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Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving! You Should Go on a Cruise!

I’m back! This morning, I decided to take the T instead of walk. I hop on and this guy immediately starts talking to me about how we have to wear hats and scarves and mittens now and how winter came quick. He then segwayed into how he hopes there is no snow on December 18th because on December 18th, he and his wife are going on a cruise. “Christmas Day I’ll be in my bikini!” he says awaiting my laugh. “Once you do a cruise you’ll never go back. “ This guy should have been the spokesperson for ALL cruise lines! “You load a prepaid card with money and you don’t worry about money all week. You just swipe and swipe and swipe and everything is paid for…everything…” 2 stops later I am happy to get off at State but he follows me! “Don’t book in advance, book as close as you can get and don’t get a box. Get a balcony!” he says as if he is giving away his secrets! Finally he is going to the Blue line and I am going to the street. “Happy Thanksgiving! Thanks for the tips!” I say as I walk off and wave. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

STOP F*CKING STALKING ME!


This has nothing to do with the train. NOTHING. BUT, I am venting. Venting about this sh*tty a*s world of dating. I go on a date, he tells me he’s married still and hasn’t filed for divorce. I say, I am not going to date someone still with their WIFE! He wants to be my “friend”.

So, here is my public service announcement:

Please be advised that this is not Nineteen Eighty-What-the-f*ck-ever! Arriving at a woman’s home unannounced in a 1989 Blue Chevy Malibu wearing a trench coat and a boombox is NOT romantic!! NOT AT ALL! It’s creepy…especially if she lives ALONE!

OK, OK… this guy actually, after he text and I responded with “Don’t come over!” and then texts to “call me” and I say I don’t want a conversation tonight, showed up in a white BMW with a dozen roses and a poem and proceeded to ring my doorbell a few times, getting my dog all riled up and flipping out at the doors while I hid in the middle of my house in my guest bedroom because I could easily jump out that window if I had to because I didn’t know what door he was ringing the doorbell from…front or back. I huddled on the guest bed whispering into the phone to my friend as my heart raced. He messaged a little while later that he was leaving me something and he was leaving. I hung up with my friend and since it was 9:30 at night, whatever the heck he left me could wait until the morning! I messaged two other friends and they urged me to call the police which I did. They showed up and surveyed the property. Found my roses and my poem for me and took notes and promised to monitor the house after they left for the rest of the night. Last night, I made sure all my dead bolts were secured, made sure every door and window had the alarm armed and then went to bed with my pepper spray, phone, car keys and a HAMMER under my pillow that my dad got me for Christmas for “home ownership responsibilities” NOT for whacking people…but I didn’t have a Louisville Slugger sooo this was the next best thing. Oh… and my very big dog close by!

The police also called him to tell him to leave me alone. What does he do after that call… message me asking if I’m still up. Clearly I ignored it as he ignored the polices request to leave me the f*ck alone. This morning, I get an “apology text” and I state that I appreciate the apology. However, don’t contact me anymore. What does he do… RESPONDs by putting the blame of my reaction on someone other than himself! Asking me to talk to my friends and family about the situation. BUT to ultimately, do what makes me happy!

Um, ultimately right now what would make me happy is if you get out of my face!

So there you go boys and girls! It’s not romantic! Not even one bit! It’s creepy. It gets the police called and all I wanted last night was to relax! That was all. Instead I got an anxiety attack, police surveying my property and reports to fill out.

Also, what’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? That would be… the PRICK is on the inside of the BMW!  

Monday, September 26, 2016

He Sh*t Himself

Hello Friends,
Saturday was a day of bliss. I had a one hour massage, walked over to the North End and got the best slice of pizza ever, went to the Otis House for a gorgeous tour and then, on my way home was wondering what it was that I was smelling-slash-gagging on. Well... here you go ladies and gentlemen. Compliments of this high-stoned-drunk MBTA passenger who probably didn't even know he had sh*t himself because he looked at me, smiled from ear to ear and winked at me (was he flirting with me.... sick!)  before turning to show off his back side.  Good thing I had scented anti bac gel so I could throw it on my hands and then cover my nose with said hands while I hoped and prayed this guy did not lose his footing!!!
Have a great week y'all!!

Friday, September 23, 2016

Happy Flippin Friday!

Today was going pretty well until... I got notification that there was police action in Chelsea and my train was delayed...then canceled. I check out my options. I can take the bus all the way from my office to my doorstep and that will take an hour and a half and that isn't including traffic!! Oorrr I could take the blue line to a bus and then have the bus drop me 0.7 miles away from my place. The blue line/bus option supposedly will take less time so I chance it. This would not be so bad except for the fact that I am a fricken bag lady. I walked through Haymarket this morning and got apples, strawberries and asparagus. Bags, bags bags. PS Apples are heavy and I know this buttttt I wanted Apples so I got Apples. Then on my lunch break, I went shopping. CVS for essentials. Poshmark for not exactly essentials, Bath and Body because. .. why not? ! More bags, bags bags! Now, on the commuter rail not a huge problem. There is a storage bin overhead. The T...The bus...Not so much. So now, I'm the freaking bag lady toting my many bags all around just to get home. Why didn't I Uber you might ask. Well... because it is surge pricing and traffic... so no bueno! I had an offer for a ride too but they were already out of the city and I'd feel bad making them come back to get me so... here's hoping I (and my bags) get home in one piece and in a timely manner!! Please Please Pretty Please!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Don’t Poke Me!


Last Friday, I had a short day at work and then went over to the ICA. After I was done, I could hop on the Blue line to the bus or I could wait an hour for the commuter rail. I chose to hop on the Blue line and hoped for the best.

