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Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Dreaded Middle Seat

I get on the train and it is packed but I need a seat so I sit in the only one available… the dreaded middle seat of the three seater!

As we are approaching North Station, the woman to the right of me stands in her seat and puts her rain trench on by whipping it around which smacks me in the face! Don’t worry lady…red, freshly smacked face was precisely the look I was going for this morning! After I sooth my face from being hit, the guy to the left of me decides he wants to put his hair in a man bun. In the process, his dandruff flakes fly off his head and onto the lid of my to-go coffee mug. Don’t worry buddy, I didn’t really want the rest of my coffee anyways!

And with that my friends, I wish you a happy hump day! We are almost to Friday! 

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Moth Balls and No Heat!

This morning was about 20 degrees out! The train arrived about 8 minutes late but that’s not horrible on a day like today. I was completely expecting it to be much later because of the snow, ice and temperature. So, only 8 minutes behind is not bad. Yay! We are in good shape!
I get on the train and there are no lights on…which also means, the heat is not on either. I remove my sunglasses so that I can actually see on the train and not walk into people (I say this as I was behind a blind woman this morning…I’m going to hell, I know!)
I finally find a seat and get situated only to smell moth balls! WHO… IN THE YEAR OF 2017 uses moth balls?!? I would like to know AND we are well into winter where that fresh out-of-the-closet-moth-ball-scent should fekking be gone by now! Just saying!!
So, while I suffer in no heat and moth ball scent (I hope to GOD, that smell didn’t rub off on me!!), I see out of the corner of my eye a man’s hand going up and down, up and down. I think the worst as I try to calmly sip my tea. It continues so I give a death glare over his way. Come to find out, it was not the worst! (Thank god!!) He was just rubbing his hands together to keep them warm in our no heat situation!
Once we arrive at North Station, we all pile out of the train on to the platform and since I already have a chill and am cranky from moth ball smell, I am less than forgiving to the jerk that bumps into me and then stares at me all bewildered. I give my mean eyes again and I thought that I thought this in my head but nope… I said it out loud “Don’t looook at meee!” he looks down on the ground without saying anything and I continue on my way sipping my tea and trying to regain a better mood.

NOTE: Since I have warmed up and have confirmed moth ball scent has not traveled with me, I am in good shape and happier! SO YAY for that!! 

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Start and End in my Seat

This morning, I took the T. I hop on and there is a man with special needs sitting down. He looks at me and smiles. The train is full and no seats are available. He stands up and offers me his seat because I am a lady. I melted. I just about cried. I told him I was ok to stand and he insisted that I I sat. Such a sweet and kind gesture.

Fast forward to this evening. I am getting on the commuter train with a shopping bag, work bag and purse. Seating was limited. I get to my seat and take a few seconds to get off my back pack after I put my shopping bag and purse down. Usually people wait behind you because they will get the next seat available because the flow is almost always going the same way. Well, the woman behind me pushes me into my seat before I could even get situated. Either she doesn't know train etiquette or she is a miserable piece of sh*t. I am going to assume the latter. It took all I had not to pummel her with my shopping bag (that one would have had the most force/effect) while my inner thoughts are falalala la-f*cking-la! But then I remembered the guy this morning and rose above that dumb miserable b*th because I will not stoop to that level...especially when I see most of these people every day.

Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and remember to rise about the a*shats out there!

Falalala lalalala!

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Happy Thanksgiving! You Should Go on a Cruise!

I’m back! This morning, I decided to take the T instead of walk. I hop on and this guy immediately starts talking to me about how we have to wear hats and scarves and mittens now and how winter came quick. He then segwayed into how he hopes there is no snow on December 18th because on December 18th, he and his wife are going on a cruise. “Christmas Day I’ll be in my bikini!” he says awaiting my laugh. “Once you do a cruise you’ll never go back. “ This guy should have been the spokesperson for ALL cruise lines! “You load a prepaid card with money and you don’t worry about money all week. You just swipe and swipe and swipe and everything is paid for…everything…” 2 stops later I am happy to get off at State but he follows me! “Don’t book in advance, book as close as you can get and don’t get a box. Get a balcony!” he says as if he is giving away his secrets! Finally he is going to the Blue line and I am going to the street. “Happy Thanksgiving! Thanks for the tips!” I say as I walk off and wave. 

