets a little more crowded and I move my parfaits and allow someone who just got on to sit. We arrive at Wonderland and the train is sitting there…waiting for us and get this… I get a seat again! This is great! I check my phone as the Blue line whisks me in to the city. The train still has not come for my fellow commuter rail folks. They are still waiting and I’m halfway to work!

I arrive at my office a half hour late but this pales in comparison to where I’d be had I waited for the train that was only 25 minutes delayed. I check my phone again and while I am at work, my fellow commuter rail people are still on the platform an hour and a half after a train should have got them.

Thank goodness this was a mild winter and thank goodness spring is kinda-sorta here!

Left my Shopping Bag on the Train

It happened. I’ve been coming in and out of the city for 5 years and have always worried about leaving my nondaily items behind because I’m such a habitual person that I’d grab my work bag and purse and take off. So, I always… always… put my shopping bag on my lap. Well, yesterday I didn’t have room to do it so I put my shopping bag at my feet.

We arrive at my stop and I hop out into the aisle and walk almost to the exit when this woman screams after me that I forgot my bag. I had to walk back, hold up the line and retrieve my bag. I’m glad she was looking out for me though because I wouldn’t have realized I left it behind until I needed it… which would have been Mother’s Day when I would have been looking for it to wrap it.

I’m one of those people that when I see something someone will like, I buy it for the next holiday instead of last minute craziness. It works to my advantage…most of the time… when I remember to take them off the stinkin’ train!

Thanks to this lady, I have my present and she's restored my faith in my fellow train people that good people are out there!

It’s Only Wednesday!

It is only Wednesday and I just can’t even believe the lack of courtesy on the train…or out and about really.

Monday after work I get on the double decker and I sit down in one of the seats that folds down to sit in. During the winter, I take the first seat I see because you just don’t know if you’ll see another one. I sit next to a man who looks very able bodied. I don’t know for sure if he is but my guess is…he is just fine!

A woman walks on with a stroller and I immediately get up and offer my seat. She insists I sit down and that her friend got them a seat in the car back. They leave. This guy sits there with his ear buds in watching what I’m doing and then buries his head back in his phone.

After the woman walks off, a man with a cast on walks on the train. I give the slug a second to hop up and offer his seat. He doesn’t (therefore in my eyes did not redeem himself). I offer my seat to the guy with the cast and he tells me that he has sat all day and needs to stretch. I tell him to let me know if he changes his mind and needs to sit. The slug next to me sees the man with the cast on and still just sits there.

I don’t know…is it just me? I’m pretty sure you offer your seat to people who have strollers, wheel chairs and casts! Pretty sure it’s just common decency but what do I know?

Then today, I am making it to the train station JUST IN TIME for the train. It came while I was a half a block away so I ran…until some lady who didn’t have the same sense of urgency as me was walking like a snail (no cast! I checked!)! Oh no worries lady… yes… you are out of my way. However, your ugly drug store umbrella is protruding into my path so I have two choices: 1. Stay behind you and hope the conductor sees us and waits or 2. Risk slashing my throat on your drug store umbrella while I try to get by and make the commuter train.

I chose option 1 and thanked the conductor profusely.

Then… I’m not on the train but I’m going to throw this one in for sh*ts and giggles because…well… wait your “muthah f*cki’n” turn buddy!

I get to the bagel shop. I am waiting in a long long line because I’d like a rosemary and olive oil bagel with cream cheese. I finally get to the counter and the woman says “Next in line please.” The guy behind me gives her his order. She grabs his bagel and starts making it. I proclaim that I was next. He says to me “Well, I’m in a hurry!” Um… really as*hat? Aren’t we all? It’s 8:45am!

I look at him baffled that he really just felt that his 9am meeting was more important than where I have to be at 9am. “So am I!” I state and look at the lady. She doesn’t know what to do so she continues making his bagel and asks someone to come make mine. As*hat got his way and I got my bagel maybe a minute after him. So really buddy, your smug a*s cut the line for 1 minute. Good job at succeeding at looking like a jerk in front of a long long line of people for 1 minute. I hope you got to where you were going thaaaat much faster!

OK… done ranting! It’s only Wednesday! Oy Vey!

Live...From the Train...It's Wednesday Night

This evening I get to the train station to find my train has been delayed by 15 minutes. The train I need to get on keeps dropping off the board but over the loud speaker we are assured it isn't canceled and it's on the way.

