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Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Wine on the Train and Douching My Espresso Machine

Last night as I rode home on the train, I notice the guy next to me is drinking a fun drink out of a tetra pack. Ya know…the kind of packs your coconut water comes in. Although, upon closer inspection, I see that it is not coconut water or maple water… it is in fact WINE! Yes! Wine! The nerve of some people. I mean really… drinking wine out of a tetra pack on the train and not bringing one for ME!?

After I realize I don’t have my own handy little tetra pack of wine, I decide that when I get home, I’ll crack open a bottle of wine to make up for my lack of tetra pack sipping earlier. However, I get home and get distracted. I talk on the phone, take my dog to the beach to let out energy and by the time I come home, I totally forget I want wine. I start to make dinner and I eye my brand new espresso machine. I had already spent an hour and a half trying to prime the d*mn thing on Sunday and on Monday I called the maker directly to trouble shoot. They tell me it’s a dud and now I have to send it to a repair outlet to have it fixed. So, I tell my dad this on the phone before the beach while I was not drinking my wine (although I should have been for what I was about to have to do). He said to call the company I ordered it from and demand a new one. None of this refurbish bull sh*t. I paid for a brand new one.

So, while my asparagus and chicken were in the oven, I call to tell them that it’s a dud and that I trouble shooted for hours upon hours and I want a new one. The woman on the phone says “Did they have you force prime it?” I tell her that I didn’t get any tutorial on how to force prime it. I am excited. If I get this thing primed, then I will have a fabulous cup of espresso at my finger tips that maybe…just maybe… I’ll be able to enjoy with my dessert. Who needs wine when you can have a nice espresso? Huh?! My hopes are so up and I am willing to do anything!

“Do you have a turkey baster?” she asks.

“Yes. I hosted thanks giving a few years ago. It’s hiding somewhere. Let me find it!” I reply.

I dig through my utensil drawer and I have found turkey baster gold! I return to the call.

“OK! Got it!” I say.

“OK, remove your water tank and fill the baster with water. See the whole in the back of where the tank goes? Insert the baster and force the water through. You may have to do it a few times.”

With the hopes of getting this thing primed I do it. I suddenly feel like I am giving my freakin’ espresso machine a god d*mn douche! I mean really! What the f*ck am I doing! Ok…now…where is my wine glass. CRAP! I never opened the bottle. I am going to need wine to get through this! GEEEZ!

DING! The oven goes off and don’t want it to burn so I remove everything and start munching on asparagus while I douche this freakin’ machine. It’s not working by the way! Not at all!!

“It’s not working!” I tell the woman on the phone.

“You might have to call back tomorrow. I am not a technician. They went home for the evening. I just answer the phones.”

My first thought is “Ok… is this woman f*cking with me?” ( Later I confirmed via youtube video that she wasn’t!)

We end our conversation and I look at my dinner. I have eaten all the asparagus and the potato salad I put on the plate and am left with just one piece of chicken. I sadly take my one piece of chicken to the table to finish eating and totally…once again forget about getting my wine and to boot, ZERO espresso!

This guy on the train was on to something though; wine on the train isn’t a bad idea. Having a little unwind time before evening activities (such as douching an espresso machine) might be nice.

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