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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Get In My Belly!

Yesterday I took an earlier train in to work because I had a lot to get done at the office. When I go in early I get a lot more done since no one is in the office and the phones aren't ringing. As I am getting out of my seat on the train and entering into the aisle, I am closing out of Facebook and returning to my home screen on my phone. My one and a half year old nephew is my wall paper at the moment. Fat Bastard was nice enough to let me go in front of her and she sees my nephew on my phone.

"Isn't he adorable?" She says to me. I turn around and say a quick thank you before departing the train. As I am walking down the platform I had a huge smirk on my face. I was trying to hold in my laughter because all I could think of was Fat Bastard in the movie Austin Powers. "Get in my belly! Baby! The other-other white meat! Baby! It's what's for dinner!"

Obviously I knew she didn't want to eat my nephew for dinner but I couldn't help but envisioning that hysterical scene in my head.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Picture Courtesy of Urban Dictionary

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

You're Old!

Last night on the way home, I sat in the seat across from a girl with ear buds in. The train conductor comes by and goes "What are you listening to?" She removes one of the ear buds and looks up "50 Cent!" she says to him. The conductor goes "Who's that?" and she replies "Really? You're old!"

I have always looked at him as maybe late 30's/ early 40's. Usually someone in that age bracket knows who 50 Cent is.

You could have heard a pin drop. Everyone wanted to hear what came next. He replies "Ya, I'm old. Older than you'd think." Few! He took it well. I could envision it going badly and I'm sure everyone around me did too. He had a sense of humor and didn't kick her off the train or jack up the price of her ticket.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

I'm the Stinky One!!

Last Friday, my cousin flew into Boston and came directly from the airport to my office to pick me up and grab lunch. We ventured into the North End and had a fabulous Italian lunch. We shared a bottle of red wine and then hit up her favorite little spot- The Cigar Bar! That place is just so much fun. Very old school and, if you smoke cigars, hookah or even cigarettes, they have a permit for you to smoke in there. The maroon leather seats are inviting and you can linger there while you enjoy your cigar or hookah of choice. I didn't have a cigar. However, I like a good martini so we lingered for a while. Before I knew it it was 5pm. Since I had cleaned up shop at the office that day, I didn't feel so bad. I walked back to the office after a delightful outing and grabbed my things to go home. When I got into the office, I realized I smelled like cigar smoke. I sprayed myself down with perfume, I mean doused and hoped for the best. I briskly walked to the train station and was on my way home.

When I got on the train, I took a seat by myself since I was one of the first ones on. A gentleman sat next to me, probably thinking I was a safe bet since I look pretty normal. As the train started rolling out of the station, I notice him sniffing the air and looking around. He sniffs in my direction. He sniffs in the other direction. There is no burly guy on the train that could possibly belong to the smell he is smelling. He glances in my direction again and is really confused. I am wearing a black and white sundress with my hair in a neat bun and smelling like cigars covered up by Victoria's Secret perfume. At this point it dawns on me that my perfume isn't doing a good job masking the cigar smell and I kinda laugh to myself once I realize that I am THE stinky person on the train! It's ME!

I post on Facebook that I am the stinky one on the train while quasi laughing. The train stopped and a few people got off around me but my seat mate is still there. He looks around to see if there is an empty seat. There is. He turns to me and says "I'm going to give you you're space!" and moves far far away from me! I couldn't believe it. I couldn't stop laughing to myself. I had to pretend that I was reading something funny on my Blackberry. It could have been the half a bottle of wine and two martini's that were helping my giddiness too but there you have it and my lesson learned- sometimes there is nothing you can do to prevent yourself from being that stinky person on the train.