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Thursday, August 18, 2016

What a WEEEEK!

This week has been interesting…
Monday… nothing the train did but I was cranky that morning and if I had thought bubbles coming out of my head, I would have been screwed!
"OMG! Who are you? Pepe Le Pew’s girl friend? Who leaves the house like that?” I thought as I walked behind a woman with brunet mullet with a blondish grey strip down the middle.  PS She thought she looked so cool! Um, no! The 90’s called and they want their mullet back!

“Who the hell sleeps with you? You’re nasty!” I think about a man waddling like a god damn weeble down the platform.

“Hurry the f*ck up people!” I complain in my head about the wide eyed tourists that have never seen a freakin’ train station EVER… in their LIFE! It’s a train station! No big deal people!! Move along people!

Tuesday… Again… nothing the train did! I left work and hit the T toward North Station. Once I arrive on the orange line, I’ve got to pop out and cross the street. I have maybeeeee 3 minutes to get on the train. Everyone is running! We round the corner and to head through the doors to the station and OH WAIT… there is an 18 wheeler blocking EVERY DOOR!! No problem buddy. Just hang tight; we don’t need to catch a train or ANYTHING!!!!! He inches up and we are all kinda jogging in place to see which way we can go to get around this guy and to a door. We decide to make a run for it behind him and hope for the best. After running around and prancing through the doors, we have 1 minute… ONE MINUTE to get onto the platform and board the train. That is IT! Chances are slim right now but we are all running. I get to the platform and the conductor is calling “All Aboard!” I make it and he slams the door behind me as I catch my breath! PHEW!

Wednesday… I cram onto the T to get to North Station and we are packed like sardines. The guy behind me somehow grabs my a*s! I'm on to you pal! The train wasn't even moving yet sooooo you have no excuse! NONE! I do my best "Oopsy, is there someone behind me" hip chuck-slash-elbow to his gut and stomped on his foot for good measure. He said nothing and knew it was deserved. A*shole!  

Thursday… Trains fault! Mechanical issues! I get to the platform heading in to work and get an alert. It is 25 minutes late. Since I live around the corner, I head home to spend 15 minutes with my dog and then come back. I get home and my dog acts as if I was gone ALL DAY LONG! I was gone 10 minutes…tops! I give her a cookie and we play for a bit and then I leave and it’s as if it’s the end of the world to her…again because I already did this to her once today. I get to the platform and there are so many people there. I start to wonder if I’ll get a seat. The train pulls up and everyone boards. I chat with the train conductor and she tells me that there is another one about 10 minutes behind but she thinks I have a shot at getting a seat on this one. I take her word for it and she is right! I get a seat and I get to read and relax on my way in. YAY!

It’s almost Friday people!! Thank goodness because it has been a WEEEEEEEK!!

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Online Dating & Emotional Cheating

A few months back I tried the online dating thing. There are some weirdo’s out there…and today I encountered one of them! I took my profile down because I had had enough of 200 messages a day, marriage proposals from strangers, harassment from STRANGERS that think that 50 Shades of online dating was what I wanted, and messages from married couples asking me if I’d date them …the list goes on. There was a guy that stood out to me that I thought was really nice. He was tall and a redhead! I mean…the red hair alone stands out and we’d chatted online every day for a bit. Suddenly he didn’t return my message (and since I’m not crazy and don’t chase people, and the ball was in his court, I didn’t message again. I let it go!)

Today, a few months after that last message, I’m getting on the train and I notice this tall redhead with glasses sitting in a seat with an empty seat beside him. I immediately recognize him AS I’m sitting down…like mid-sit. I try to play it cool and then I look down and see HE HAS A WEDDING RING ON!! A WEDDING RING!! I look at him dead in the eyes with my “You’re a f*ckface” death look. My butt doesn’t even touch the seat and I get up and find another seat…which I almost immediately regret because there weren’t many seats and I had to go a ways down to get one…but FINE… the further away from him the better.

So, here is my question…technically he didn’t cheat. Maybe it’s called emotional cheating! Is it fair for him to A. emotionally cheat on his wife by claiming he is single on an online dating site and B. Waste a woman’s time who truly wants a relationship and chatted with him for clearly… NOTHING?!?

Friday, July 22, 2016

I'll Just Pick Up My Dignity Now

Last night, I am walking to the train and enter the train station when I realize it is 5:14. My train leaves at 5:15pm. I pick up the pace and start off toward the track. I am talking on my phone. I have my ear bud in (only one ear! Never two. I always need to hear my surroundings too). My purse is a hand bag with an attachable cross body strap for when my hands are full and… I had my hands full. I was carrying my cake carrier from an office birthday that was empty (thankfully) in one hand and a seltzer in the other.

Anyway, I have my phone stashed in my purse as I gab away and hustle for the train. I reach the platform and it looks like the conductor is still letting people on. As soon as I hit the platform, my cross body strap unhooks and the contents of my purse go everywhere as my purse falls to the ground and rips my ear bud out of my ear. My phone, had it not been attached to the ear buds and the ear buds somehow wrapped around my feet now, would have gone flying into the tracks. I start screaming at my rouge phone “JUST A MINUTE!!” The call dropped anyways but the conductor thought I was yelling at him like “Oh, Just a minute! Hold the train while I just pick up the contents of my purse…oh and my dignity as everyone watches after they have all gasped! The conductor screams back “OK but hurry up!”

