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Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Spandex is not a right! It’s a privilege!

Spandex is not a right! It’s a privilege! That being said, this lady at the train station that JUST rubs me the wrong way decided to wear spandex to work today. First of all, I’d like to know what the hell kind of professional 9-5 job she has where she can wear spandex.

Let me explain WHY she rubs me the wrong way. Ok, I love my hats! LOVE my hats! In the winter I have an entire plethora of hats that I like to wear to match my outfits/pea coats. Well, on Valentine’s Day, I wore this super cute deep red fedora. I over hear as I am walking up to the platform “Who does she think she is in her fancy pants hat?” Well, lady, I heard ya! I smiled because in fancy pants hats, what else are you going to do? The very next day, February 15th, she is wearing a RED HAT! Pissed me right off. Ever since then, she rubs me the wrong way! They say that copying is a form of flattery and yes, yes it is! However, not when you first make fun of me and THEN copy me. That’s not how it works. HA!

Back to the spandex! This woman is wearing black spandex leggings that go to her mid-calf, a black tank top and wedge flip flops. This is not a flattering outfit on ANYONE! Especially when the spandex is acting like the Hoover Damn trying to hold it all in and the tank top is so tight that it hugs her rolls. Yes, black is slimming but not when it accents your flab. There is spanx for that. I hear they work wonders! And wedge flips flops? Please! Those are so out! What is this? The year 2000?

That being said, I have no problem with people being overweight. It’s their choice, their circumstances, their well-being. Not mine. However, there is a classy way to do it and a trashy way to do it. This is the trashy!

So, when you wear spandex, ponder these tips:

·         When you weigh in at about 300 pounds, spandex is not your friend.

·         When you put on a pair of spandex leggings and they are stretched so far that I can see the pigment of your skin, you shouldn’t wear spandex.

·         When you wear spandex leggings, a tank top does not suffice as sufficient coverage.

·         There is nothing left to the imagination when you wear spandex.

·         Wear a dress to cover the lady bits that I don’t want to see. Especially, considering that the leggings are stretched so far beyond their capacity that they now look like tights. I am also pretty sure that there is some unspoken rule that anyone, no matter your size, that wears spandex pants has to wear a long swishy shirt to at least cover the lower part of your buttocks.

·         Last but not least and this one should go without saying: If you are a man…don’t wear spandex.

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