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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

That Ma'am-Sir is Bird Sh*t!

This morning, even though it was freezing and brisk, I was reminded of my vacation in February to the Philippines. I was sitting on the train when a woman frantically was trying to open the bathroom door. No one on the commuter train actually goes in the bathroom. She couldn’t get the door open and was starting to panic. Since I was close, I was like “Oh great! I’m going to smell something soon.” She starts asking for tissues as she is holding out her arm like a rigid stick.

A woman with a baby grabs her wipes out of her bag “Will these work?” she says.

“That’s better than a tissue! Thank you! Thank you!” the rigid armed lady says to the woman with the baby. She starts wiping her arm and turns to everyone looking at her and says “A pigeon got me! Bird sh*t all on my arm!”

And that’s when I lost it because I too have been in a similar situation (but I kept it inside because I don’t want people to think I’m crazy…and ya know…blog about me)

I was caving in the Philippines when I set my hand down on a railing that I was actually allowed to touch. I felt something goopy under my hand. I didn’t think much of it because water was leaking from all around but then I realized that it wasn’t water, it was something else. I look up at our tour guide and have this horrified look on my face while I look at my hand. In his broken English he says to me “That Ma’am-Sir….is bird sh*t!” We nearly fell over in laughter. I was no longer concerned with my poopy hand. I was laughing with the best one liner (that he didn’t even know was a one liner) from that vacation. It was a good thing too because I left the essentials in the vehicle and anti-bac was nowhere to be found. This woman on the train was lucky enough someone had wipes available to her...and I was lucky to have a silly memory instead.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Patience is a Virtue

Patience served me well yesterday on my trek in to the city. I got to the train and noticed a lot of people on the platform. No biggie though, usually there are plenty of people on the platform and we all get on. Well, the train rolls in and it is packed. It was already standing room only. I get on the train and can only find space in the vestibule. Ya know… that space between train cars where you’re not allowed to stand but in extenuating circumstances when it’s already dangerous, you can stand their anyways because…why not just add a little more excitement to your commute in the morning when you haven’t had your coffee yet…Ya… that space!

One guy decides he is going to get off and wait for the next train after we find out that the Express Train never showed up and that was the reason behind the sardine packed train. I glance at my phone and see that there aren’t any notifications for the next train. I look at the clock. If I wait 8 minutes, I can get on a train and maybe have a seat.

I follow the guy and we stand on the platform and hope that the next train actually shows up. 6 minutes later (2 minutes early) the train arrives and we board. Hardly anyone is on the train. I get a seat all to myself. I get to read my magazine and sip my delightful hot beverage all by myself on an almost empty train. That beats the vestibule any day!

Happy Friday!

Friday, November 20, 2015

Networking and Missed Trains

A month ago I decided I needed to get out there and network.  My first networking event, I went alone and conservatively dressed. I jumped right in and thought things were going well until one man offered for me to stay at his place if I didn’t want to make the trip ALLL the way back home after my ONE glass of wine. I extended my hand and said “It’s been a pleasure to talk to you.” Then walked away.

I have gone to a few events now and it seems I walk away with more dates than business contacts. I thought about wearing a faux wedding ring but haven’t done that as of yet. However, my boyfriend was not traveling this week and we decided to go to one together.

A few groups formed and we settled in to a seating area when, in walks THAT GUY… the one that tried to take me home at the last networking event I saw him at. He spots me and is trying to play it cool when he knocks down the velvet ropes that gated off our reserved area. He then goes to the bar to get himself a glass of wine.

Wine in hand, he makes his way over to me and my boyfriend, whom I have to assume he thinks is a colleague or someone I just met by his confidence and cheesy swagger. I make introductions as we sit down. Conversation goes stale and I remember that this guy used to live out towards Napa so I ask about the wine he has chosen. He responds with “ The by the glass wines are not comparable to the bottles of wine for purchase.” He says to my boyfriend and I. He then turns to me and says “I would need someone who wants to split one with me. It’s no fun getting a bottle just for yourself.” I say “Well, we already have drinks. One is fine for me.” He then looks at my martini “Well, that’ll loosen you up for a bottle soon I’m sure.” I politely say “Oh no no no!”

After his pathetic attempt to try and get my boyfriend to leave the conversation, my boyfriend and I go into “we mode”. Weeeee have had a busy month. Weeeeeee have found some fun martini’s during our outings this past month. Weeeeeee live on the North Shore…..

The guy finally picks himself up and says “I need to go get some cheese!” and walks away. However, he forgets his wine glass on the table in front of us. He makes some connections by the cheese tray and then comes back, scoops up his wine and avoids us until he leaves. Since he walks by us, he feels obligated to say good bye. Comes over and says he hopes to see me at next month’s networking event.  I tell him “Perhaps!” (AKA No F*cking way!) and he is dumb founded that I am not committing to seeing him at the next function.

After this delightful (Sarcasm) evening, we make our way to the train. I know in my head we have to leave exactly at 9 to catch the train. Boyfriend says good bye to one more person and we are out the door at 9:03. We walk fast to the train but I have heels on and they keep getting stuck in the sidewalk. We arrive in the train station at 9:19. The sign says all aboard and we run to the platform. I read Track 1! Well, it was Track 7 not track 1. They look similar on the board when you whiz on by though and since Newburyport and Rockport are almost always on Track 1 or 2, I feel confident going towards 1. Get to track 1 and there isn’t a train. Look at track 7 annnnd there goes our train.

I melt down. I had had a long week…a long day at work and networking is hard. Luckily, my boyfriend convinces me that we need to go to a bar and have another drink since it was an HOUR and 20 MINUTES until the next train! We leave the train station but I am not willing to go far as I have speed walked nearly a mile and then sprinted the entire train station in stilettos. We go across the street to a tavern for drinks and apps. When we return to the train station, our train is called and we… and every Bruins fan in the WORRRRLD board the train. I can’t complain though because we did get a seat and we did get home!

TGIF! I am done with this week! Enjoy your weekend everyone!!!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

There is a Cow on the Track

Sooo, the last time I checked...i wasn't in New Hampshire anymore which you could imagine my surprise when the conductor got on the loud speaker to inform us that the train was delayed not by the error of the MBTA but because there was a cow on the tracks that wouldn't move and the farmer in which this cow belonged to, was not immediately available so they had to wait. They said if we'd like to make sure this doesn't happen again, we can find the farmer, track him down and tell him to keep better track of his cows! Yes... this happened! Good old New England!

