I Wanted to B*tch Slap This Girl

I ALMOST slapped a b*tch today.

I get on at my stop and find a seat on the end of a three seater. The middle seat was open. I put my purse and bag on my lap and scroll through my phone as we continue on to the next stop. We get to Anderson-Woburn and this girl gets on and says to me as I am scrolling through my very important Facebook feed “MOVE OVER!”

She didn’t say “Can you move over please?” She just demanded that I “Move over!”

I survey her shoes. Boat shoes! UM, I am pretty sure everyone has taken their boats out of the water this past weekend so boat shoes…officially out of season.

I look up and see her stupid mousey nose with her stupid mousey lips and just envision her nibbling on a stupid piece of cheese.

Have I mentioned I haven’t taken ONE sip of my coffee yet and I have been up since 4am because my husband’s alarm went off at that time so he could go to an early meeting?

I do my best to smile and move over.

For those of you, like her that do not know commuter etiquette, this is how this should have gone down:

Mousey-Boat Shoe Girl- “Can I sit there?” While she is pointing to the middle seat.

Me- “Sure.” But instead of getting up to give her the middle, I slide in and take the middle myself.

Mousey-Boat Shoe Girl- Act pleasantly surprised that I have given you the coveted end seat while saying “Thank you!”

Me- “No problem.”

See, simple as that and no one gets b*tch slapped or judged on their out of season boat shoes.