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Friday, January 31, 2014

The 90's Called

The 90's called. They said they want their flip phone back!

Today while waiting inside the train station for the train, everyone was quietly scrolling through their smart phones while sipping their to-go mugs. However, one guy had his sound on on the key pad of his flip phone. He was texting. I completely forgot about all the button pushing on flip phones to get the letter you want to appear on the screen until I heard this guy clicking away as the sound carried throughout the room. It sounded like he was trying to get Morse Code message through the wires.

I have nothing against flip phones. My mother still has one because she is afraid of smart phones. Too much technology for her. However, I thought it was funny this morning when everyone was looking around for the Morse Code texter!

Happy Friday everyone!!

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Housekeeping Tips for the Housekeeping Tips

Remember the other day when I told everyone to have tissues on them at all times to prevent them from wiping their snot rockets on the seats?

Well, apparently I need to elaborate on what to do with the tissue after wiping said snot rocket! Once you have wiped your nose with the tissue, you do not put the used tissue on the seat! You place it back in your pocket, purse, wherever and discard it later. You do not, I repeat, do not place it on the seat beside you!

This morning I was sitting in a three seater and the guy next to me sitting at the window blew his nose and put his tissue on the seat next to his bag in the middle of us. When someone requested I slide in to the middle seat, he removed his bag but left the tissue, as if I was going to scooch in and sit on his used tissue. GROSS!! I looked at the tissue and looked at him. He didn’t get it. I stepped it up a notch. I looked at the tissue and gave him a death stare. He got the point!

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Ground Hog Day

You ever see the movie Ground Hog Day? Well, this morning while I was parking to catch the train, I had what I’d refer to as “a ground hog moment”.

I pull into the parking lot every day and, yes, I am a creature of habit and park in the exact same spot every day. Well, guess what, most others are creatures of habit too.

So, this week on Monday and Tuesday, as I was parking in my spot, a Blue Toyota Highlander came whipping around the corner at me and today as I am parking I think to myself “Blue Toyota Highlander coming up!” and within seconds of that thought, there it was: The Blue Toyota Highlander!

I have several other “ground hog moments” but this one caught me off guard and the owner of the Blue Toyota Highlander must have thought I was crazy sitting in my car and cracking up by myself!

You ever have those moments?

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Satin Lips

Today as I am waiting to get off the train at North Station, there is a guy in the aisle picking at his lips. I mean, dry skin just plucking it off his lips and tossing it on the floor into the aisle. This isn’t as bad as wiping snot rockets on the seats but still…come on buddy. No one wants your dead skin floating around. This is when you invest in some “Satin Lips” from your local Mary Kay representative and add it to your daily beauty ritual in the privacy of your own home.  

Monday, January 27, 2014

It's All in the Bag

Let’s talk about work bags shall we? A work bag to me, is a statement! It’s professional. You are seen on the train and trekking to and from your office every day in a suit and/or stylish threads, why would you ever skimp on your bag? When your bag is crap, your whole outfit is thrown off. Would you show up at an interview with a crappy bag? NO! So why would you allow yourself to have one on a daily basis? I see you every day on the train so I know it’s not a onetime thing!

Here is what a work bag is not:

A 99 Cent reusable bag that you picked up at LuLu Lemon or DSW. You pick these up at your favorite stores and you want everyone  to know that you love shoes or love yoga but in essence it just says “I am too damn cheap to buy myself a good work bag.” *

A paper bag from your favorite spa or store that starts out nice and pretty but after a week or two, it’s torn to bits. We get it. You want to show off that you went to Fancy-Schmancy spa or Fancy-Schmancy store but ya know what? Most of us go to Fancy-Schmancy spa’s and  most of us go to Fancy Schmancy stores so guess what? We aren’t impressed AND we certainly aren’t impressed when it’s torn to bits and looks like a shredded mess! *

The reusable grocery bag. Just NO! Come on. That bright green Stop and Shop bag or that trashy logo of Market Basket…every day! No! Just…NO! *
*The exception to the above three bags is when you have a nice work bag and you have extra things to bring in to the office and it is a one time thing!

An LL Bean canvas back pack with your initials on it. What are you, in the fourth grade? Enough said!