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Skirts Flying and Burrito Warnings

Yesterday as I was heading to the train, it wasn’t raining too badly so I decided to walk instead of hopping on the T like everyone else. Half way to North Station, I realized that it wasn’t the rain I wanted to avoid, it was the wind. I was holding my umbrella and my hand bag while wearing a dress. Not a pencil, tight dress but one that flows. Well, on windy days you do not want flow-y skirts.

Every time I tried to cross a street, the wind would turn my umbrella inside out and I’d have to reach up and flip it right side out but in doing so, my hand was coming off of my dress as it was holding it down. I walked a mile like this. By the time I got near North Station it was either let everyone see my a*s or save my umbrella. Survival of a city girl I tell ya. I closed my umbrella because it wasn’t worth it but the rain picked up and I was getting pelted. I decided “F*ck it! Let everyone see my a*s!” and opened up my umbrella again. I was fortunate though… no one saw my a*s. The skirt of my dress just swooshed in the wind and luckily didn’t fly up!

I make it to the train and sit down in a seat with this guy on the window. After I sit down and start getting situated he leans in and tells me “I just ate a burrito.” I just look at him like “WTF” he continues. “I just ate a burrito so if you… ahhh… well you’ve been warned!”

F*ck my life! Is he telling me that because he ate a burrito, he is going to stink up this space? Luckily, my allergies are really bad right now and I didn’t smell a thing!

Almost Friday people! Almost Friday!!!

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Late Trains and Questionable Fluids

And so it begins. Yesterday the train was late by a half an hour due to mechanical problems. A train, dead on the tracks, got to be pushed in by another train…oh and the people waiting for those trains all stacked up at the train station to wait for the NEEEXXXTTT train to come. A train finally comes and it is standing room only. I get to stand in the aisle and it wasn’t a day I decided to wear comfy commuter shoes.

Today… train late again! Only by 10 minutes. However, had I had a warning notification like the ones I signed up for (on time at least and not after I get to the train), I could have hung with my pooch for another 10 min. Anyway, I get a seat today so that was good news! Today was also an office birthday. I love to bake and created this wonderful cake with a glaze (I love glaze because I suck at frosting things). I take my seat and put my cake on my lap. I think nothing of it because this cake carrier is iron clad. Nothing gets in. Nothing gets out.

We arrive at North  Station and I head to the T because I don’t want to walk a mile with a cake carrier. As I wait for the T, people are looking at my black pencil skirt. Particularly in the direction of my crotch. Um… why?! I look down and realize… F*CK the glaze drizzled and leaked out of the cake carrier and on to my black skirt. It looks… VERY QUESTIONABLE! Use your imagination folks! I panic in my head and then put the cake carrier in front of my skirt to hide the glaze. I want to tell these people “Look at the cake. See the glaze. It’s just glaze! My boyfriend is in China… it can’t even be what you think it IISSSS!” BUT, I keep quiet and hide my glazed skirt.

I board the T and try very hard on a sardine packed train not to lean on anyone. I continue to have my cake carrier in front of me. When I get to State, I b-line off the T and to my office building. I then b-line to the elevator and b-line from the elevator to the bathroom where finally, I can wet a paper towel (on my designer, dry clean only skirt… but it’s my only freakin’ option!) and wipe off most of the glaze. Finally, my skirt is kinda back to normal with a wet spot that I hope to GOD dries nicely and doesn’t ruin the fabric.

Luckily I am the first one in the office and can get settled in before anyone can see my wet skirt. Thankfully, the cake was a huge hit and worth the trouble getting it here! My skirt had also dried by the time cake was served!  

So, what have I learned today? Sign yourself up for a cake decorating class. Had you been able to frost, you wouldn’t have had “the glaze incident”.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Oh No! Put Your Leg Back On!

It’s been a busy few weeks but about a week and a half ago I took the bus home from the airport. It conveniently drops me in front of my door which is awesome!! We get on the train and there is a man with a prosthetic leg. A little kid sits across from him and is staring at it. The man whips his leg off and starts waving it around. “Haven’t you ever seen one before?” he yells to the three year old.

Stunned, the three year old shakes his head no.

The man’s face turns blank while he's flailing his leg about as he is realizing what he has done. He puts his leg back on and lowers his tone. “You see, I went to war 30 years ago. I was shot in the leg and got gang green and now, I have this to help me get around.”

The kid nods and is intrigued. He starts telling his battle stories to him and now they were buddies.

At first I wasn’t sure what to think. I didn’t know if this guy was going to lose it or not but in the end it did melt my heart a little to see him explain to the child what happened instead of being angry. I’m sure the child hadn’t seen that before and I feel by explaining he better understands so that in the future he doesn’t have to stare and wonder, he can look and be compassionate.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Don't Watch Me Pee!

OK, this has nothing to do with the train but it happened in a public place and I’m gonna go with it. So there!

Today, I have had a smoothie and a coffee annnnnd some water so therefore, I have to pee. I run to the ladies room after I throw my work bag down at my desk. There is a girl that is a little awkward that is on my floor that I sometimes run into in the ladies room but I let it go. (Hey, sometimes brilliant people are awkward and that’s ok!) When I get into the ladies room, I am the only one there. I hop in my stall (Yes, I have a stall…I’m a creature of habit!) I hear someone walk in but have no idea who it is until I see an eye ball in the crack between the stall door and the stall (wall?) You know…the crack where it locks. I look at the eye ball and recognize that it’s the awkward girl. “EXCUSE ME!” I say to her.

She runs down to the handicapped stall on the end and just stands in there. I finished up and washed my hands with ninja like speed as thoroughly as I possibly could to get out of there as quickly as possible.

So, let’s go over this… don’t put your damn eye ball up to the crack in the stall and watch someone while they pee! That is ALL!

Monday, September 14, 2015

Bring the Gym to the Train

I guess if you don’t have time to go to the gym, you bring the gym to the train! This morning on the way in, a guy in front of me decides that he is going to do chin ups on the luggage rack. I kept waiting for it to come crashing down but then realized that that thing is built to hold many many bags and a hundred and sixty pound man isn’t going to make it go crashing down. Very resourceful my friend. Very resourceful!

