This Man Grabs Balls for a Living!

On my way home last night, I hopped on the Orange line at State and was headed to North Station. While getting on, before the doors could even close some guy starts giving another guy attitude “Yo dude. Stop lookin’ at me. You makin’ me feel uncomfortable! Just stop lookin’ yo!”

As we are packed into the train car like sardines are packed in a tin can, the guy who is obviously the one staring, tries to turn in the other direction. As he’s turning this delinquent starts yelling at him again “Don’t touch me. I mean it yo!” OK, now it’s obvious this guy is trying to start trouble because we are packed in like little sardines, it is inevitable that this other guy is going to have to touch you. The poor guy trying to move out of harms way is still trying to get in a space where this delinquent is not near him which is next to impossible but at least he is trying. The delinquent starts getting angrier and louder “Dude, I said stop touching me!!”

The poor little nerd stops dead in his tracks. He clearly doesn’t know what to do. He is like a deer in head lights. Once the delinquent sees that he has ruffled this guys feathers, he jabs a little deeper “Don’t grab your balls! You ball grabber. I swear yo, you are disgusting!”

Little nerd’s face turns bright red. He doesn’t even say a word. Not even trying to defend himself. Everyone on the train is growing more and more uncomfortable and I grab on to my purse for easy access to my pepper spray. If this train didn’t stop soon, this poor little nerd had no shot. Everyone is just looking at the ground so that this punk isn’t egged on. Then he announces to the train with his arms up in the air “This man grabs balls for a living. Ya, this man right here.” And he points to the nerd. The nerd is practically hiding behind a pole, trying to hide his face. Finally, we arrive at North Station and everyone darts off, including the nerd. I over hear on the escalator on the way up “We know you don’t grab balls for a living.” I turned around and the nerd let out a huge sigh of relief. Not only did we know he wasn’t a ball grabber, the delinquent didn’t get off at North Station and stayed on the T.

An uncomfortably awkward ride yes. However, after you know that no one is hurt, you get to let out a smile from the sheer entertainment of it all.