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Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Drunk Growly Guy

I have been very busy lately. So, forgive me for not hopping on here to report my silly train stories.

A few days back, Shape Ups Chick sat next to me. It was kind of awkward. I did look down at her feet and she had, to my relief, stylish sandals on. Go Shape Ups Chick you made my day. I did however; find out something else about Shape Ups Chick. She is a germaphobe for sure! She sat down and whipped out an antibacterial wipe and wiped down her hands and arms. I thought it was a good idea because when you get on the commuter rail, you most likely have been stuck on the T to get there packed in like a sardine. So, I didn’t blame her. A few minutes go by and she hasn’t touched anything, she whips out another wipe and wipes herself down again. About ten minutes go by and she whips out another wipe and repeats the wipe down process. I had no idea Shape Ups chick was also a germaphobe.

Last night was a fun ride home, in the seat across from me there was a little girl fascinated with a mechanical tooth brush. The kid kept turning it on for long lengths of time. First of all, who lets their kid have their tooth brush on the train? If that kid accidentally touches the tooth brush to anything, it’s all over! The mother kept yelling at the kid to turn it off because she’d “wear out the batteries” and if the batteries died she’d “have to buy a new one.” Um, or if the kid touches that tooth brush to anything train related, it’s of no use in my book but this mother wasn’t worried about the germs or other peoples sanity (Do you know how annoying a mechanical tooth brush is when it’s buzzing next to you?)

This kid however; was not as annoying as the crazy drunk guy behind me though. I hear a drunk growly voice say “Do you know why Jesus hates you?” No one answers so he repeats himself. The poor guy next to him replies “I do not!” Drunk growly guy replies “Because you have sex. That’s right he hates you because you have sex.” The guy says “But I’m married.” And drunk growly guy replies “Jesus doesn’t care and he has no place for you. So where are you gonna go now?” the nice guy in the seat is stumped. He doesn’t say anything. Drunk growly guy starts getting louder “Where you gonna go now? You chose to have sex so Jesus doesn’t have a place for you!”

Please keep in mind this is an express train so it by passes multiple stops and you’re stuck on this train for at least 25 minutes. One woman around us gets up and walks to the front of the train after he starts drunk yelling. The nice guy talking to drunk growly guy replies meekly “I just don’t know.”

“Well you have to figure it out because I’m saved and you’re not so he has a place for me. Ya, that’s right. I’m saved. Jesus loves me but he…. Hates…!!!”

ANDERSON WOBURN!!” screams the conductor!

And we’re all saved by the conductor and are free to go.

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