Friday, September 11, 2015

Crazy Phone Guy- Can't Find My Phone!

Last night on my way home on the commuter rail, I see a guy walk by me as he tries to get ahead of the crowd for our stop. As soon as he hits the door he realizes that he has misplaced his phone. Panic sets in on his face. He is toting a huge back pack, a helmet and a reusable grocery bag filled to the brim. He goes running down the aisle as we don’t have much time before he needs to get off. However, whacking people on the head with helmets, bags and groceries doesn’t get you many friends.

People rub their slightly injured arms and heads and look at him like he is the most evil person on the planet. I mean… I guess, I don’t blame them after a long day at the office right?!

Anyway, he gets to where he was sitting. He asks the people in the seat still if they see a phone. They haven’t. He literally has a minute before we are at our stop. He feels down the cracks of the seat and doesn’t feel it. He panics and screams at a girl to get off the seat. He then rips the bench off the seat and holds it in the air with one arm as he frantically scours under it for his phone. He retrieves his phone and holds it in the air like it is some trophy, throws down the bench of the seat not even caring where it lands and leaves the poor girl who stood up to fix the seat situation.

We arrive at our stop and he goes down the aisle once again whacking people in the head…aside from me, he actually stopped and let me out. Quite nice of him considering the fact that I stayed in my seat longer than I usually do to watch him for blog related matters. Oh well… I got up and let him go behind me as I got off the train first to try and beat the rain storm home…which I did!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

No More Missy Nice Girl!

Over the last four years, I have tried not to let the city harden me. I am a nice person and try to treat everyone with respect regardless of who they are. My biggest peeve about the train is when able bodied people stay seated and disabled or elderly stand. This morning I hop on the T and see a man in his 50’s with an ankle brace on and I happened to be sitting. I get up.

“Would you like to sit down?” I ask him.

“What…you think I’m too old to stand?” he screams at me like I just spit in his face or something.

“Oh no. I saw your brace. Would you like to sit?” I remain calm.

“You think I’m disabled now?” he screams back at me in front of a packed train and now everyone is looking at me.

“Absolutely not. I just didn’t want you to stand if you were in pain.” I say as I sit back down.

Everyone is silent. We go one stop and he gets off and the woman next to me tells me that I did the right thing.

Ok yes… I did the right thing but really, when people are like that, it really discourages me from being nice. The city hasn’t hardened me (too much) yet but I understand why people keep their heads down and keep to themselves. What is wrong with people that they scream out to people just trying to help?

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Another Injury

This year, the MBTA and commuting is just beating me up! Yesterday, I get out my card and scan it at the gates to get into the T at North Station. The gates open for me to pass through. I am not dilly dallying (And I have just become my mom… dilly dally… oh boy). I am actually hustling as fast as I can because there is a huge line behind me. As I walk through the open gates, they close on me. I bruise easily so I think to myself “That’ll leave a mark.”

I totally forget about it until this morning when I am getting ready and notice a blood blister on my shoulder that is the size of a dime where the gate hit me- slash- closed on me. A blood blister… not a bruise…not a mark…a blister. Luckily the outfit I chose today has capped sleeves and I can deal with this mess later but I’m not happy. My train commutes need to stop beating me!

That is all!

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

You Love Me? Um...No!

As I approached the train station this evening,  I am checking in with my mom to see how her day went. I tell her I am entering the station and she lets me go. I am about to walk through the doors and the man in front of me makes a huge effort to hold the door for me and doesn't realize I am on the phone. He says "Let me get that for you!" As I am saying "I love you." To my mom.

He lights up and says cheerfully "You do?"

As I haven't had the best day ever I don't even try to let the poor guy down easy. I just give him this glare that reads "WTF?" While saying "Umm....NO!"

The poor guy walked away deflated and sad but really...who goes around telling strangers they love them? Not me my friend! Not me!

Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Family Guy Hitting on Me! Gross!

This morning I had to get my vehicle inspected so I took a later train in. (Passed with flying colors by the way!). Anyway, later train in. I left my house with a few minutes to spare… or so I thought. I round the corner and see the train pulling in early. I am 2 blocks away so I start running in my ballet flats. Clearly not running shoes but I manage. Since it is a later train, I don’t have the luxury of people boarding and stalling for time so I run up the stairs and the ramp to the train. It certainly got my heart going and my blood pumping. I was the last one to board.

I turn to find a seat as I try to catch my breath.  I find a three seater that has just one guy in it. I sit down as I still try to catch my breath. I don’t want to sound like a wheezing hyena so I try to just take deep breaths until I am breathing normal again.

Picture the dad from family guy. Gross! He is the same body shape, same face and has on dirty “gym” clothes and a sweat headband. He turns to me and says “You ok?”

“Oh…sorry. I’m ok. I just had to run for the train.” I tell him.

“Oh. You work in Boston?”

“I do.”

“I used to go to school in Boston but I got kicked out. Something stupid. I’m fighting it.” He says. I am confused because he looks like he is 50.

“Oh, that’s too bad.” I say as I grab my book out of my bag.

“Ya. I’m getting off in Lynn to see if I can get it squared away.” He tells me.

“Oh. That’s the next stop.” I start grabbing my bags as it will come quick and I’ll need to let him out without his sweaty self touching me.

“Say, before I go can I get your number?” he asks as everyone is listening in.

“Um, this is Lynn. I have a boyfriend. You need to go now.” I tell him in my best attempt at being as nice as possible while failing miserably at being nice and kicking him off the train with everyone looking.

It’s almost Friday!

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

You Can't Unsee That Face

This morning I hop on the later train heading in to the city because I was running a little behind. My theory during rush hour is to grab the first seat I see because you don’t know if you’ll see another one. So, I hop on a double decker and the first seat is in the entry before the split along the wall. I sit down with an empty seat next to me. SCORE!

OK… I thought I had scored until the next stop…LYNN! UGH! This homeless guy with a Styrofoam coffee cup and an unlit cigarette hanging out of his mouth gets on with a few dirty bags and a couple “walking sticks”. He sees the seat next to me and unfolds it and plops all his stuff down. He sits next to me and his cigarette smelling clothes are touching mine. NOT OK WITH THIS!

