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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Various Seat Hogging Tactics

Today got me thinking about how people are selfish trying to keep space to themselves instead of letting others sit where there is a perfectly good seat. There are various ways people hog seats. You have:

  • The Bag Lady

Or bag man for that matter. Either way, this maneuver is for amateur train riders and is an old stand by for tried and true train riders. The subject places their bag on the seat instead of in the over head rack or on the floor by their feet. Subject hopes that people boarding see that obviously the bag is sitting in the seat so they in turn can not sit there. However, I on the other hand, will ask them to move their bags and sit anyways. I will make you move your bag before I stand in the aisle.  We all paid our train ticket and I don’t believe your bag did. (MBTA is looking into ticketing people who have their bags on seats and I honestly hope they do it.)

  • Mr. Metro

Or Globe or New Yorker or Wall Street Journal- Whatever you want to call him/her. These people take their papers and sprawl them out over the empty seat next to them as if they are digging in their newspaper for a hidden treasure. God forbid you try and sit down in the empty seat this paper is sprawled out over because you will mess up this person neatly dissected paper. (These people will eventually become like dinosaurs- extinct due to Kindles and Netbooks).

  • Leakage

This person will sit with an empty seat holding their coffee-tea-water-soda. The second they see someone coming after that vacant seat, woopsy- coffee-tea-water-soda is spilled on the empty seat just enough to ruin said person’s pants/skirt if they sit but just little enough that it won’t spill over into the seat they themselves are sitting in.

  • Sleeping Beauty

More like a sleeping disaster. No one looks good sleeping on a train. Usually this person lounges across a two seater only taking up about a seat and a half. However, no one wants to wake a sleeping disaster so they generally carry on and the sleeping disaster remains the only one in the seat.

  • Fake Sleeping Beauty

See above- accept this time the sleeping disaster is conveniently only sleeping when people are boarding the train. Once the train starts moving they are back flipping through their smart phones. These ones really aggravate me.

  • Sleeping Beauty-Slash- Bag Lady

This is when the sleeping disaster also piles up their baggage on the seat next to them making it next to impossible for the person boarding the train to sit down.

  • Sir Talks A Lot

This person doesn’t care who hears their conversation. They are loud and obnoxious. They think their life is so important and everyone needs to know about it. You don’t want to be stuck next to this person and if they are on the phone when you go to sit down you can by pass them. However, if you take a seat and then they pick up the phone, you’re screwed.

  • Fat Bastard

These people use their foods as deterrents. Tuna, Chinese Food, Pop Corn… Yes Pop Corn!!! These are not pleasant smelling things. The only person it smells good to is the person eating it. I know pop corn doesn’t smell badly. However, when grease and salt flail about in the air onto my super cute suede jacket, it’s not cool!

  • I’m waiting for a Friend

This person is always waiting for a friend. They stack every belonging they have with them across the seat and blatantly yell at anyone who tries to ask to sit “I’m waiting for a friend!” They don’t look so mean when they state that. However, when the train takes off and said friend didn’t show up they look like they fall in one of two categories- Pathetic or Liars!  


  1. Excellent!! I have seen every single one of those characters countless times in my commuter-life - and I literally laughed out loud while reading. If looks could kill, I would have been murdered so many times - just because I politely asked someone to move their bags from an otherwise free seat on a (full!) train.
    Guess what my ESL-students will do once they come back (by train!) from spring break ;)

  2. Thanks Nathalie. I am glad you liked it. Ya, if looks could kill, I'd be dead too hehe. This morning I went after the "Mr. Metro" type and made him push in. ;)