I get on at State Street and head towards Wonderland. I am surprised at how packed it is. I end up standing in front of a couple that is sitting. The guy looks up and says to me “You’re so cute, I just want to poke you!” and then…pokes me in the stomach. The woman is horrified!! I laugh it off and then ask where they are from (because no Bostonian is going to poke my abs!) They are from Rochester, NY and were heading to Reno’s because they saw it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives! Which now reminds me…my dad and I need to go there because he saw it on Diners, Drive-ins and Dives! As we get to their stop the guy asks if he can adopt me because I’m so darn cute and could they take me to lunch and pretend I’m their daughter? Not sure what to say, I laugh it off again until finally the T stops and the doors open to let them off! FEW!

Fast forward to Tuesday of this week: I get into North Station on the commuter rail and decide that I’m not walking in the rain! I take the Orange line to State instead. I get on and obviously because it is raining, it is packed! A little old man is next to me- slash- in front of me (it was an odd angle). I am surprised that no one offered him a seat. He stands and doesn’t make a fuss until the doors open at Haymarket. No one gets off but a few people push their way on. This girl pushed her way in knocking this guy completely over and forcing him to pretty much do a trust fall into my arms. As I hold the poor guy up he screams “HEY!! HEYYYY!” I push him upright and he stands again not looking back and that’s when I turned around, rolled my eyes at another passenger who rolled their eyes at me first and faced the other direction so that poor old men don’t fall into my arms again!

Welcome to my commuter life!

Thursday, August 18, 2016

What a WEEEEK!


This week has been interesting…
Monday… nothing the train did but I was cranky that morning and if I had thought bubbles coming out of my head, I would have been screwed!
"OMG! Who are you? Pepe Le Pew’s girl friend? Who leaves the house like that?” I thought as I walked behind a woman with brunet mullet with a blondish grey strip down the middle.  PS She thought she looked so cool! Um, no! The 90’s called and they want their mullet back!

“Who the hell sleeps with you? You’re nasty!” I think about a man waddling like a god damn weeble down the platform.

“Hurry the f*ck up people!” I complain in my head about the wide eyed tourists that have never seen a freakin’ train station EVER… in their LIFE! It’s a train station! No big deal people!! Move along people!

Tuesday… Again… nothing the train did! I left work and hit the T toward North Station. Once I arrive on the orange line, I’ve got to pop out and cross the street. I have maybeeeee 3 minutes to get on the train. Everyone is running! We round the corner and to head through the doors to the station and OH WAIT… there is an 18 wheeler blocking EVERY DOOR!! No problem buddy. Just hang tight; we don’t need to catch a train or ANYTHING!!!!! He inches up and we are all kinda jogging in place to see which way we can go to get around this guy and to a door. We decide to make a run for it behind him and hope for the best. After running around and prancing through the doors, we have 1 minute… ONE MINUTE to get onto the platform and board the train. That is IT! Chances are slim right now but we are all running. I get to the platform and the conductor is calling “All Aboard!” I make it and he slams the door behind me as I catch my breath! PHEW!

Wednesday… I cram onto the T to get to North Station and we are packed like sardines. The guy behind me somehow grabs my a*s! I'm on to you pal! The train wasn't even moving yet sooooo you have no excuse! NONE! I do my best "Oopsy, is there someone behind me" hip chuck-slash-elbow to his gut and stomped on his foot for good measure. He said nothing and knew it was deserved. A*shole!  

Thursday… Trains fault! Mechanical issues! I get to the platform heading in to work and get an alert. It is 25 minutes late. Since I live around the corner, I head home to spend 15 minutes with my dog and then come back. I get home and my dog acts as if I was gone ALL DAY LONG! I was gone 10 minutes…tops! I give her a cookie and we play for a bit and then I leave and it’s as if it’s the end of the world to her…again because I already did this to her once today. I get to the platform and there are so many people there. I start to wonder if I’ll get a seat. The train pulls up and everyone boards. I chat with the train conductor and she tells me that there is another one about 10 minutes behind but she thinks I have a shot at getting a seat on this one. I take her word for it and she is right! I get a seat and I get to read and relax on my way in. YAY!

It’s almost Friday people!! Thank goodness because it has been a WEEEEEEEK!!

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Online Dating & Emotional Cheating


A few months back I tried the online dating thing. There are some weirdo’s out there…and today I encountered one of them! I took my profile down because I had had enough of 200 messages a day, marriage proposals from strangers, harassment from STRANGERS that think that 50 Shades of online dating was what I wanted, and messages from married couples asking me if I’d date them …the list goes on. There was a guy that stood out to me that I thought was really nice. He was tall and a redhead! I mean…the red hair alone stands out and we’d chatted online every day for a bit. Suddenly he didn’t return my message (and since I’m not crazy and don’t chase people, and the ball was in his court, I didn’t message again. I let it go!)

Today, a few months after that last message, I’m getting on the train and I notice this tall redhead with glasses sitting in a seat with an empty seat beside him. I immediately recognize him AS I’m sitting down…like mid-sit. I try to play it cool and then I look down and see HE HAS A WEDDING RING ON!! A WEDDING RING!! I look at him dead in the eyes with my “You’re a f*ckface” death look. My butt doesn’t even touch the seat and I get up and find another seat…which I almost immediately regret because there weren’t many seats and I had to go a ways down to get one…but FINE… the further away from him the better.

So, here is my question…technically he didn’t cheat. Maybe it’s called emotional cheating! Is it fair for him to A. emotionally cheat on his wife by claiming he is single on an online dating site and B. Waste a woman’s time who truly wants a relationship and chatted with him for clearly… NOTHING?!?