After he is situated and touching me he sees that there is a bathroom across from us. “A bathroom. That’s perfect. I gotta take a sh*t!” He puts his Styrofoam coffee cup full of bad coffee down on the floor, rearranges his belongings to save his seat and heads to the bathroom. This is now my opportunity to get away. I grab my bag and look around for another seat but there isn’t anything open so I sit back down.

Just as I sit back down, the train jerks from a switch in the tracks and the door to the bathroom goes flying open and there he is…making a poop face while sitting on the toilet. YOU CAN’T UNSEE THAT FACE! He doesn’t even try to close the door! I refused to get up and close it for him so I just stair deep into my phone! Thank god for my phone! I wanted to read my book but sometimes when you are reading, people assume you can put the book down to talk but a phone…no one expects you to put down the phone and chat! He finishes whatever the heck he is doing and THANKFULLY before wiping, he closes the door again.

I try to find another seat AGAIN but the train is packed so I am stuck where I am. He finally comes out of the bathroom and shuts the door. It smells…I want to do my lotion trick (Lotion up my hands and stick them under my nose) but I am too afraid that if I put down the phone that he’ll talk to me. He was already talking to the air/ himself so I couldn’t take any chances so I decide to breathe in and out of my mouth and throw everything I just learned about yoga out the window (breathe in and out of your nose)!

The train conductor finally comes by and checks my ticket and the homeless guy starts telling the conductor how he just took an awesome dump in the bathroom. First time he’s gone to the bathroom on the commuter train and he loved it. Even had hand soap which he needed because “it was messy”! TMI buddy! Now I am gagging and can’t even finish my good coffee!

The conductor walks away to go check more tickets and this guy continues talking. My phone is about an inch from my face. I refused to make eye contact and by keeping the phone close, I felt I was shielded. Now the guy just keeps talking to himself. He’s rambling. Since I was pretending to be occupied on my phone, I just started typing his convo to himself.

“I’m going to China. Got a jet waiting for me. Brought all my sh*t to Chinatown to pre-payah. “

“I got my bag of dope right he-yah. I’m waiting though cuz I’m gonna see what the phah-macy has for me. Trust those mow-ah ya know? I rather those drugs than crack. Safer. Nevah know what they put in crack these days…”

“We need gas masks! Yes… all of us. We’ll need them. I hope you need them some day.”

Then some poor guy in khakis and a blue polo decides he will use the bathroom. (PS I never see anyone use the bathroom on the commuter rail and now…twice in one day!) The guy goes in and secures the door fully closed. He is in there a few minutes and comes on out and closes the door behind him.

The homeless guy turns to him “What were you doing in they-ah? You were choking the chicken weren’t ya? Weren’t ya!? You were in they-ah a little too long! I know you were jackin’ off.”

The whaspy guy ignores him and goes back to his seat (DAMN IT! I should have taken his while he was in there…too late now). The homeless guy follows him screaming “This guy just jacked off in the bathroom. See that smile on his face…it’s cuz he was jacking offfffffff!” The “jack off guy” sits down and the homeless guy comes back to his seat.

“No one laughed. That’s funny! I know that’s funny. No one laughed.” He tries to get me to talk but I keep my head in my phone. “Fine! You guys are all gonna go to your fancy offices and talk by the water cool-ah about some crazy guy on the train. That’s what you guys are all gonna do huh?!”

Finally the train got in to North Station and I thought to myself…no water cooler talk for me but you made the blog buddy!

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Wrong Side of the Tracks

This morning, I round the corner to find the train at the train station. It is on the side of the tracks I need. I am also running 3 minutes early to the train so I am confused. It can’t leave without me right? Don’t they have to wait until the time it’s supposed to depart? I don’t know the protocol. However, last night I gave myself 2 huge blisters by wearing new seasonably cute peep toes. So, I take my time and am ok with catching the next train that comes in fourteen minutes.

I get to the platform and no one is boarding. In fact, some people are getting off the train. The people getting off the train are not happy. Some of the guys getting off the train have beads of sweat on their foreheads and their work shirts are wet. Not a great way to start the day.

We are informed that that is the 7:10am train (it was now 7:45am). It had been stuck on the tracks and another train was coming behind to push it in the North Station. None of us get on either of the trains. There wasn’t electricity and it was a sauna. While we are waiting for those trains to leave, we hear another one off in the distance. It’s on the other side of the track and it was pulling in to the station in the direction we needed to go.

We all run (I briskly walk babying my blisters) down the stairs, under the bridge and up two flights of stairs to get to the platform, only to see it leave! It didn’t even wait. We are all disappointed and go back down two flights of stairs, under the bridge and up another flight of stairs to wait. Once we get to that side, the conductor tells us another one is coming through on the other side and to go back over there.

So, we turn around; go down a flight, under the bridge and up two flights again. As soon as we get over there, the dead train and the one pushing it, leave! Now, the other side is open for normal trains to go through so now what? What side do we wait on? If we stay over here and it comes in on the normal side where the trains just cleared out of, we miss it. If we go back to the inbound side and it does in fact come on the side the conductor said to wait on, we miss that. We have no idea where to go. Our only option was to wait under the bridge until we see which side of the trains the train was coming on.

Just as we are about to go wait under the bridge, the sign reads to stay on the outbound side. Low and behold, a few minutes later a train rolls in on the outbound side, we hop on and are finally on our merry way!

So, now that I have had my stair climber work out, I am ready to take on Tuesday!

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Are You Hitting on my Mom?

Last Friday my mom and I hop on a train into the city to see Bette Midler. She informs me that she hasn’t been on a train since 1978! She and my Aunt Jane went into the city to buy her wedding dress and of course, being the fashionista she is, my Aunt Jane knew all the places to go.

After she is done telling me the story, we find our seats on the double decker. She tells me “This isn’t so bad. I was expecting ratty seats like in the Trading Places movie.”

“If we go one car up or one car down, we will find those ratty seats mom. They still exist.” I tell her.

“Oh! Well, I’m glad you know where to go then.” She says thankful I didn’t throw her into a real commuter train experience and lucked out on the double decker with shiny new purple seats.

