Pleasantly Surprised

Yesterday on my break, I took a walk down to Faneuil Hall. They were setting up for the President’s speech and everything was blocked off and people started to fill in on the steps near Government Center. I thought to myself that if the President’s speech was going to end around the time I was leaving work, then I’d be so screwed getting through a packed in crowd to the train or be stuck with the crowd on the T. Either way, equally screwed.  

I went back to work and decided not to worry about it. I’d figure it out.

Just before I leave, I get an email from MBTA. They say that the Orange line is stopped both ways due to the motorcade. Now I know I have to walk through the Faneuil Hall mess.

I pack up my things and get another email from MBTA stating that the Orange line is back up and running. I decide against taking the train since it has been stopped for 10 minutes and the backup of people waiting for the T has got to be insane. I decide to walk anyway.

As I approach Faneuil Hall, the crowd is dispersed. Everyone seems to be walking in the same direction as I am AND they are walking at a decent pace!! The police kept everyone moving and I actually got to North Station 5 whole minutes before I usually do. I was delightfully surprised!

So, nice job to the polices, Obama speech watchers and the World Series spectators.

AND Also…. GO SOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be Grateful You Turd! This is Nothing!

This morning I hop on at North Station. The T is packed to the brim when it arrives and only two people get off. A lady in front of me gets on, I get on and one guy behind me packs his way on too. He yells “This sucks!”

I felt like saying “You think this sucks? At least you are on the train and don’t have to wait 9 minutes until the next one like the others stuck on the platform.”

OR

“You are hopping on a train during rush hour from North Station. What did you think was going to happen? You’d hop on, have ample room and even get a seat… NO!”

OR

“Today is the World Series AND Obama is making a speech today. This is a walk in the park. You just wait ‘til later you turd!”

BUUUT I kept my mouth shut and rolled my eyes along with the woman that got on in front of me.

That being said, let’s see if I can keep my mouth shut and just roll my eyes later when I have to deal with Obama Speech watchers and World Series spectators. Let’s see how this goes later. Wish me luck!

Would the Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up?

Welcome to my Tuesday. This morning, I make my coffee before running out the door. I throw my cream and sugar in and head down to the garage. On my way, I take a sip of my coffee and discover that I am drinking hot water, cream and sugar. I realize that I forgot to put a K-cup in my Keurig.

As I am trying not to gag, I run back upstairs to remake my coffee. Luckily I wasn’t running too far behind this morning and the Keurig was already warmed up. Once I have my coffee the way I like it…with coffee in it, I run to my car and fly over to the train station. I am very grateful that I took a sip prior to arriving at the train because to take that sip on the train and not be able to fix it, would have completely ruined my morning.

Once I am at the train station and because I cut it so close to boarding time, the scrolling screen is flashing “Please Stand Back. Please Stand Back.” SOO, what gets stuck in my head for the remainder of my commute?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadies are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
Please stand up, please stand up…..

Hello Monday

Oh Monday! How lovely to see you again.

OK, maybe not. Today as I get on the sardine packed T, I briefly glance over to see this rat tail of a thing in my face. I jump because it’s just nasty! Upon closer inspection, it’s a guy’s goatee that is about a foot long and it is secured with a dozen or so hair elastics all the way down. All I can think about is how nasty it is and how it just HAS to be infested with bugs or some sh*t and it is right by my head.

Then, we get to Haymarket and people need to get off. So, I hop off so they can get off as I am in their way. Do you think the Weeble in front of the door moves? NO! She makes a feeble attempt at sucking in her belly so she doesn’t lose her spot on the train. Meanwhile, stick figure me hops off to allow a 6 foot, broad shouldered man off. He was not happy having to get by the Weeble and I believe he “accidentally-on purpose” smacked her in the arm with his work bag. Oopsy!

We pile back on the train and head to State. The doors open up and I hear the wonderful…I mean like nails on a chalk board…sound of this woman playing the recorder! Yup! The recorder! That instrument you had to play in music class to pacify your music teacher that you could in fact apply musical notes to an instrument.

So, there you have it: My Monday morning back to work. Lovely.

The World Series

For the last two days the World Series has been in town. Oh Joy! While I am excited the Sox have another shot at the title, the tourists that it brings just throws wrenches in my commute.

