‘Tis the season for Holiday Parties and last night seemed to be the night of many holiday parties including mine. I left my holiday party at about 9pm to catch the 9:40 train at North Station. I was on an awkward side of town and would have required me to hop on a bus, hop on the red line and then hop on the orange line. I was all set with trying to figure that out after a few margaritas so I planned on cabbing it. I walked about four blocks before I found an empty cab. I hopped in and had him drop me off at North Station.
When I got to North Station, the train was already boarding. Since it was late at night, only a few train cars were open. I walked all the way down to the first train car that was open and sat in the first seat I could find. Once I sat down, I realized I made a mistake but it was too late to switch my seat.
To the right of me was a white trash drunk couple and to the left of me was a guy who flipped on the Suze Orman show on his laptop sans earbuds. Greaaaat!
Once the train started to move the white trash drunk couple started to make out. The woman was bigger than fat bastard! The guy had a walking cane. I over hear “I’m gonna sexy smack you with my sexy cane!” from the guy. The woman drunk gurgles back “You put that sexy cane away.” As she sprawls out on the seat and he starts necking her. I am quickly losing my buzz.
I try to focus on something else. I am in no condition to read. I’d probably fall asleep and miss my stop if I did that so I whip out my blackberry and start scrolling through my facebook feed. However, I have Suze Orman yapping in my ear “You can’t afford it girl friend! DENIED!”
The conductor comes to check the passes and the white trash drunkin’ sexy cane couple that’s sexy smacking doesn’t even look up. The conductor clears his throat “Tickets and passes please!” They look up all confused. The woman drunk gurgles “We have to pay him.” Sexy cane guy reaches for his wallet and pays. The conductor moves on and they start necking and he starts smacking her with his sexy cane again.
I close my eyes to avoid witnessing this. Then quickly realize that I could fall asleep so I open them again and burry my head in my blackberry once again. Forty five minutes later, I am at my train station and of course the white trash sexy cane couple gets off the train too and is in front of me. I speed pass them even though my feet are killing me from standing at the holiday party in stilettos and walking those blocks before getting a cab but I didn’t care. The faster I walked, the faster I got away from them. I finally got in my truck and sped out of there. I wanted to be sure I got home before these people were behind the wheel.
Be safe and Happy Holidays Everyone!