The train conductor comes up and asks for tickets. I have mine but we have to buy my moms. As we are paying, he starts hitting on my mom! Yup! The guy was younger than me!

“Round Trip?” he asks.

“No. We are getting picked up after the concert.” Mom says.

“Well, if you happen to be on the train after the concert, you find me ok?” he says with a WINK! “Have fun ladies. Hope to see YOOU later.” He says looking at my mom.

He walks away and she whispers “Are they always this nice?”

“No Mom! He was hitting on you.” I whisper back. “I’m lucky if I get a ‘Thank you’ when I flash my pass.”

“Really? Oh… I still got it! Ya know, my age doesn’t bother me…” she starts trailing off.

“MOM!” I cut her off.

“What? He’s cute!”

“MOM! He’s like my age!”

“OK! But I still got it!” She sits with a smile on her face.

We did end up taking the train back after the concert. It let out just as the train was about to leave so we hopped on instead of wait for our ride. It was much easier on everyone. However, lover boy was not on this train home but mom was still on her Bette Midler high so she didn’t even care.

Thursday, June 11, 2015

Quiet Car Drama

People take their quiet car pretty seriously! Last night, I ended up in the quiet car. No big deal for me since I like to read and don’t know anyone on the train really. All of a sudden, I hear loud, obnoxious gangster rap. I really don’t care. Compared to the normal train cars, it’s not that bad so I ignore it.  

All of a sudden, a woman a few seats up from me starts yelling in my general directions saying “You are in the quiet car! Turn it down!” The super preppy guy in front of me removes his ear bud and she says it again “Turn it down. You are in the quiet car buddy.” He looks around and is dumbfounded. He is looking for the person this woman is yelling at. He shrugs and puts his ear bud in. The lady yells again. “Turn it down!” She looks so irritated that I am waiting for her to jump over the seat and choke him. He turns around again trying to find the person she is talking to. The woman next to me says “She is talking to YOU! YOU need to turn your music down.” He shrugs and turns it down. I still here it but I don’t care.

What baffles me is A. his ear buds were so loud that people two rows up on the other side of the train could hear it and B. This woman was in the quiet car, yet she is screaming her fool head off to make a point interrupting everyone in the quiet car. Oh…and well! Not my problem. More drama going down in the quiet car than in my usual spot…maybe I just stick to the car ahead of the quiet car from now on.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Wine on the Train and Douching My Espresso Machine

Last night as I rode home on the train, I notice the guy next to me is drinking a fun drink out of a tetra pack. Ya know…the kind of packs your coconut water comes in. Although, upon closer inspection, I see that it is not coconut water or maple water… it is in fact WINE! Yes! Wine! The nerve of some people. I mean really… drinking wine out of a tetra pack on the train and not bringing one for ME!?

After I realize I don’t have my own handy little tetra pack of wine, I decide that when I get home, I’ll crack open a bottle of wine to make up for my lack of tetra pack sipping earlier. However, I get home and get distracted. I talk on the phone, take my dog to the beach to let out energy and by the time I come home, I totally forget I want wine. I start to make dinner and I eye my brand new espresso machine. I had already spent an hour and a half trying to prime the d*mn thing on Sunday and on Monday I called the maker directly to trouble shoot. They tell me it’s a dud and now I have to send it to a repair outlet to have it fixed. So, I tell my dad this on the phone before the beach while I was not drinking my wine (although I should have been for what I was about to have to do). He said to call the company I ordered it from and demand a new one. None of this refurbish bull sh*t. I paid for a brand new one.

So, while my asparagus and chicken were in the oven, I call to tell them that it’s a dud and that I trouble shooted for hours upon hours and I want a new one. The woman on the phone says “Did they have you force prime it?” I tell her that I didn’t get any tutorial on how to force prime it. I am excited. If I get this thing primed, then I will have a fabulous cup of espresso at my finger tips that maybe…just maybe… I’ll be able to enjoy with my dessert. Who needs wine when you can have a nice espresso? Huh?! My hopes are so up and I am willing to do anything!

“Do you have a turkey baster?” she asks.

“Yes. I hosted thanks giving a few years ago. It’s hiding somewhere. Let me find it!” I reply.

I dig through my utensil drawer and I have found turkey baster gold! I return to the call.

“OK! Got it!” I say.

“OK, remove your water tank and fill the baster with water. See the whole in the back of where the tank goes? Insert the baster and force the water through. You may have to do it a few times.”

With the hopes of getting this thing primed I do it. I suddenly feel like I am giving my freakin’ espresso machine a god d*mn douche! I mean really! What the f*ck am I doing! Ok…now…where is my wine glass. CRAP! I never opened the bottle. I am going to need wine to get through this! GEEEZ!

DING! The oven goes off and don’t want it to burn so I remove everything and start munching on asparagus while I douche this freakin’ machine. It’s not working by the way! Not at all!!

“It’s not working!” I tell the woman on the phone.

“You might have to call back tomorrow. I am not a technician. They went home for the evening. I just answer the phones.”

My first thought is “Ok… is this woman f*cking with me?” ( Later I confirmed via youtube video that she wasn’t!)

We end our conversation and I look at my dinner. I have eaten all the asparagus and the potato salad I put on the plate and am left with just one piece of chicken. I sadly take my one piece of chicken to the table to finish eating and totally…once again forget about getting my wine and to boot, ZERO espresso!

This guy on the train was on to something though; wine on the train isn’t a bad idea. Having a little unwind time before evening activities (such as douching an espresso machine) might be nice.

Monday, June 1, 2015

Bundled Up For June 1st

Attire for June 1st:

·         Winter Jacket

·         Scarf

·         Gloves

·         Heattech Tights from Uniqlo

·         Black Skirt

·         Turtle neck cashmir sweater

·         Knee high socks

·         Hunter Rain Boots*

·         Umbrella

Yes…this was my attire for June 1st! It was a whopping 49 degrees out and down pouring. Oh, and might I mention that while I waited for the train, I was wishing I wore warmer items like…my abominable snowman jacket (AKA hideous down puffy jacket that goes to my knees but keeps me nice and toasty) and a hat** . Why was I wishing I wore warmer items because what I wore should have been sufficient? Oh… that would be because I waited in the pouring, raw, cold rain for an hour and fifteen minutes on the train platform because the train decided to have a signal problem and delay everything! Oh, and during that hour and fifteen minutes of bone chilling fun, an express train swooped on by, therefore spraying us and therefore rendering our umbrellas completely useless.