And speaking of the fourth grade, your children’s back pack from last year is not an appropriate work bag. You look all suave in your crisp suit and then I see you from behind and…your put together clean look is gone! It’s the suburban mom/dad rockin’ their kid’s lasts year’s school bag that is florescent pink or bright primary colors. I bet you did pay an arm and a leg for it and your kid just couldn’t have the same book bag this year so you figure, you’ll get some use out of it, well sorry, you can’t do that without ruining your professional, put together look.

Pleather bags that are unraveling. Fine, pleather bags look nice and all but once they start getting stringy and unraveling, get a new one. You just look disheveled and, as my mom would say, “Like a Ragamuffin”. Sport your pleather bag, that’s fine but once it looks like crap, it’s time to move on and get a new one.

I may sound like a little snob, Ok, Ok, I know I do but honestly, you never know who you will see on the train or walking around town. You could be chatting it up with a hot shot that could give you your next big break and you look like a Ragamuffin with your crappy bag. My point is, with the simple purchase of a nice bag, you look polished and put together. That’s it! The end!

Friday, January 24, 2014

Hot Flash on the Train

This morning it is 6 degrees out. A few stops in, a woman gets on the train and sits across from me. She sits down and immediately starts removing her jacket, her suit jacket and her scarf as if… she is on fire! She strips herself down to a T-Shirt. I think to myself “She must have had to run for it.” Her face is bright red. I start thinking some more. I get that running for the train is going to make you hot but she seems a bit over the top about it. It’s 6 degrees out and the train isn’t exactly pumping itself full of heat. I actually had to continually wiggle my toes because there wasn’t heat on the floor and they were chilly.

Once she has everything off, she starts rummaging through her purse. After a little while she whips out an accordion style wooden fan and starts fanning herself with it. OK! She didn’t run for it. That is a sure sign of a hot flash!  

Stay warm today… I know this lady is!

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Obtaining Personal Space on the T

This morning as I wait at North Station to hop on the T, the train pulls in and it is sardine packed except for one girl who has a 3 foot circumference around her. Her back is turned towards me but when she turns around she has a surgical mask on. BRILLIANT!!!! Perhaps I should get some surgical masks and wear them on the T so I can have ample space around me.

Then, I wasn’t sure if she was wearing it because she is sick or to obtain space so I removed myself from the train and waited for the next one because I am still on the mend from a severe case of pneumonia and wasn’t taking any chances of getting sick again.

Today’s lesson: Surgical masks get you your personal bubble back!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Some Housekeeping

The last few days I have noticed some really bad housekeeping habits on the train.

I will begin by saying: Don't floss your damn teeth on the train. Especially when you are shoulder to shoulder with me. I don't want to worry about your tartar build up getting flung into my coffee cup! Wait until you are comfortably in front of a mirror in the closest bathroom.

Next: Always have tissues with you. Keep them in your purse, your pocket...where ever you can stash them. Today on the T as I am heading to North Station, I am standing in front a guy sitting and reading a book when all of a sudden he lifts his bare hand to his nose and wipes it once, twice, three time (a lady) back and forth back and forth. When he is done, I can clearly see his hand is full of snot. He looks at his hand and...are you ready for this...wipes it on the seat! Yup! That really happened!! I understand that when you read, you are taken to a new world but you have to remember the world you are actually in and that is in public and on a train and in that world, no one wants your snot rockets on the seat!

What did we learn today?
-Don't fling your tartar build up into a strangers coffee cup.
-Don't wipe your snot on publicly occupied surfaces. You can avoid this by having tissues.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I Lost a David Yurman!

Friday…not my day! It was crazy and hectic at the office and I was dead exhausted from an over ambitious week in New York.

Let’s rewind a few months. My husband asks me “Why don’t you ever wear any of the nice jewelry I buy you to work?” I respond with “I am on the train. You never know. A clasp lets go and I am never seeing it again. Being crammed in among strangers, you also never know who might be tempted.” Well, he says it again a little while down the road and I think “What the heck? What good is it if it just sits there waiting for me to wear it on weekends?” So, Friday I throw on my latest Yurman piece.

When I got it, the clasp was loose and I brought it back for repairs. It took them weeks to fix it but when I got it back, I was assured it was fixed and that it wouldn’t fall off. Well, guess what? It did!!!!!