Wednesday- I got out of work early. I had ample time to make the early train. I hopped on the T which seemed generally roomie when I got on. I was psyched. I totally was taking the early train. Then…we get off at North Station. I don’t even know why these people were in North Station. They were going the wrong way. Fenway is in the other direction. However, they were head to toe in Sox gear sooo, my suspicions of them being World Series spectators is most likely correct.

Anyway, they all get on the escalator and just stand there. They don’t even leave the “left lane” open for me to pass. Then, we get to the top and they all disperse making it impossible to weave. None of them know where they are going. They are blinded by the guy selling T-shirts, the cool train sign, the ticket machines. They are also just looking around, wide eyes and “bushy tailed”. I mean… it’s JUST a T Station people, GET MOVING!

We finally head down the hall way and they kind of move over so I can pass. However, there is oncoming foot traffic so once again, can’t pass. It is now 5:08pm and I have two minutes to catch the train which is usually ok but with these people moving at the pace of snails, it might not work.

I get to the stairs and escalator. I head up the stairs because most people hop on the escalator. Do you think people took the escalator like I predicted? NOPE! They walk 3 wide up the steps and now I have to walk like a snail up the steps. I finally get to the top and try to high tail it out the door and into North Station. NOT happening. These people are confused. Is this the entrance to the Garden or the Station…So, they stop dead and don’t open the doors and now there is a pile up. I finally push my way through the crowd. “It’s BOTH!” I scream at the head to toe dressed Red Sox fan…I felt like saying “It’s both! AND by the way… Sometimes, less is more!” BUUT held that last part in.

They look at me like I am a b*tch and maybe my tone was a little b*tchy but if you’re gonna be in the city, get thicker skin! Maybe if you had thicker skin, you wouldn’t need all that Sox shwag hanging off of you. Just sayin’!

I finally get in to North Station and look at the screen. 5:09 ALL ABOARD! I pick up the pace but it is IMPOSSIBLE to run! They are just all mulling about staring at the ceiling probably looking for the beer garden. I finally get on the platform after I cut through the crowd and as I do, the train pulls away. I am not the only one. There were several pissed off commuters on the platform. In fact, they were still running. Like the train was gonna stop?! Ya right!

So, needless to say, I am glad the tourists are gone and my commute is back to normal. I only pray that the next two games, the Sox win so they only have to come back to Boston for one more game! I wish this because A. Obviously I want the Sox to win and B. I would rather not have to deal with World Series fans saturating the sidewalks, halls and corridors of my commute for longer than it's absolutely necessary.

GO SOX!!!!!

Inside, Outside, Outside, Inside

So, Miss Fancy Spandex Pants has a friend and this friend wears… Indoor-Outdoor slippers on the train! OK people! Just because it says it on the label that the slippers are Indoor-Outdoor slippers, doesn’t mean you get to wear them… OUTSIDE! It’s just wrong!

I got a pair of indoor-outdoor slippers for my dad for Christmas once and I verbally reminded him that just because the box said he could wear them outside that it didn’t make it right for him to wear them outside. Not even a trip to the mail box because if he went to the mail box with the slippers on and then realized he needed to go to the store and hopped in his car with said slippers on, he’d be THAT guy walking around the store with slippers on!

Perhaps this is the reason I avoid Wal-Mart at all costs. I don’t think I have set foot in a Wal-Mart in MONTHS! I can’t stand walking into that store and being the one with the jaw dropped with my inner voice screaming “You are in your pajamas! Florescent fleece is not a good look for you! Florescent fleece is NOT slimming! Do you OWN a full length mirror?”

So, that being said, florescent fleece AND slippers stay inside unless you want “What Not To Wear” to come back on TV and use you as an example of the “not to wear”!

You Want My Choke?

Photo Courtesy of KeepCalmOMatic

So, this morning, I get on the train and sit next to this woman that is just passed out against the window. I sit down and discover that she has this overwhelming smell of Dollar Store air freshener, laundry soap and/or drier sheet. Ya know that awful smell that's supposed to smell like sunshine but doesn't.

Well, since it's a three seater, I don't have to sit next to her right away. However, I am asked politely to slide in and i do.

As we are heading over the bridge to North Station, this over scented woman jerks back into conciousness and with that, karate chops me right in the neck which makes me choke on my coffee.

As my niece would say "You want MYYY Choke?!"

Happy Monday Everyone!