A train finally pulled in to pick us up and we were all our way to North Station. I got to North Station and hopped on the T toward the office. All I wanted was a nice warm caramel macchiato from the Starbucks in the lobby on my way up to my office but NO! The line was out the door and I had to tell myself no because I was already an hour and a half late for work!

Awesome Job MBTA! Great way to start our Monday!

*Yes the ones ruined by the as*hole foot stomper but I haven’t replaced them yet and wasn’t about to wear winter ones…although I could have! They look fine…just upon close inspection they have a tear and no one is inspecting my feet…at least I hope not and If you are, get over your disgusting foot fetish. Eyes up here buddy…eyes up here!

**Hat not initially worn for fear of ruining hair! My hair did make it to the office unscathed thank you very much! J

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Welcome Back To Boston Honey!

My boyfriend had an appointment in the city so we decided he’d take the train in with me in the morning. My CEO is in town today so I needed to catch the early train. We may have hit snooze a few times and may have let the dog take her time sniffing 500 million things on our morning walk. When we got home we ran around frantically getting ready and rushed so we could catch that earlier train that I just HAAAAD to make. The poor guy hardly got in a good shave, was forced to use my Keurig instead of the coffee maker and wound up with one of my foo foo vanilla latte sweet coffees…and to boot, I did laundry last night and set his Armani sweater out to dry not realizing he’d like to wear it today and he had to throw on an almost dry Armani sweater as we dashed out the door.

We make it to the train platform on time and wait for the train as we sip our foo foo coffees. As the train conductor rolls in he says “Good morning!” to us as he passes by in the open door that we are about to board. He then says “We have no electricity.” I think I hear him wrong and then he says it again! Yup! Zero electricity!

As we board, I think we have a shot at finding seats together since the MBTA has been smooth sailing since it got out of its winter slump. HA! I was way wrong. Not only do we not find seats together…we don’t find seats at all! Turns out the train ahead of us was canceled so there are two train loads of people on this thing and it’s standing room only!

So now, we stand there with our foo foo coffees in the aisle…in the dark…as the train car slowly becomes a sauna.

We got to North Station and decided against taking the T and walked the rest of the way. Later on, I realized that the conductor never came through to check tickets soooo at least his awesome re-introductory train ride was complimentary.

Welcome back to Boston Honey!

P.S. My CEO never made it to town and I didn’t have to be in the office  early after all! OY Vey!

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Oooh! I Saw Him Again

I saw him! I saw the guy that smashed my foot! You may recall from last weeks post:
He was about 20 feet away from me though. I noticed him because a woman shrieked “OUCH!”

Obviously when you are on the train and someone hears “Ouch!” you look. So I flipped around to see what was going on. I saw this large man pinned up against her on one side and a pole on the other side of her. “I’m so sorry!” he said as he threw himself off of her.

She basically brushed it off like I did and told him not to worry about it and that is when I recognized him. “Well, this guy doesn’t know how to balance very well.” I thought. THEN, I see him take his beanie hat off and put it between his hand and the pole. Is this guy a certifiable “What-about-Bob” kind of germaphobe? Is that why he is going around bashing innocent bystanders because he doesn’t want to touch germs to maintain balance? What a dick! Carry some antibac and get the f*ck over it buddy!

I wish I was standing closer to him so I could have said something! However, when you are 20 feet away and start screaming at a stranger, then you become the crazy one, soooo I held off!  

Thursday, April 30, 2015

You Ruined My Hunters and My Foot!

Last week, it was raining! I did what any city girl would do: Wear her Hunters and Hop on the Subway!

It was the morning. It was a sardine packed train. A large man packed himself in beside me and the T took off. He didn’t have his balance and ended up slamming down on my foot. He apologized and felt awful. My foot was throbbing but I figured I’d just walk it off. I got to work and upon removing my Hunters, I see on the top, a big gash across the one that was holding my boo boo foot! How the heck are they rain boots with a huge gash in them! I mean really!? I started to boil. In fact, I was too mad to even type. I had to cool down.

After removing the gashed Hunter, I inspected my foot. It wasn’t swollen so I figured it was nothing.  I went on with my day in my 4 inch stilettos while trying desperately not to look like I was limping. I reeled in my walking and iced when I could. After a week, I was still feeling pain and still trying not to look like I was limping in my stilettos (I wore flats when I could!)

I went to the Doctor’s office yesterday. The Doctor inspected my foot and grew very concerned. She then sent me to the emergency room down the street for X-Rays because it was either a fracture or a bruised bone.

My results came in. It thankfully was not a fracture. However, it’s severely bruised. She instructed me that I can no longer tough it out in stilettos and have to wear sneakers at work. This is horrifying! A bruise AND sneakers! I also have to ice it when I can and pop extra strength Tylenol like it is candy.

So, thanks Buddy! I know it wasn’t intentional but you SUCK! Not only did you give me a boo boo foot. You ruined my Hunters. Talk about add insult to injury! Lesson learned: Don’t invest money into commuter shoes!

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Mothball Etiquette

Let's start by saying I despise  mothballs and it’s that time of year when people are taking clothing out of storage for the new season. PS…why are people still storing clothing between seasons…build a bigger closet! That’s what I did. Voila… no more storage issues. No more mothballs. However, if you aren’t building yourself a bigger closet here are a few pointers so I don’t have to sit next to your smelly a*s on the train! (Can you tell my coffee was nonexistent this morning?)  Not to mention mothballs are poisonous and I don’t need to be touching that!

·         Put your clothes in RubberMaid Tubs.

·         Put your clothes in garment bags

·         Use Cedar Chips

·         Use Sachet’s. Lavender is nice!

If you MUST use mothballs…do us all a favor and wash your clothes like…five (hundred) times before they resurface for the season! Please…and thank you!

That is all!

Monday, April 6, 2015

My Heart Dropped!

Oh my goodness, my heart dropped this morning. I get on the T at North Station and we head to Haymarket. When we get in to Haymarket, people notice there is room for people to move down and make room for others to get on. While doing this, a little boy is thrust onto the T while the mom and her daughter wait on the platform. Well, wouldn’t you know, while they are waiting patiently for everyone to move in, the doors close separating the little boy from his mom and sister? The doors closed so fast that the little girls face was brushed with them.