I get home on Friday. Go to take off my watch and then go to my other wrist and go to take off my bracelet. My heart STOPS! It is gone!! I start to panic and my husband comes running up stairs. He tells be to put on my coat and we will back track, maybe we will find it. I am skeptical! If it fell off on the train, that sucker was GONE!

He finally convinces me that we will go check at the train station where I parked and if it isn’t there, then we did all we could. I begrudgingly get in the car because all I wanted to do was sit by the fire and have a glass of wine.

We drive into the train station and the head lights hit something. My husband says “Look, it’s something shiny!!” I tell him it is ice. However, upon closer inspection, it is my bracelet, on the ground and run over about a hundred times since I park by the exit.

At least I found my Yurman but I have learned a lesson: Trust your intuition and don’t wear nice jewelry on public transit.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Pee Before You Go

I am taking the Amtrak Acela back to Boston. Before I boarded, I drank an iced tea. Well, bad idea because I then had to use the ladies room. I figured I'd be fine but NOOOO.....this bathroom is worse than trying to pee on a flight with turbulence. That was probably TMI but I just had to say it! What did we learn and what have our mothers been telling us to do for our entire lives before road trips....even when you of the awesome age of "29 again"? That's right...she says "Pee before you go!"

Monday, January 13, 2014


Today I drove in because I am heading to a conference and would like to have my car in the city when I return at 10pm on Thursday so I don’t have to hike to North Station from South Station and wait for the 10:40pm train and get home at midnight. Instead I can hightail it out of here and be home by 10:30pm.

Well, the other day on the train I had an itch on my foot and I had my riding boots on and the train was packed so I couldn’t scratch it. I thought that was torture. Well, wanna know what is torture? I will tell you what is torture: Driving into the city in stop and go traffic while having to pee, while watching the guy in front of you pluck his nose hairs in his rear view mirror (True story. He was driving a VW wagon) and listening to One Direction because it is the only song on the radio and you don’t want to hear the radio hosts go on and on about nonsense. That, my friends, is torture!

I haven’t driven in to the city during rush hour in a loooong time and will be avoiding it at all costs in the future. This just made me appreciate my train commuting even though they are always strange…they are always entertaining and more relaxing than stop and go.

Friday, January 10, 2014

A Heartwarming Night

Tonight as I get on the T, there is a girl with crutches and an assistance dog. She starts talking about how she might not make her train. It was 5:16 when we got on the T. Someone suggested that she call a friend to let the conductor know. She then said that it was her first week on the commuter rail and she doesn't have train friends yet. I was in a fog after a super busy day preparing for a conference in NY next week so I just stared off into space.

A guy next to me says "If you are catching the Lowell train, I will say something."

She said thank you and was very appreciative. She literally had just enough time to make it to the platform but maybe not enough time to make it to the train. I followed the guy who was going to say something to the conductor to the train. He really did what he said he was going to do. He pulled over to the side and explained to the conductor that a girl on crutches with a dog was going to catch the train by the skin of her teeth and if they could wait just a minute or two she would really appreciate it.

Well, our train took off at 5:32 tonight. 2 minutes late and I hope it was because they waited.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Unless You Are Mistress Phone Guy, Take Your Phone Off Speaker

It’s one thing to be on the phone on the train. It’s kinda rude but sometimes you just have to do it. It’s another thing to be on SPEAKER phone on the train!

This is how it went down:

“Hi Honey. I’m on the train.”

I hear the speaker phone say “Ok. I am stuck in traffic on 28. I might be late picking you up.” I am shocked. Why the hell is it necessary to have your phone on speaker phone? Strangers do not need to hear your entire convo! (Although when I was stuck next to Mistress Phone Guy (Click here to refresh your memory), speaker phone would have rocked!!)

“That’s ok Honey. I can wait inside for you. What should we have for dinner? I thawed out a few steaks.”

Honey replies on speaker phone “Whatever you’d like to make for a side is fine with me.”

I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to hear your mundane after work convo. Boring!!

So, what did we learn today? Unless you are Mistress Phone Guy, I don’t want to hear the other end of your convo on speaker phone!