Meet Fat Bastard!

This woman irritates me to no end. I first met her during my first month of commuting. I was wearing an adorable suede jacket and sitting in a seat for two against the window (Proper train etiquette is to slide all the way in when boarding). This woman sees little ol' me and sits right down. She was so big that when she sat next to me she squished me into the window. I can understand that being big and all, you would want to find a tiny thing so that you have optimal room. However, what irritated me the most was that this woman had a trough of popcorn. Theater style popcorn! The kind that is greasy and full of salt. While she is eating out of her trough, she is being careless. She is eating like she had been stranded on a dessert island and hadn't eaten in weeks. Popcorn grease and salt were spraying everywhere. Now that's just rude! Ruining my tan suede jacket.

That evening, she and I get off at the same stop. Great. She is on the same path as me. This means this could happen again! Grrr. The next few evenings coming home I was safe. However, she found me every once in a while. Probably because I was so easy going about being smooshed against a window with popcorn grease flailing around. I didn't want to be mean so I changed my pattern. At night, I would sit in a seat for two that already had someone in it. That way, I had no shot of sitting with her ever again and this has worked wonderfully!

Typically this woman is never on my morning train. Then, one day I was running late for the morning train. I hadn't seen her on the evening train for a while so I wondered if she had been a victim of this bad economy or even worse... died of a heart attack from all that popcorn grease. I see her boarding the train with a box of munckins. I think that she is so thoughtful to bring her office a morning snack. Oh no, I thought wrong. This woman was poppin' these munchkins like they were M&M's. By the time we got to North Station she had downed the entire box. I thought this couldn't possibly be a daily thing. Although, the popcorn was so you never know. I saw her the next morning with her box of munchkins!

You have to wonder... what makes someone eat like that? I mean really? You have got to feel so horrible A.) about yourself and B.) sluggish and yucky from all that junk. I feel bad for this woman. I mean really, if you are going to eat a trough of popcorn, at least don't spray it all over the innocent person you have pinned against the window!