My heart dropped. I was horrified that this poor kid was potentially on his way alone in a crowded train without his mother.

Luckily about 20 seconds later, the doors reopened because someone in another train car wasn’t all the way in. I sighed relief and I could see the moms relief too as she tried not to panic in front of her small children. The little girls smile was from ear to ear that she was with her brother again.

Oh my goodness though… could you imagine!? I sure as hell can’t! Lesson learned, when you have small kids, you enter the train all at the same time!

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Hard Knock March Madness Lessons

Last year, I was so excited to be included in my March Madness pool at the office. In an office full of guys, I tend to get left out. Not on purpose, it just happens to go that way.

I had no idea how to do my picks. I looked into it and everyone had a different theory on how to pick their teams. By stats, by color, by state… clearly I went by color since I didn’t know that first thing about stats. I threw in my 25 bucks and my sheet and was good to go.

That night I was on the train and I was sitting with my train friend John. He asked how my day was at the office…ya know…typical small talk.

I told him how I was so excited to be included in the office March Madness Pool even though I had no idea what I was doing.  He chuckled and goes “The only reason why people in my office include people like you is to build the pot.” I laughed and thought “No way!”  and joked that my color scheme brackets will take me places!

By the end of the week, I held the record for the person to go out of the bracket pool the quickest! I didn’t even last a week. I mean… picking brackets based on team colors isn’t the best strategy but it’s a strategy!

This year, the pool came around again. I politely declined. I’ll be taking myself out to lunch instead of cushioning the pot!

Hard knock train lessons right there! Enjoy March Madness everyone! GO Purple team!!

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

I Took The Bus!!!

This weekend on my way home from Connecticut, I stopped for gas about a mile down the street from my house. I noticed an awful smell coming from my front wheels. I looked at it and didn’t notice anything and a guy came over and checked them for me. He told me how his daughter was around my age and he’d hope that if someone saw his daughter in need, they’d help her so he did what he hopes someone would do for him. He said my brake pad was missing on the driver side and it was metal on metal on just that one side.  My rotor was so hot and the friction caused all the heat and that awful smell. He said I could drive it home but not to scare me, it could cease up. I drove it home and had it towed to an auto body shop. So, yay it got there. Now…the tricky part was picking it up. I don’t really have anyone local to bring me since I recently moved to the area and an Uber would take forever to get to me so I googlemapped my way to the body shop on public transit. I ended up taking the train from work one stop passed my stop and connecting to a bus. I have never taken an MBTA bus before so I was nervous. I mean… I am the train girl but busses…forget it! Those are intimidating to figure out.

At the train station, I walked over to the bus pick up. I looked for a sign for the 450 bus. There was a sign for every bus BUT the 450! As busses pulled up and people got on and left, I wondered if I needed to wait for the 450 bus somewhere else. I then notice these two women standing around. I ask them if the 450 bus will stop here. They were so sweet and took me under their wing. They happened to be waiting for the 450 bus as well.

A bus pulled in that said “Out of Service”. The women knew it would become the 450 bus. We waited for him to change his sign and then we boarded. We were the only ones on the bus. They then asked me where I was going and taught me how to use the “STOP” buttons. They got off. Wished me good luck and were on their merry way. When it was close to my stop I walked up and stood near the door. The driver asked where I was heading and I told him I was picking up my car at the auto body and was hoping my brakes were working properly now. He stopped the bus right outside the auto body shop and as I got off the bus he says “Good luck love!”.

I got off the bus in front of the shop and had this epiphany moment. A.) Riding the bus isn’t that bad B.) There are some good people still out there C.) I am independent and can figure sh*t out on my own. It was a great feeling! After a year of being on my own, I finally realized I really can rely solely on myself when I have to and that’s OK!

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Thoughts of a Delayed MBTA Rider

My thoughts yesterday whilst being stuck on the commuter train for nearly 2 hours:

1.       YES!! I made the 5:30 and they are making ALL STOPS! Yahoo!

2.       Maybe I’ll find a seat if I keep walking.

3.       Oh, everyone is stopping. No worries I’ll just ride in the vestibule where there is a sign that states “PASSENGERS NOT PERMITTED TO RIDE IN VESTIBULE”.

4.       I’ll be safe! They wouldn’t let me ride here if it wasn’t…right? They’d come kick me out.

5.       Oh, 10 other people are cramming into the vestibule with me. I hope they don’t smell…

6.       UGH! That one looks like she would smell.

7.       Oh good, she is going next to the door and cracking the window. OHH and she announces that she’s having a hot flash. Poor lady.

8.       OK, it’s 5:30. We should be moving. Why aren’t we moving?

9.       Switch problem…on the bridge. No problem. I don’t have anywhere to be right now or anything.

10.   You appreciate my patients? Does MBTA really appreciate my patients?

11.   Gross…that artsy lady has a booger hanging out of her nose.

12.   Do I have boogers stuck in my nose? (Selfie check in phone. Damn my hat is cute! OK.. no boogers! I’m safe!)

13.   Still not moving! So glad I didn’t get that end of the day coffee! Coffee goes right through me.

14.   UGH! I really wish I did have that coffee…exhausted from standing with work bag and purse…my poor shoulders.

15.   I just want to rest my head. Think ‘Hot Flash’ will mind if I just rest my head on her. I mean she is leaning on me while hanging out the window.

16.   Never mind…she is sweating. Gross. Don’t want to ruin my cute hat!

17.   Oh we’re moving forward! Yay!

18.   Why do I hear it creaking under my feet? F*cking Vestibule!

19.   Oh wait…now we are going back to the station…what the…

20.   The switch needed to be tested…wait a minute… is that what we just did. Were we the testers? Is that dangerous to do…I AM RIDING IN THE VESTIBULE PEOPLE!

21.   Oh… and we’re moving forward again.

22.   What’s that smell? Is that brake dust? Metal on metal? Are we going to die? How much weight do you think this is carrying?

23.   (Train takes sharp corner and I go flying. Artsy catches me.) “Oh thank you! I nearly fell flat on my face!”  I say to her while thinking- Sh*t, did that booger land on me?

