Penis Phone Guy

Don’t worry! That’s just my phone!

I get into a SPT (Sardine Packed Train) this morning. This one girl behind me is like “Can you people push in more? I can’t wait 8 minutes!” So, she pushes her way on to the train and I get backed up against this guy in a sweatshirt (hoodie up) and huge a*s sunglasses on. We go all the way to Haymarket when all of a sudden I feel something pop up against my back. He whispers to me all creepy like “Don’t worry! That’s just my phone!”

Riiiiiiiiiight! I don’t know what kind of phones you have buddy but I am pretty sure they don’t just pop up out of nowhere in the shape of your penis! Just sayin’!

I don’t say anything. I don’t want to engage in any way with this creep and try to remember, where in my purse, my pepper spray is located.  Just after this creepy encounter I hear the conductor say “Due to a Medical Emergency, we will remain here until further notice.” GREEEEAT! Now I am stuck up against this creepy penis phone guy until this “medical emergency” is cleared.

Another guy next to me, checks his phone (not his penis phone…his real slim smart phone). He says “I hate to be a pain but I have to get off and try to make my meeting.” He gets off the train which alleviates some room and I get to move away from penis phone guy and give him a death look until we get to State.

When we get to State, he has to get off the train to let me off, when I do, I give him one of those “accidentally/on purpose” shoulder slams and give him one more death look for good measure.

Ohh the joys of public commuting!