I pick up everything and enter the train with my purse, seltzer, cake carrier, make up, phone, ear buds…everything rolled up in some sort of ball that is miraculously staying together while I try to find a seat. The last thing I want to do is request a middle seat because my ball of belongings would go rouge again. I find a B*TCH with her bag on the outside seat of a 2 seater. I nicely request her to move the bags so I can sit. She pretends she can’t hear me so I request again. She huffs and moves the bags. (PS! There is a special place in hell for people who put their bags on the seat during rush hour and actually think they will have the seat to themselves the entire way!)

I sit down and try to put back the contents of my purse and hope…hope hope… that I have everything! I do! PHEW! But it was all sprinkled with seltzer now! Small price to pay for making the train I suppose!!

ANNDD Now it’s Friday so yay for that!!!

Monday, July 11, 2016

Or Are You Too Stupid?

This morning I decided to take the T? Why? Because I wore shoes that I thought would be comfy on my errands on Saturday and instead of being comfy, they gave me blisters so I’m trying to eliminate walking at great lengths until my poor feet are no longer on the mend.

I wait at North Station and when the train arrives, I get on and there is a gap down the side that no one in filling in. I don’t say anything as I am not affected. It turns out to be a nonissue. That is, until we get to Haymarket.

The doors open and no one gets off but people need to get on. One guy tries to get on and he fits but his back pack doesn’t. One guy yells “Can you move down? Why are we not moving down?” The girl responsible for initiating the move down, who does not have anything interfering with her hearing does absolutely nothing but look at her feet.

The poor guy gets off the train and tries another door. He ends up not being able to get on the train which angers a woman by the door that witnessed this poor guy having to wait because no one moved down.  “HEY! Can you move down or are you TOO STUPID to get that you have to move down to let people on?”

The girl responsible for filling in the gap again just stands there and someone nudges her as the angered woman yells some more “THAT’S IT! SHE IS TOO STUPID!!!”

The girl now gets it and moves down as she apologizes in perfect English. At first I was wondering if she was either not understanding English or deaf but I guess she was just in a morning daze.  This happens when… after the doors close and it’s too late for this poor guy on the platform to get on.

Happy Monday Everyone!

Thursday, July 7, 2016


Omg! I forgot what it was like to take the T since it has been a while since I took it during rush hour.

It all began when I am about to leave my office but the phone rings and this person wants to gab. I don't mind gabbing but not when I am trying to catch my train.  I literally walk out the door 2 minutes late and my commute home is blown.

Instead of running in this horrible air quality that I was advised to stay away from and stay in doors, I opt for the T and hope for the best.  This usually gets me to north station a little quicker but such luck. I wait for 7 minutes which is the time on the screen that it should take to arrive. Oh but guess what. .. 7 minutes turns in to 10. On top of that, people are now piling up on the platform.

The T arrives and it is packed.  A few get off and I am in the front of the pack that is trying to board.  From behind,  I am shoved into the doorway. I have no where to go but into people.  I tell the girl that I am now shoving (chain reaction) that I am soo sorry and that it is coming from behind. Seriously! What is wrong with people? We are in Boston not Japan. This is not acceptable here!!

I finally am on and situated and not pushing anyone over. We start and stop again at Haymarket. Guess what? Someone behind me needs to get off so i get off to let them off. When I got to get back on, I am shoved once again!! Seriously? I get that you have places to go but what gives you the right to shove me into people? I am not weak by any imagination but I am weak compared to the 250 person behind me trying to get on!!

Finally the guard steps in and tells him he needs to stay behind the yellow line.She didn't say 'Stop body slamming this lady.' Nope... stand behind the line. Whatever. He finally let up and the doors closed.

I am now on the 540 train home. 25 minutes after the train I usually get but whatever. .. I made it to the train unharmed  (I think...I bruise easily so tomorrow won't be a surprise if I have some bruise on the back of my leg...we shall see). And did youdo the math?  I left work 2 minutes late and am now 25 plus minutes behind.

It's almost Friday people. ALMOST! !!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Fist Full of Hair

I'm ordering lunch in the concourse of Grand Central. After I pay, I am tugged back by my hair. Some weirdo behind me had a fist full of my hair and was smelling it. Um, get your f*cking nose out of my hair! I don't know youuuuu!

That is all! New York, I still love you!

Monday, May 16, 2016

Lock the Fekking Door

Omg! Omfg! I'm heading to New Jersey today on the Amtrak. As we approach Penn Station, I decide I should pee before everyone gets off, everyone gets on. I run back to the restroom and see that the light is not on so I open the door wide open. What do I find? What the fek to I find? Oh I'll tell you what I found. I found a woman buck a*s naked bending over trying to get something off the floor with her a*s hanging out in the breeze staring right at me! Oh but not only I saw this... the seats facing the bathroom door also got a show and were dying with laughter. I slammed the door so quickly that it flew open again and so I, being my good self ran after the rogue door and closed it again for her. I don't even know if she realized what was going on because there was zero effort to cover up her a*s flapping in the train breeze!

A man came out of the other restroom and I flew in there so fast to avoid a run in with this woman just hanging out for all to see. I took my time in there so that I wouldn't have to see her and when I came out, the people in the cheap seats to the bare a*s show instructed me the coast was clear and I b-lined it back to my seat!

Happy Monday Y'all!!