24.   Nope. Booger still there!

25.   Oh here’s my stop! Phew! Ok… vestibule is kind of handy. I don’t need to crowd surf to get off the train. I am right here!

26.   Ok! I survived. I survived!

27.   You deserve a glass of wine...or a bottle….ya....a bottle!

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

What Do You Do?

The other night I sat down in a two seater next to the window. An older woman sat down next to me and I recognized her from the train stop I usually get on and off at. She smelled like booze and whipped out her phone. After a while of texting, she broke down sobbing. She took off her glasses and wiped her face with her hand. I didn’t say anything and continued reading.

She started crying again and was trying very hard to hide it. I went through my bag knowing I had tissues. I pulled out my tissue pack and offered it to her. She refused it. I didn’t even know what to do. I am just trying to be nice and her tears are just pouring down her face. I felt so bad…and I am stuck awkwardly on the inside seat until our stop.

I continue reading and try to pretend I don’t notice that she is just miserable next to me.

The train ride felt like forever. We finally get to our stop and she stands up, still crying and looks at me and mouths “Thank you.” to me and winked. I smiled back and I felt much better after that. Not because my niceness was acknowledged but because it seemed as though she was calming down and was going to be ok after we got off the train.

I have no idea what made her upset but sometimes just knowing someone is sitting next to you with a tissue for you is what you need whether you accept it or not.

Thursday, February 26, 2015

You Are All Animals!

I get to North Station today with minimal problems. I decide that since I am wearing a dress and my legs were cold, that I’d take the T.

The T comes and people get off and this woman that was already on, reboards. I get on behind her and I probably should have been the last one on. However, the people behind me thought otherwise. They start pushing me into this woman and I apologize. She turns to me and says with her Chanel sunglasses on and her b*tch face “You people are f*cking animals! You are all acting like animals! This is disgusting! I am so sick of this!”

What is she so sick of? Sardine packed trains aren’t a new thing because of the weather. During rush hour it happens 99.99% of the time. Sooo she is either new to riding the T as of this month and thinks this will go away or she is just not coming to grips with the reality of the train. Either way… suck it up princess!

The guy behind me starts in on her “We’re animals huh? Really? You should see what they do in Tokyo. This is nothing! NOTHING!”

“Well, we aren’t in Tokyo. You people disgust me. I don’t even have a place to hold on to now because of you people.” (Side note: YES SHE DID She was just being dramatic.)

Another guy chimes in “Tokyo is great!”

“Oh, world traveling animals. Isn’t that cute?” she says from behind her Chanel sunglasses.

We ignore her.

“Ya know! I have something sticking in to my a*s! I have no idea what it is but I don’t like it!” she screams in her b*tch tone.

I look behind her since she has repositioned herself to face “the animals” which apparently includes me because I was body slammed into her. It’s a guy with the puffiest North Face jacket on. I mean… sh*t happens and things do poke you buuuttttt through a bubble coat, I’m thinking maybe not.

We pull into Haymarket and no one gets off. The doors close and we are off to State Street. Once we get to State, she high tails if off the train asfast as she can to get away from “The Animals”.

Say┼Źnara Princess!

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

I Got a Seat and Potentially a Cold

I got a seat today! I got on the train and there happened to be a middle seat open between two older men. I ask the guy on the aisle if I could sit down. He agrees, gets up and lets me in. Now, you’d think I’d be excited…WRONG!

No sooner than I sit down, do these two guys have flemmy coughing fits! I figure they will stop soon. NOPE! One reaches in his pocket for a cough drop and pops it in his mouth. Do you think that stopped the fit? NO! I hold my breath but I quickly realize that this will go on longer than I can possibly hold my breath.

I wrap my scarf around my face and try very hard not to need oxygen for the remainder of the train ride as these two have a coughing standoff with me in the middle!

I’ll be chugging orange juice and Beracca like it’s my job today!

That is all!

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Oh MBTA- Get it together...

Oh MBTA…Get it together!

Last night, I walked to North Station. I figured it was a safer bet than taking the Orange line. Once I got there, I was prepared to take the 5:40pm train home and was prepared for delays thrown at me as well. I was on the phone with a friend when I heard over the loud speaker that a 5:30pm express train was making ALL the stops which included mine! Yippee! I quickly hung up with my friend and B- Lined it to the train.

I quickly realized that was everyone else’s plan too. It was standing room only. Sardine packed on the commuter rail! Squished! People were standing everywhere.

We are then crawling out of North Station. I couldn’t even believe how packed it was. The conductor comes over the loud speaker telling us that even though it ‘s a packed train, there are only two…TWO conductors on the train and therefore two…ONLY TWO doors will open!

I am in the MIDDLE OF THE TRAIN! No matter which way I go, I have to climb through the masses.

I am irritated and happy at the same time! I am on the train! YAY! I will have to crowd surf to get out of here! Not Yay!

A guy near me pulls out a pack of peanuts. I can smell them. I don’t want them. In fact I am allergic to peanuts (Although, I eat Reeses cups because they are worth the pain! HA!) BUT Just to have some fun and to see what I could get away with, I tell the guy I am severely allergic to peanuts and he needs to put them away since it is so packed I don’t think medical attention could get to me before I die! Hey… I have to entertain myself somehow right?!

He apologizes and puts them away quickly. I say a quick thank you and we are done.  However, the women next to me hear me and start talking about how it’s a rule at school that their kids can’t bring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because of a sever allergy and they never thought of it on the train…blah blah blah.

Anyway, plotting my escape from the sardine packed train, I am the third stop and hope that people get off before me to make my trek to the door a little more pleasant.

NOPE! Not the case! At the stop prior to mine, a small group of us start making our way to the door. I felt like I was in a mosh pit…remember those?...are they still around?... when you are 29 (again), you may start to date yourself. Any who… the train is jostling back and forth and I am bumping in to people that perhaps in real life…like real-real life and not on a train, I wouldn’t want to bump into!  Not even in a mosh pit!

I finally get to my stop and am off the train. I am home by 6:45pm. Not too bad. I check my emails and find that trains after me were delayed between 50 minutes to 2 hours. Even though my ride was tight, I made it home and that’s better than waiting 2 hours!