Tuesday, September 27, 2016


This has nothing to do with the train. NOTHING. BUT, I am venting. Venting about this sh*tty a*s world of dating. I go on a date, he tells me he’s married still and hasn’t filed for divorce. I say, I am not going to date someone still with their WIFE! He wants to be my “friend”.

So, here is my public service announcement:

Please be advised that this is not Nineteen Eighty-What-the-f*ck-ever! Arriving at a woman’s home unannounced in a 1989 Blue Chevy Malibu wearing a trench coat and a boombox is NOT romantic!! NOT AT ALL! It’s creepy…especially if she lives ALONE!

OK, OK… this guy actually, after he text and I responded with “Don’t come over!” and then texts to “call me” and I say I don’t want a conversation tonight, showed up in a white BMW with a dozen roses and a poem and proceeded to ring my doorbell a few times, getting my dog all riled up and flipping out at the doors while I hid in the middle of my house in my guest bedroom because I could easily jump out that window if I had to because I didn’t know what door he was ringing the doorbell from…front or back. I huddled on the guest bed whispering into the phone to my friend as my heart raced. He messaged a little while later that he was leaving me something and he was leaving. I hung up with my friend and since it was 9:30 at night, whatever the heck he left me could wait until the morning! I messaged two other friends and they urged me to call the police which I did. They showed up and surveyed the property. Found my roses and my poem for me and took notes and promised to monitor the house after they left for the rest of the night. Last night, I made sure all my dead bolts were secured, made sure every door and window had the alarm armed and then went to bed with my pepper spray, phone, car keys and a HAMMER under my pillow that my dad got me for Christmas for “home ownership responsibilities” NOT for whacking people…but I didn’t have a Louisville Slugger sooo this was the next best thing. Oh… and my very big dog close by!

The police also called him to tell him to leave me alone. What does he do after that call… message me asking if I’m still up. Clearly I ignored it as he ignored the polices request to leave me the f*ck alone. This morning, I get an “apology text” and I state that I appreciate the apology. However, don’t contact me anymore. What does he do… RESPONDs by putting the blame of my reaction on someone other than himself! Asking me to talk to my friends and family about the situation. BUT to ultimately, do what makes me happy!

Um, ultimately right now what would make me happy is if you get out of my face!

So there you go boys and girls! It’s not romantic! Not even one bit! It’s creepy. It gets the police called and all I wanted last night was to relax! That was all. Instead I got an anxiety attack, police surveying my property and reports to fill out.

Also, what’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? That would be… the PRICK is on the inside of the BMW!  

Monday, September 26, 2016

He Sh*t Himself

Hello Friends,
Saturday was a day of bliss. I had a one hour massage, walked over to the North End and got the best slice of pizza ever, went to the Otis House for a gorgeous tour and then, on my way home was wondering what it was that I was smelling-slash-gagging on. Well... here you go ladies and gentlemen. Compliments of this high-stoned-drunk MBTA passenger who probably didn't even know he had sh*t himself because he looked at me, smiled from ear to ear and winked at me (was he flirting with me.... sick!)  before turning to show off his back side.  Good thing I had scented anti bac gel so I could throw it on my hands and then cover my nose with said hands while I hoped and prayed this guy did not lose his footing!!!
Have a great week y'all!!

Friday, September 23, 2016

Happy Flippin Friday!

Today was going pretty well until... I got notification that there was police action in Chelsea and my train was delayed...then canceled. I check out my options. I can take the bus all the way from my office to my doorstep and that will take an hour and a half and that isn't including traffic!! Oorrr I could take the blue line to a bus and then have the bus drop me 0.7 miles away from my place. The blue line/bus option supposedly will take less time so I chance it. This would not be so bad except for the fact that I am a fricken bag lady. I walked through Haymarket this morning and got apples, strawberries and asparagus. Bags, bags bags. PS Apples are heavy and I know this buttttt I wanted Apples so I got Apples. Then on my lunch break, I went shopping. CVS for essentials. Poshmark for not exactly essentials, Bath and Body because. .. why not? ! More bags, bags bags! Now, on the commuter rail not a huge problem. There is a storage bin overhead. The T...The bus...Not so much. So now, I'm the freaking bag lady toting my many bags all around just to get home. Why didn't I Uber you might ask. Well... because it is surge pricing and traffic... so no bueno! I had an offer for a ride too but they were already out of the city and I'd feel bad making them come back to get me so... here's hoping I (and my bags) get home in one piece and in a timely manner!! Please Please Pretty Please!!!!!!!