Finally, after waiting for what seems like forever in a sea of sheeple, we are able to board. However, since it is so close to the next trains departure, people from that train board as well.

I don't get a seat and now have to stand among the sheeple just trying to get home when the engineer and the conductor decide to have a private chat but it's not so private because they are screaming on the other side of the door from me.

"I bet you don't miss this." the conductor says to the engineer

"Why do you think I got out of ticket collecting and into this? So I'm not embarrassed by this malfunction. This is so f*cking embarrassing. These people just want to go home!"

"F*cking disgrace. Making us wait to pack a few more people on when the next train is literally in a few minutes. "

"This is bullsh*t!"

They then open the door and act like they didn't just have this conversation and smile and check tickets.

I'm standing here still and the guy sitting behind me smells like weed and cheap imposter cologne. It is awful and I want to gag but I have nowhere to move to.

The train just hit a bump and jurked me around sending my hand bag into the stoners head.

Stoner just got up and offered me his seat and now I feel bad for making fun of stoner guys cheap imposter cologne. Oh well... such is life. I get a seat and he is ready to fly off this train the second the doors open.

I guess cheap imposter smell is better than last night. Last night I was across from the bathroom and someone actually used it and ... well... let's just say Ralph Lauren-Hugo-Boss-Tommy-Hilfiger knock off 90's cologne would have been a nice touch yesterday.

Shocking. .. stoner guy got off at Lynn. I'm just sayin'!

Ok... almost to my stop finally. Thanks for reading my live blogcasted rant!

Brought to you by the MBTA, late trains home and awful cologne!

Front Row for the Fight!

Last night I went to the BOSTON ATHENÆUM.  I took their art and architecture tour and it was pretty neat. On my way home, I had two options, wait for the commuter rail which was at 7:45pm or I could take the Blue line and hop on the 455 bus which got me home at 7:48pm if I made the bus. I decided to chance it and if all else fails… UBER!

I hop on the Blue line with no problem. I make the connection at Wonderland to the bus. Everything is working out great until we pick up a couple. I am seated against the wall and they decide to sit in the two seats facing forward so that they are staring at me and I can see them out of the corner of my eye. I am reading my new book I REGRET NOTHING so clearly they know I’m a bad a*s in a French burette and ballet flats! OBVIOUSLY…. OK OK, I look like the biggest wimp on that bus but whatever.  (PS My pepper spray is at the top of my purse. I AM going through Lynn … and possibly Revere too… I think but I’m not 100% sure)  

Anyway, this couple starts bickering! I can’t concentrate on my book. I just can’t do it. I must have reread the same freakin’ line a thousand times because I did NOT want to make eye contact! The following you should read Marisa Tomei style from My Cousin Vinny for the girl. The guy should be one of the Butabi Brothers from Night at the Roxbury. AND this is what I listen to for 19 stops:

Butabi boy starts: “Babe! How am I gonna trust you? I saw ON FACEBOOK that you went out with him! I know what I know!”

Marisa replies: “Yes, I went out with him but you knew I was going to. I told you.”

BB: “You checked in with him and made me look like a fool.”

M: “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I don’t want to do anything to screw this up babyyyyyy!”

BB: “You did!”

M: “That’s why you ignored me for two days.”

BB: “I was busyyyyyy.”

M: “I was worried. I didn’t know if something happened to you.”

BB: “If you were so worried, you should have stopped by my work!”

M: “I did. I even called your buddy Donny lookin’ fo’ you!”

BB: “You came to my work? You stalking me?”

M: “I was worrieeeeeeeed!”

BB: “I was busy.”

M: “You could have shot me a text.”

Silence.

M: “ You think I f*cked him don’t you! DON’T YOU! I told you, I aint screwin’ this up babyyy!”

BB: “I do!”

M: “I knew it! I didn’t!”

BB: “What’ll it take to shut you up? What’ll it take? I don’t think that?”

M: “Yee-aaah!”

BB: “Ok! I don’t!”

Silence.

M: “ You know I love you babyyyyyy!”

Annnnd that’s when I hit the stop request in front of my stop and quickly got the hell out of dodge in my burette and ballet flats! However, I’m assuming after I freed up some space and was no longer in their view, they had a stupid make out session until their stop.

Never a dull moment my friends!